Karma is Boss
by walkthatlonesomevalley
Summary: After working pro-bono for Ruiz & Ward, Amy's sister secretly gets her a job at Harvey, Ashcroft, & Booker a no-holds-barred corporate circus of a law-firm. Working under the thumb of the notorious case killer, Karma Ashcroft, Amy is beginning to find that her world is turning upside-down.
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: y'all know i suck at finishing things. no guarantee this or anything i write will ever see the end of a tunnel.

 **Karma is Boss**

 **Chapter 1**

 _ **Her Life: Just Two Firm**_

Upon graduation, Amy Raudenfeld wasn't really one to look much into the corporate world for a fine place to land but that couldn't stop her step-sister, Lauren, from scoring her an interview with Ashcroft, Harvey, & Booker the most talked about firm in the state!

"You are not wearing that. No, no. You have to remember, Amy, you're not just representing yourself up there, you're representing me."

"God, it's not like I'm going to _**be**_ in the courtroom today. Your friend Shane has been trying to get me to hang-out with him ever since you let him drive you home in his Jag that one time."

"Ew," Lauren said, biting her tongue more than she would like. "He is not my friend," she fought. "Just because I work with these people doesn't mean we have to be friends. I don't think I'm any of their friends. Except maybe Giana in the file room. She's the only one who understands my struggle. Plus, her skin is amazing. I need her secret."

"Right," Amy scoffed.

"And hey! Yeah, I know Shane's been preoccupied with the idea of becoming your friend. But that's just because you scream lesbo and he's lacking that in his life. Or at least, that's how he put it two days ago when I kindly proposed that he hire you."

"Lauren!" Amy yelled. Why the hell did Lauren think it was okay to just say these things. Amy thought to herself indignantly, _**what exactly about me screams lesbo?!**_

"Right," Lauren said, that hard bite of anger always just left of her spoken-word. "Need I remind you that there is a woman running this firm?" Lauren asked. "Forget Harvey. You need to appear professional if you want someone like Karma Ashcroft to take you seriously. She's insane."

"She's not some feminazi, is she?"

"Uck!" Lauren scoffed, put-off by her tactless step-sister who knew _**NOTHING**_. "Number 1: that term is disgusting and I am disappointed in you. Number 2: yes, she is _**feminine**_. But, Amy! No one is saying you have to wear a dress or _**become**_ a new person! All I'm asking is that you wear clothing that at least fits you! But, believe me, I know how hard this is for you. That's why I took the liberty of picking you up a few things."

"What?"

"I gave your measurements to Pablo. It was nothing really. Just don't spill."

"What?"

"ON THE CLOTHES!" Lauren stressed. Dealing with her out-of-touch step-sister was always a tug-of-war she could never quite win. "God, sometimes I don't even know why I bother helping you."

"Yeah, well, I didn't ask you to," Amy mocked, annoyed by her.

"Yeah, well, you know your mother wants to see you employed."

"I am employed," Amy said, feeling over it already. She was working pro-bono with a few local lawyers on a strict volunteer basis just to learn the ropes. Occasionally, her bosses would take a small but important paying case and kick Amy back a few thou when they won (and mostly 'cause she was their wunderkind). It was actually a pretty great set-up for someone so green and it easily kept Amy clothed and fed without help.

Ruiz and Ward were professionals and they didn't stress. They also shied away from loading Amy up with busy work. She would just offer to help sometimes and get to sit in on all of the cases and meetings. Ruiz and Ward, those two were an odd pair and Amy liked that. It didn't hurt either that they both had taken a shine to her in their own private time. She was half convinced for a long time that she only got the job because Oliver liked her. Eventually though, she started to think that maybe she was wrong about all that and Ruiz was the one who wanted her in.

Ever since last Christmas, whenever Amy was alone with Ruiz she just felt flustered and confused.

After a hot holiday fling in the office, Amy was unsure of where to go with her life both personal and public. But when Ruiz kept things a secret from Ward Amy took that as her cue to just put it out of her mind and move on. There was nothing serious there and that was both good and bad. Reagan Ruiz opened Amy's eyes to new things. Amy hadn't known before that she could feel that way for a girl and now her life was sort of on a tilt. So to her, a change would be good. At least it would make her feel normal again, having a goal.

If they found out though? Amy was actually pretty worried about that. The way Reagan and Oliver talked about Harvey, Ashcroft, and Booker? It just wasn't good.

Somehow, Amy mostly staed out of the loop. She's not interested in knowing the details of every stupid case out there, and there's nothing to make her interested in that. And sure, she knows historic cases and stuff, game-changers, but she's too busy with life to be paying attention to all the things that don't affect her. Say, for instance, Harvey, Booker, and Ashcroft's last case where they paraded a llama around the courtroom floor and moved it to sing causing a blind witness to appear completely non-credible. The blind witness on the stand was sure that the singing had come from her neighbor, an old Italian woman who had apparently never done anything bad in her life according to Harvey, Ashcroft, and Booker. There was definitely good reason for all the jokes that Ruiz and Ward made about Amy's might-be employers. But did an entire courtroom really need to laugh at a blind woman for that case to be won?

Last Monday Amy overheard bits and pieces as Reagan and Oliver joked. But she didn't know that they were joking about the firm she was about to interview for.

"Hey gorgeous," Reagan had said, giving Amy her small head-nod and her addicting soft bedroom-eyes.

"What's so funny?" Amy had asked.

"Nothing much," Oliver said, beaming in her presence in his own close-mouthed way. "Just another ridiculous side-show brought to us all by Harvey, Ashcroft, and Booker." They got off on the spectacle. Everyone did.

"Oh God, not again," Amy had joked. At the time, Amy imagined that this was what all those cartoons by the water-coolers were about. You really were supposed to know strange things to fit in with your co-workers. It was strange and she tried not to laugh. She kept staring though at the water cooler in the corner until Reagan pushed her on the shoulder and asked her if she was okay.

That was the extent of her knowledge though. Little stories like that would just pop-up out of the blue. She'd catch a piece here or a bit there. But usually she'd miss the important stuff and zone out at crucial times. Plus there were many other things in her life to joke and talk about so it wasn't some monumental firm in _**her**_ life. At least, not yet.

"Amy! Snap out of it!"

"Okay, okay, Jesus," Amy said. She had been standing still while Lauren held clothing up to her body and made faces in the mirror, sizing her up with mostly discontent. "What do you think they're gonna want me to say?" Amy asked, feeling nervous all of a sudden. Work wasn't fun. And she really didn't think it ever could be. That's honestly why she resolved to not try.

"Don't worry about that," Lauren said. "Shane owes me a favor."

"God, Lauren," Amy groaned. "So why am I even doing this?"

"It's just for show," Lauren said. "You've done it before."

"Yeah maybe," Amy grumbled. _**But not with the enemy,**_ she thought. The guilt inside of her was already multiplying with every second.

"Shane just needs you to do this so that he can tell Karma and Liam that he checked you out and you're good at your job."

"And what even is my job?" Amy asked. Lauren seemed to have everything planned. Amy started to wonder why she even went to law school at all. Amy felt more like an assistant than a boss so none of it was really making any sense to her now. Lauren was exemplary and Amy was just... There.

The two of them were nothing alike.

At least, that's how Amy felt about it. She felt less than. She usually did.

"Funny." Lauren teased. "I'll wait for you in the car," Lauren said, turning away and leaving Amy alone to her jitters.

"Fine," Amy grumbled. Sometimes she thought she'd never grow up.

And what exactly was wrong with Ruiz and Ward?

The more Amy thought the more upset she became.

She dressed absent-mindedly and made her way out to the car like she was still some trapped little kid and not some 20-something adult with her own life and her own say.

Like it or not, she was starting again. And that was something that scared her very much.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 _ **Meet-Cute**_

 _ **What the fuck**_ , Amy thought. Lauren had dropped her off at some random curb and just told her to GO IN without saying much of anything else.

"What is this place," Amy muttered to herself once she was abandoned. There was no one around and her eyes burned from the heat of the sun.

Slowly she walked toward the gate and pushed a button on a sleek looking speaker box.

"Hello," a robotic voice called.

"Hi, ah… Amy Raudenfeld," she tried. "I have an appointment."

She heard a buzz and the gate opened up. There was a long stone-walk leading up to the few steps by the front door. The place just looked like a mansion to her. Was it normal for law-firms to run out of mansions? This was worlds different that Ruiz and Ward. Ruiz and Ward ran out of a nearly closed strip-mall on the other side of town.

Before she got too far, the door in front of her burst open and Shane Harvey ran out to greet her.

"AMMMYYYY!" He called, running toward her with two drinks in his hand.

"Shane," she said, awkwardly, as he handed her a margarita and nearly hugged her in his excitement to greet.

Amy had gotten dressed to fight for her life in court only to arrive at this place and find a barely clad Shane in tiny swim trunks, a pair of shades, and nothing more.

"Oh God, she didn't tell you?"

"Hmm?" Amy pretended the whole thing wasn't a total shit-show.

"She was supposed to tell you," Shane pushed, leading her into the house. "I invited you both over to try out the pool!"

"What?" Amy had to fight the urge not to scoff. What was this, fourth grade?

"Well, it just got done," he said. "Lauren is the worst! She always leaves things out. I don't know how you live with her..."

"You have no idea," Amy shrugged. She took the glass to her lips and drank half of her margarita down in one sip. Since it was on the rocks it went smooth. In the heat of the day and with the stress half relieved by the setting, Amy felt her head swim with that small blast of alcohol.

"Oh good, I was worried you wouldn't like them," Shane said. Amy found herself wondering what the hell her life had become. Why the hell would Lauren drop her off at a pool party in a suit and just leave. Was this some sort of backwards blind-date? Amy knew that Shane wasn't into her sexually so it was all really weird. On their two chance meetings Shane had been all about telling her exactly HOW gay he was.

"So, Lauren, says you work for Ruiz and Ward," Shane tried to get her to talk.

"What, oh, yeah," Amy said in a daze. The house was too beautiful. She almost couldn't believe she had been invited to wait inside.

Shane walked around her while she took her suit jacket off and unbuttoned her stiff cuffs to roll her shirt sleeves up over her arms since Lauren had been wrong to dress her that way. Her outfit was ridiculously formal. She had to fight the urge to unbutton her shirt and just do away with it altogether. "Who's that?" Amy asked, looking out the open glass door at the two people laying on long pool chairs in the backyard by the expensive looking palms.

They were beautiful and nearly naked.

"You're kidding, right?" Shane asked. He was looking at her over his glasses and amazed at the question he had just been asked.

"What?" Amy pretended to play dumb.

"Oh good," Shane laughed. "Lauren didn't tell me you were funny!" He swatted at her arm and walked out the door. "Amy's here you guys!"

There was no one else there.

Amy stood in the living room near the kitchen and began to go over all the things on the walls. Lauren had fixed Amy's hair by pulling it back real tight and then curling her ponytail to give it some flair. Amy held at her neck and felt the heat now. She wanted to let her hair down but she felt dumb.

"It's the worst right?" A sexy voice came up from behind her and she felt a tug at her side that was so unexpected that it shook her to her core.

"Hmm?" Amy tried, the hair on her arms standing up like the woman had been charged with electricity. Amy wasn't good at this meeting people thing. That's why she chose instead never to do it.

"We just got it," the woman said. She was a little shorter than Amy and she had gorgeous red-hair. She seemed practiced in how comfortable she was. Amy envied her. She made her feel comfortable like she'd known her for years.

"It's nice," Amy said.

"Come on, you don't have to lie."

"I'm not," Amy confirmed. She hadn't realized yet that she was talking to her soon-to-be-boss.

"Shane wanted a place like Liam's," she sighed. "My parents hate it. Hell, I hate it! When I showed them a picture I could swear they wanted to cry."

"Why's that?" Amy wondered.

"They're sort of anti-corporate," the woman said. "They hate what I do." Amy looked down at her unaware of what she was feeling. Was it pity? Sadness?

Was it attraction? For sure there was some of that too.

"My mom thinks my job isn't real," Amy added. Misery loves company.

The two women shared a look and Amy felt it as her whole world seemed to pause for a moment.

"Oh good, you've met," Shane said, interrupting them and nudging Amy a bit. "Karma, Amy, Amy, Karma." Amy felt her eyes flare and then calm. She noticed too that Karma had caught it, that secret.

"You didn't know," Karma said. Her lips parted in a quick intake of breath.

"Know what?" Shane asked.

"Nothing," Amy fought, staring at Karma and hoping she wouldn't say.

"Yeah," Karma scoffed and pretended not to be hurt but then she turned from Amy and walked away down the hall to somewhere unknown.

As she walked away Amy could almost feel life returning to every bit of her body. For a moment there she had almost ceased to function. Karma Ashcroft had been that arresting.

"She's weird," Shane whispered. "Don't worry, she's like that with everyone."

"Yeah," Amy said, relief hitting her. "I've heard." But she hadn't really. No one had ever mentioned that Karma Ashcroft was actually a stone-cold fox. Amy took her drink to her lips and drank the rest. She tried to remember that face but it seemed to already be fading and Amy hated that.

"Liam, this is Amy," Shane said, stepping away.

"Hi," Amy said, snapping out of her odd daze.

"Hi," Liam said back, he had his shades on and he seemed tall and hot from too much sun. "Welcome to the firm," he offered a smile. "We're all glad that you're here."

"I-" he walked away before she could say much else. It didn't help that Amy had a sort of delay.

"Okay, they're both weird," Shane laughed. "Please swim with me, Lauren's told me nothing about you and ever since I met you I just neeeeded to know more!"

He talked and talked and he was friendly and sweet but Amy found her eyes staring off to that space where Karma had gone.

The curiosity was scary in it's own way. She was so entranced with this odd addiction to see Karma again that she didn't even notice she had changed on the patio at Shane's urging and become her normal self again with her hair down and no cares in the world.

"So, what do you think?"

"Of what, the pool?"

"No, the hollywood pair," Shane teased.

"I dunno," Amy said. She couldn't get a read on Liam at all, and then Karma…

"Come on, first impressions are important! I'll get it out of you sooner or later."

Amy was holding a cheap float on the top of the water and trying not to shiver at the temperature difference between the hot and the cold.

"I don't know anything about this firm," Amy confessed.

"Really?" Shane asked.

"Really," Amy confessed.

She could tell that a world of thoughts were going through Shane's mind. She heard a door slam inside and stared over to check it out. Out of nowhere Lauren came near.

"Where the hell did you go?" Shane asked.

"We have to leave," Lauren said. "Mom wants to take us out to celebrate your new job."

"How do you even know I have a new job?" Amy laughed.

"Oh, you're hired," Shane confirmed. "You're already on the payroll."

"I told you doofus, he just wanted you to swim in his dumb pool and tell him stories about your high school trauma."

"Really?"

Shane nodded and made a puppy-dog face.

Amy laughed. She liked him all of a sudden. He was like a kid in a way. "Well, at least I know you won't be assholes."

"It's comforting, right?"

"Come on, Amy," Lauren pushed. She turned and left.

"We'll have to do it again sometime."

"Sure," Amy said, but she felt weird about the whole ordeal. She didn't even know if she wanted to see these people again, let alone work for them. They seemed to be living a whole different sort of life.

Shane followed her out and wrapped her up in an oversized towel.

"I'll send your stuff home, I have a driver," he said. "And you should really look up the firm, we're kind of a big deal. People would kill for you job."

He walked around her and pulled his straw into his mouth to slurp the rest of her margarita up in the heat.

"Well, thanks," Amy said. "Sorry, I have to-"

"AMY!" Lauren yelled. Shane and her both jumped.

"You better go," Shane mouthed.

"Bye," Amy mouthed back, carrying only her shoes as she exited the mansion in the thick towel Shane had given her to dry off.


	3. Chapter 3

*hi all!*

*to the questions: karma realized in the last chapter that amy didn't even know who she was. in this world karma is a famous lawyer so it's kind of like, wtf for amy to not know anything about her, especially given the job she's being given. i just kinda wanted to introduce karma as this sort of unhappy person. there will definitely be more of that though! and it will come up again, that realization of karma's. as for liam's role? you'll have to wait and see!*

 **Chapter 3**

 _ **Money on the Mind**_

Without doing a thing for Harvey, Amy received an enormous surprise check in her bank account the day after the pool meeting.

"What the hell is this Lauren?! I feel like I've sold my soul to the devil. I can't accept this!" Amy was just minding her own business and getting a twenty out to buy donuts at the cash-only place when her statement spewed out of the machine and slapped her in the face.

"None of this is my problem," Lauren said. Amy had burst through the door like she was Evel Knieval or somethin'.

Lauren tried to be calm. She was eating carrots and trying to exorcise while reading and, as usual, Amy was spoiling it all and making her _**me-time**_ impossible.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with 100,000 dollars?!"

"You know, most people would be happy Amy. It's called a sign-on bonus. It's an incentive. Most people would say, 'Thank you Lauren, you've changed my life! I don't know how I'll ever repay you!' And then there's you..." Lauren said, looking her sister up and down with disgust and then blinking to push the point forward.

"No one would say that," Amy dead-panned.

Lauren hopped off of her elliptical and got closer to Amy.

"They want you, okay? They heard about that thing you did on that stupid ChickenDance harassment case you won and they wanted you to be theirs. It's simple. You're the goods in demand. There's nothing to be scared of."

"I dunno," Amy said.

"Amy, if this is about Ruiz, I swear," Lauren warned. "You've been scouted dumbass. It's not confusing!" Lauren couldn't take it.

"Hey!" Amy said. Lauren had run out of the room without finishing that potentially dicey convo. "Get back here!" Amy said, chasing her.

"Just because you were drunk on Christmas, that doesn't mean it was a good idea to have sex with her," Lauren cut. "And there are better places to work you know. I don't want to be taking care of you when you're 80. This is bullshit!"

"We weren't drunk," Amy said. "Plus, it had been building, it wasn't just some accident."

"Amy, if that were true, you'd be dating right now. Are you dating?" Amy kept flying back to the Reagan stuff and ignoring everything else.

"No," Amy said, feeling the burn of it since those thoughts were already in her head.

"So what does that say?" Lauren asked. They had one fling and she was sacrificing her success for that now.

"I dunno," Amy whined.

"She used you Amy. And there are other fish in the sea!" Lauren cheered. "I'm sure there are plenty of other girls- OR GUYS," Lauren pushed carefully. "Who'd be more than interested in dating you…" Nice wasn't her favorite thing to be to her sister but sometimes Amy was just so pitiful that even Lauren had to change for her.

"Yeah, like who?" Amy huffed. What Reagan did hadn't been a bad thing but it did fuck Amy up inside and change the way she felt about her life and their relationship.

"You're not going to find happiness by hiding in your room and watching Netflix," Lauren said, bracing Amy by her shoulders.

"Is that what this whole thing is about?" Amy asked worriedly.

"No," Lauren said, turning from her. "I got a bonus too," she confessed, knowing it would stop the convo and stop Amy's mind from churning.

"What?!" Amy was pissed. "I knew it!" She yelled.

"You didn't actually think I was just being nice, did you? I just wanted Shane to leave me alone." She lied. Lauren knew how against some of the cases Amy would be if she even knew about them. How long she would actually last was debatable. But with the money and the opportunity? Lauren just knew it would be good for Amy to work for Harvey, Ashcroft, and Booker and get a taste of both worlds at least for a little while.

Just like Lauren knew that Ruiz and Ward would probably take Amy back if she really left. Amy was working for next to nothing for them and she was really helping them to win too. For pro bono cases it was no big deal but Ruiz and Ward took more than 3 big money cases a year, middle-grade cases that yielded substantial return after success, and they only took cases they knew they could win so there was never any risk. They weren't out there gambling like Harvey, Ashcroft and Booker. They weren't rolling the dice and winning millions at the drop of each roll only to lose a few here and there cause of snake eyes. With those odds they could never really lose.

For Ruiz and Ward, paying Amy a little more would be fair, but they just didn't because Amy honestly never asked. In Lauren's mind Amy wasn't thinking about her future! And that was frustrating.

Sometimes Amy was blind to it all. From articles Lauren had read, Amy's random tidbits were usually game-changers for her firm. Ruiz and Ward were undervaluing her because they knew, or thought, that Amy didn't care about money. Farrah's station paid for Amy's college loans and Amy didn't even have debt. And despite everything else Amy really did love her mom and she could never see being far from her so living together with Lauren and Bruce just made a lot of sense. Money wasn't a thing for her. It never had been.

 _ **So why all of a sudden with this money talk and this crazy job?**_ Amy wondered… Even her mom was telling her she should try working where Lauren works. It was like everyone was having discussions about her behind her back.

"Lauren…" Amy didn't like the idea of being someone's paid-for play-thing. Amy had choices. But she felt like people kept trying to take them from her.

"HE'S ANNOYING!" Lauren ran with her lie. She did get a bonus but that's definitely not why she caved.

"I don't like thinking they own me, Lauren."

"They don't," Lauren said. "You haven't signed anything. You're a free agent. This was all part of the plan."

"WHAT PLAN?!"

"Don't worry about it," Lauren said. "Anyway, I'm going for a run," Lauren said, cheating her way outside of the house. "Don't worry Amy, you can leave whenever you want."

"Yeah, but what about the money?" Amy yelled after her.

"It's yours," Lauren yelled back at her. "They're loaded," she ran backwards. "So am I!" she smiled to herself, turning around and running away.

Amy sat down on the steps leading into her house. She felt like a teenager again. Nothing ever seemed right somehow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 _ **I'm Sorry I Am…**_

Amy pulled up to Ruiz and Ward and waited outside in her car with her window rolled down and her AC blasting at her. She'd been there so many times that the office parking lot just sort of felt casual and familiar like the outside of the Mcdonald's, where people hung-out and talked shit while eating cheap soft-serve on the hot days, two blocks from Hester High.

Amy let her arm hang out of her car as she put her feet up and leaned back with her sunglasses on and her eyes closed. She really missed summer. Not the heat. The event.

As a teen, summer used to mean something. Now that she was older summer simply meant hot and she wished just a bit that she could have some of her freedom back. It wasn't right for someone her age to spend entire months doing exactly what they wanted. No one ever told her that growing up meant losing your life. Well, if they did she didn't register it.

Anyway, she wasn't too upset with the way things had gone. In a way she really liked her life. But all these changes were risky.

A rumbling sound burst its way through the sounds of Amy's tunes. When the rumbling drew near Amy opened her eyes and let her head fall toward the person who she knew was outside.

"Hey sexy," Reagan said after pulling her motorcycle helmet off and smiling big at her wunderkind fling.

"Hey," Amy said. She was trying hard not to smile as much as she felt like smiling every time she met Reagan Ruiz like this. The guilt was trying to eat her alive.

"So, what's the big news," Reagan asked.

"I wanted to tell you together," Amy said.

"Come on, shrimps, what is it?" When Amy kept on with her emotionless stare, Reagan sighed in part joy and walked around to Amy's passenger-side door, ripping it open and plopping herself inside. "I'm not leaving 'til you tell me," Reagan teased. She put her feet up on the dash and crossed her ankles. She did everything she wanted except for the last thing which would've been to hold Amy's hand.

"Fine," Amy sighed. Reagan was good at getting her to break. "I got a job at a competing firm," Amy spat out. She said it just as casually as one my say, _**I lost a penny on the ground.**_

"What?" Reagan was actually surprised. "I.. I thought you liked it here," Reagan said sadly.

"I do like here," Amy said pitifully.

"Then, why?" Reagan asked. She looked up at Amy and tried to keep the tears from welling up in her eyes. Amy noticed and felt stupid.

"My sister convinced me," Amy said. "I didn't even want to but she tricked me into this meeting with Harvey and-"

"HARVEY?!" Reagan stressed, her anger winning. "SHANE HARVEY?!" Her voice grew at least 4 times in volume.

"Yeah," Amy said. She hadn't anticipated that things would go _**THIS**_ bad.

"Oh my- UN!" Reagan said, taking her feet down and slamming her palm on Amy's dash to release her instant frustration. "SHANE HARVEY OF HARVEY, ASHCROFT, AND BOOKER?!" She yelled again. She really wanted to _**MAKE SURE.**_

"Yea," Amy said, a little annoyed by Reagan's unprofessional temper.

"Amy, why?!" Reagan huffed.

"I'm trying to tell you," Amy said. "It was an accident."

"So, say no," Reagan said, her voice lowering just a bit. "You can say no, you don't have to do it," Reagan felt justified. "You're not some stupid kid," she bruised.

"I was going to…" Amy said truthfully, ignoring that hurtful last bit.

"And?"

"And when I checked my atm this morning I found a surplus in my account to the tune of $100,000," she spoke bitterly as if it were a curse instead of a blessing. "A welcome gift from my new pals."

"Holy shit," Reagan sighed. She rolled her eyes and held at her head with two fingers on her forehead and a thumb near her temple. That changed things a bit. "K, well, I'm not gonna lie, this is really disappointing, Amy. I thought we had something here."

"Yeah, about that," Amy postured.

"What? What is it now? What other catastrophic secrets could you be hiding?!"

"What am I to you?" Amy asked, feeling bold at once like she had somehow grown some cajones.

"What are you talking about?"

"Christmas," Amy said shortly.

"Christmas?" Reagan remembered. A sense of calm seemed to wash over her as she lay back in her chair and just thought to herself about their one sweet affair. To Reagan it was perfect. The most perfect hook-up she had ever had. Whenever she saw Amy it made her smile. And at times, if it was a slow day and they were alone or sitting next to each other in court, Reagan would catch a glimpse of Amy's calm expression and she would just remember every little thing about that night and it would fix whatever seemed to be going wrong in her life.

Reagan was more than ready to talk about Christmas. Well... Until Amy opened her mouth again, that is, and said something insanely off-base.

"Was that just some trick to get me to stay?" Amy asked. She had been watching her with tenseness in her stare.

"WHAT?!" Reagan sat up, instantly angered by the thought. It was like Amy had taken a hilt-less ice-cold daggar and used magic to insert it down Reagan's throat. She was choked in that instant and ready to cry because something in her hurt more than she could ever explain.

"Lauren said-"

"WHO GIVES A FUCK- WHAT LAUREN SAID?!" Reagan yelled, slow and controlled as if knowing that the daggar could only shrink a little and yelling would cause permanent damage. Her fuze had been lit and she felt a fire within her growing steady and about to burst. It melted the daggar in her throat but she could still taste that tainted thing.

"I, I just want to know," Amy said in panic.

Reagan stared at Amy a moment and thought about how to proceed. Tears welled up in her eyes but she wasn't about to cry in front of Amy so she scoffed instead and tried not to blink.

"You know what Amy. Have a good life," she said, getting out of the car and walking away strong.

"REAGAN! COME ON!" Amy yelled from inside the car.

"No. Ya know what?" Reagan asked bitterly. "Oliver was the one who thought you were too young for this. I never did," Reagan said, her voice shaky as she was ready to break. "When you went out with him at first I just thought you were being sweet but then Christmas happened and.. I liked you Amy. I reeeally liked you." Reagan stressed, her eyes closing with how idiotic she felt. She couldn't take thinking that Amy could actually think that about her. And for how long had she been thinking it? Reagan never knew that Amy felt trapped or tricked or tired of Ruiz & Ward.

"Reagan, come on, I didn't mean it that way-"

"Yeah, well, you said it," Reagan pushed, "And you can't take that back." She turned from Amy, unlocked the door to her office and ducked right inside to hide herself from the girl she had once been crazy about.

Amy watched as the door slammed hard. She waited a minute and stared at the closed door and the closed blinds of the office that used to be her home. She never thought that maybe it had been her turn to make a move. She thought if Reagan wanted to date her she'd ask. But love's a two-way street, yeah?

She stared at the window, at those white blinds and waited for them to shift. It couldn't end like this. That couldn't be how they'd end.

As she waited outside feeling stupid for all of her choices, Amy wanted to hit herself.

What was the point in waiting for Oliver when things with Reagan had gone so fucking badly?

"Forget it," Amy huffed, wishing she could turn back the clock and keep herself from being stupid and meeting with Shane. Every time Lauren tried to help it stressed Amy out and things like this happened.

Amy switched the car into reverse, dropped the emergency brake and sped off.

Tears began to fall from her eyes before she could even make it out of the lot.

She had nowhere to go and no one to miss her. Somehow that hurt the most. At least before there was always the possibility that Reagan might feel the same. But she'd ruined that hope for herself by listening to her sister. And, again, by being too slow.

Right now, Amy had nothing.

Except 100,000 dollars and an unwelcome date with the devil.


	5. Chapter 5

*this one's short but the next one will be up right after*

 **Chapter 5**

 _ **Coffee Time**_

At 9am on Monday morning Lauren Cooper called Amy's cell and told her to get ready for her first day of work.

"What are you talking about, I'm not going anywhere," Amy fought. She was in her bed at home and not too happy about being woken up.

"I'll be there in 15. Wear a skirt or I will cut you."

After that the line went dead.

Hazily, and with much chagrin, Amy stumbled to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and made to get ready for the day. When she couldn't find a nice skirt in her closet she went into Lauren's and made a mess before rejecting every piece she could've possibly worn.

"Fucking stupid," Amy mumbled. Her eyes were still barely open when Lauren flew into her room and found Amy barely conscious but somehow erect.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!" Lauren yelled.

"It's early," Amy groaned. "I don't wear skirts and also, I hate you."

"Come on," Lauren said, taking Amy by the shoulders and leading her to sit down on her bed. When Lauren turned to pull a black skirt from her drawer, Amy fell onto her side and then back and she started to snore. "NO!" Lauren yelled, lunging forward and slapping Amy a bit aggressively across the cheek.

Amy came to with confusion in her eyes. She felt her face burning but she didn't know why.

"What happened?" Amy asked, her hand rising to touch her cheek where it burned.

"Put this on, and then this." Lauren already had a drawer full of things prepared for Amy's bullshit style issue.

"Why can't I wear jeans?"

"Fine," Lauren said, pulling a crisp pair from her bottom drawer.

"Yours won't fit me," Amy laughed.

"These are yours, and they will, Pablo measured you last week since my measurements were a tad off."

"Okay," Amy said feeling dizzy. "Do you have any idea how creepy you are?"

"I'm not creepy, I'm smart," Lauren bit. "Come on, you're already late."

"Late for what? No one's even called me since that poolday thing."

"They want you in court," Lauren said.

"Huh?" Amy felt her nerves light on fire. She wasn't ready for a court day. Not with the sharks. Not with the spectacle-havers. _**What kind of demons put you in court on your very first day?!**_

"It's no big deal, it's just for show," Lauren said. "Shane's plane is grounded in San Francisco because of fog. He's a dumbass and he cared more about his five-second fling than the million-dollar case that we're working on today. We just need to fill the table and look intimidating."

"Then I shouldn't wear jeans," Amy said angrily.

"I wasn't gonna force you," Lauren said, leaning back on her heels and waiting for Amy to wiggle out of jeans and into the tight black pencil-skirt Lauren had given her.

"OWE!" Amy said. "This thing is tight."

"Yeah well, to it, you're a giant, so…"

"Your sarcasm isn't helping."

"Fine," Lauren said, moving to Amy and pulling up on the fabric until the skirt moved high enough to cover Amy's ass.

"Shirt?" Amy asked.

Lauren smiled and hurried to her closet. A few of her things still remained on her hangers.

"You're a monster Raudenfeld," Lauren said as she handed Amy the short sleeveless top that only barely went over the top of Amy's skirt once on.

"Why do you have this?!" Amy asked.

"Come on," Lauren said. "Don't worry about shoes, they're already in the car."

Amy glanced at the mirror and felt awkward. If she moved her arms at all her abs showed and that freaked her out. Plus the skirt was short and made her legs look like a mile long.

"This is stupid," Amy huffed.

"COME ON!" Lauren yelled from the door.

They left together in Lauren's small sports car. The only thing that made it all okay for Amy was that Lauren had picked up an iced coffee, before she came, just for her.

She sat in the passenger seat and tried not to stress out. But Amy already felt tired. Days without Ruiz and Ward were starting to get to her more. Not only had she fucked things up, she was starting to feel like the enemy. Any normal person would've gone back to them by now, at least to say thank you and explain. But Amy didn't feel normal. She was a pushover and a jerk. She'd hurt Reagan and Oliver. She was vermin. Immature vermin. No better than a rat! At least, that's how she felt about herself now since all these horrible things had gone on.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _ **Smooth Operator**_

"Miss Ashcroft. If you are not going to question the witness, why the hell did you call one?"

"Excuse me? Your honor, did you not hear what the defense just asked?" Then she whispered, "and in front of a child," before raising her voice up again and asking her competitor, "Has this courtroom become a joke to you Mr. Vector? And what about life?! Do you think it's okay to swear in front of little children?"

"Oh come on, Ashcroft! You've been pacing the floor for several minutes and wasting everyone's time, including that child!" Mr. Vector complained.

"Miss Ashcroft, though I do not condone Mr. Vector's use of the H word, or his general tone of condescension, I do believe he has a point. Were you or were you not going to ask a question of your witness?"

"Well, I. Of course, Judge Ashby," Karma said, fixing her hair and seeming apologetic like maybe she had lost the time or forgot herself. She played this card a lot but more-so lately. "Of course," she moved toward the witness stand slowly, taking care to place her feet far out in front of her when she walked and take her time. All of this time she'd been stalling for Liam. Liam was supposed to feed her a question but he failed. Worse yet, he didn't even look like he had tried. Usually Karma would stay up all night and think of these things but last night she was too depressed so she took a Vicodin and downed a full bottle of wine. She only had a few minutes to cry over the Kardashians before falling asleep quickly to sleep. They'd been working too hard and her life was falling apart.

In the court room with nothing to go on or no plan in sight, Karma looked to Liam Booker one last time. Their history was rocky and they weren't in a good place.

 _ **Anything?**_ She suggested, by just the small lift of a single eyebrow. All she wanted was a clue. When Liam shrugged and looked perplexed, Karma let out a sigh and knew that it'd be up to her to fix this bloody mess of a case with nothing but her charms. Sadly enough, she wasn't even surprised.

A loud crash caused everyone to stare at the doors to the room. There was muttering while people clutched at their hearts and recovered from their panic. It was just a door. A loud door. Some of the court chambers were like still boxes with hot thick air that barely moved. Any sound was disruptive but this one was particularly unsettling.

Karma raised her head to see Lauren Cooper and Amy Raudenfeld enter the room. Secretly she felt relief. At least now, she'd at least have some help.

"Sorry we're late your honor. My car was in the shop."

"Don't worry Mrs. Cooper," Judge Ashby instantly smiled. "You haven't missed much, just your colleague's fine legs moving back and forth while the time ticks loudly by on the clock above your head." Judge Ashby liked Karma's legs. This wasn't the first time he had mentioned them and this wasn't the first time Karma specifically chose to wear a short dress with no-pantyhose and old-fashioned heels.

"Karma, is this true?" Lauren asked.

"Would the good judge tell a lie?" Karma flirted, sending Judge Ashby a trademark wink. Laughter was heard as the spectators all bought in on the show. Court rooms were usually dull but for some reason this country was obsessed with what went on inside.

Judge Ashby took a liking to this song and fun dance. Every time he was on an Ashcroft-Cooper case he went to work with a smile because there always was a show and he never left without a spring in his step.

What he wasn't expecting though was a third nameless beauty to grace his courtroom on this very day. A taller blonde who seemed young but rather serious, straight off the bat.

"And who is this?" The Judge called.

"Amy Raudenfeld, Your Honor. I've been newly assigned to this case." Her heels were already killing her and when she turned to Karma she saw her twitch slightly as if annoyed by her sight.

Karma shot a glance at Liam, an accusatory glance that Liam visibly ignored while playing it over in his mind. Liam was in his typical position, leaning back in his chair like he used to in school with his fingers on his chin and his stare almost cold in how vacant it was.

"Well, alright, Miss Raudenfeld, Miss Cooper, I'm sure your client is happy you decided to arrive." The stiff man to Liam's right looked over at them all with pleading eyes.

"Your Honor, I'd like to ask my question now, if that's alright," Karma phrased politely.

"Delightful Miss Ashcroft, delightful," the Judge teased. Karma took a step forward and approached the small child like she would approach her on any other day at the park or out with her Mom.

"It's not fun up here, is it?" Karma asked. She was speaking in a whisper so that almost no-one could hear. She leaned in to the child's ear and whispered "I don't like it either. My friend is a big ol' grump." She shot a look to Liam and the child began to laugh.

"Was there a question Miss Ashcroft?"

"Oh, yes. Seriousness," Karma teased. She made a face at little Julie, one which Julie mimicked before laughing again.

"Is your daddy a good daddy?" Karma asked, already sure of the child's answer.

"I love him," Julie beamed.

"And what do you love?" Karma asked, smiling bright and talking to kids as one always should.

"Daddy loves me and gets me ice cream and takes me on swings and we pet doggies and I love him. That's it."

"That's it," Karma asked.

"Yup, that's it!" The girl smiled.

"You heard her, Your Honor. That's it."

"That's it!" The girl repeated again, liking the nice lady who only ever inspired her to say nice things.

Surprising even her colleagues, Karma turned from the stand and walked back to her table, placing herself in the chair by Amy's side and resting there before saying, "No further questions," with a smile.

"What the hell are you doing?" Amy asked through a fake and forced resting face.

"Shhh." Karma said. She wasn't about to take tips from little-miss-nobody who didn't even know who she was.

Karma stiffened by Amy's side and tried not to enjoy the smell of her or the sight. It was a chore not to stare, a real pain. Walking back from the stand Karma even caught her eyes veering that way but she stopped it. Amy Raudenfeld was hotter than hot and everything about that sort of broke Karma inside. But she had no time for stupid thoughts. Her love life was a mess so she focused on her work.

"Alright Mr. Vector, cross-examine."

Feeling cocky and more than sure, Karma looked over at Amy with a haughty superiority she only reserved for situations such as these. Amy noticed and felt confused. Then Karma leaned in real close and placed a hand onto her shoulder, rubbing a thumb on Amy's bare skin while she whispered sexily into her ear.

"He's gonna fuck this up, just watch," Karma teased. Amy felt a muscle in her neck pull tight. She had to gather herself. Every time Karma came close to her it was like being shot with a taser. Amy felt frozen and then broken. She had to remember what it was like to have a head and thoughts and body parts that all moved. As Karma moved away, Amy let out a pained breath. Not even Reagan could do that to her that quickly. Amy went from 0 to 60 on the horny scale and it was hard for her to quell the insane desire she felt for a flash at Karma's side.

"Mrs. Oilridge," Morris Vector began.

"Counselor. Call her Julie, please," the Judge urged.

Karma shot Amy a _**told-you-so**_ glance and Amy had to force herself to look away 'cause it was actually really difficult. Amy gripped tightly on the retractable pen in her hand and absent-mindedly clicked it a few dozen times in a row. Lauren hit her on the side to make her stop. Karma and Lauren exchanged a look and Amy tried to act calm but it was hard for her to even breathe or sit still.

Never-the-less, the case went on.

"Have you ever seen your Father do anything bad?" The lawyer for defense was obviously bad with children. He didn't even know how to ask a question that wasn't scary.

"Objection," Lauren said.

"For what?!" Mr. Vector turned and yelled.

"You're scaring the child," Lauren said flatly. Every time Lauren spoke she was sure of herself. Amy looked over and watched as Liam fought not to hold his head in annoyance at his own crew. It was absurd. These weren't normal things to do in court.

"Julie, he's just a mean man, don't worry," Karma said from half across the room. Julie nodded. "Do you want me to come hold your hand?" Karma asked. Julie nodded again.

"Objection!" Mr. Vector was pissed.

"She's a child, Morris," the Judge spoke quietly under his breath.

Karma got up and walked the length of the room hanging her head down as if this was all hurting her and who knows maybe it actually was. When she reached the booth Karma opened it and and squatted down. "Come 'ere you," she said, smiling softly. She held her arms out and Julie ran into them, hugging her.

The crowd murmured and awed. Karma stood up with the child in her arms as if it were her child all along, her child that she wanted to protect. She stood up and then sat on the stand with Julie in her arms. "It's okay sweetie, just tell the truth," she said, holding Julie and brushing her hair.

Liam was no longer annoyed but more wondering if any of it was ever real. Was this real? What about last month? He was so done with the way things were, with the dirty firm he built and the woman he once thought he knew. He was so done and almost ready to hop a jet to the UK. That's how frustrated he was with the circus his life had become.

"Mr. Vector, continue," the Judge urged.

"Your Honor, this is just-"

"What, Mr. Vector," the judge cut.

"Nothing," Morris grumbled. But it was dirty. It was just what he thought would happen. He hated coming up against Harvey, Ashcroft, and Booker. They were just that kind of stank.

"Repeat your question, Counselor."

"Julie," he tried. Morris formed a smile but it looked scary to Julie who was already confused about her position in some weird room where she couldn't even hold her Daddy's hand. "Have you ever seen your Father do anything bad?"

"Bad?" Julie asked, looking up at him from Karma's chest.

"Ohhh ho ho," Karma crooned. "I'm sorry," she said to the court, still holding Julie in a loving way that no-doubt made everyone like her. "She's just so cute," she mouthed, half the crowd smiled and laughed. From her place at the table, Lauren felt the case winning itself. It was strange how the law had very little to do with facts and so much more to do with perceptions. Karma wasn't book-smart, Liam's family had practically bought her through school, but she was street-smart for sure and at least she used what she had, at least she cared and actually tried, unlike Liam.

Where Amy could win this case on facts, Karma could win it on charm. Together they'd be unstoppable. But things weren't going too well between the two so far and Lauren wondered why exactly that was but she couldn't guess. Amy was hard to love, that was her only answer. You had to know Amy a while to get her. Lauren would explain this to Karma once they had some alone time but for now she was just waiting it all out and hoping she could lighten any storm that came along.

"This is bizarre," Amy whispered just loud enough so Lauren could hear.

"This is nothing," Lauren sang. "The entire firm is running on fumes." Lauren had been watching things collapse for a while now. They could win cases but their reputation was losing them cred. They had stopped even needing the law to win and that bothered a lot of people and some of the people were very important.

Karma turned to kiss Julie's head, and while she was there she whispered, "your Daddy's a good man," softly into her ear and kissed her again.

"My Daddy's a good man," Julie repeated.

"Objection!" Mr. Vector called but the Judge had missed if all from his angle up high. Mr. Vector had been standing in front of the stand so that no one else could see and the jury box was to Karma's left so they couldn't even see if she tried. Karma was that good. It was just that easy.

"This isn't television Mr. Vector and there's nothing to object," Judge Ashby warned.

"Leading!" Morris tried. "Miss Ashcroft was leading! She whispered something. To the girl!"

"Mr. Vector!" The Judge shouted. "I'll have none of this in _**my**_ court, now stand down." The Judge turned to Karma and Julie. "Now Julie, thank you for being so brave today and talking with all of us." When Judge Ashby spoke to Julie he seemed a kind old man and he reminded her of her Grandpa.

"You're welcome," the little girl said.

Karma stood with Julie in her arms and gave the judge a sympathetic smile. "I'll take her to her mom," she said. Mrs. Oilridge was outside of the court and waiting in her car, supposedly because of some phobia that no one in the room had ever heard of before in their life. But all of that really was a damn lie. Karma wanted to seem maternal and kind. She knew it would go over-well and score them some points.

As she walked out the courtroom, like a mother gaining the passion to protect, the entire courtroom turned and stared. Karma had a reputation for being many things to the general public and most of them were positive, most of them were just like this.

The only two people annoyed by Karma today were Liam Booker and Morris Vector who exchanged interesting looks one of apathy and one of wrath. Where Liam just wanted to move away and never see her again, Morris wanted to find her in a dark ally, tie her up, and lock her away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 _ **In Company**_

After Karma took Julie from the courtroom the defendant asked for a recess and the court broke until 1pm since Judge Ashby always granted a recess and everyone knew he was prone to. It was no surprise to anyone that Morris Vector asked for a break, he was easily losing a case he should win. Mr. Oilridge may have a family that supports him and a face that easily looks apologetic and pitiful but Mr. Oilridge had been in charge when his lower employees were treating others below them unfairly. Karma felt justified in the case because she knew in her heart that Mr. Oilridge would've changed things if he had known. But someone needs to pay for all the people who were harassed and later fired without good reason or pension. If Amy knew anything about the case she wouldn't like it. Mr. Oilridge was in charge. All of these things happened under his watch. These things still happened whether he was watching or not. His oblivious nature could not take back the things that had happened to the people who once trusted him and carried him up on their backs.

Luckily, Amy knew next to nothing about Mr. Oilridge. Riding the elevator up with the others, Amy felt tension and a heavy sadness. She wasn't sad herself but Karma and Liam obviously were. It was the kind of thing that sort of choked a bystander right away. Amy stood there and saw, watching their body language and how even that was telling. Karma's red dress with the white polka dots and her hair with its breathtaking waves. Amy found herself staring from her place behind Karma in the small moving room. Karma was really pretty, like, insanely pretty. The more Amy looked the more she felt for her. It was odd to feel so much for a complete stranger. Amy was starting to understand how Karma could win so many cases. It was hard not to trust her and like her, hard not to side with her. Every moment with Karma seemed connected, and it flowed. In the elevator Amy couldn't help but think of their first meeting in the mansion and their small confessions and then Karma's face as she walked away.

Amy stared in a way that was embarrassing. Luckily, Karma and Liam did not see. Lauren, however, hit Amy's arm hard. Amy was all too tactless. Lauren gave her a look that said, _**"OH COME ON! YOU BETTER NOT BE THINKING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE THINKING!"**_ Then the lift stopped and they all got out.

On the top floor of Harvey, Ashcroft, and Booker, the group exited the elevator and an upset Karma began to yell.

"God Liam, you couldn't even _**pretend**_ to help?!" Karma shouted. The courtroom was very close to the Harvey, Ashcroft, and Booker main office since only the rich could pay to stay close. It was a different environment to Shane's entertaining mansion but the office was still fancy as hell and Amy was scared to touch things almost. When Liam opened the firm his father put down a pretty penny for their current space and that had always been held over his head even though he paid him back in full in just under two years with no gratification for the deed.

"Come on Karma, gimme a break," Liam shrugged.

"Give _**YOU**_ a break?! When do _**I**_ get a break, Liam?! When am I _**EVER**_ going to get a break?!" Karma had been carrying the firm for a while. It was obvious to everyone. Liam wasn't in it since nothing he did could ever make his parents happy. And he _**had**_ done it for his parents he really had. Then there was Shane. He was more into the networking aspects, the drama, and the parties. This San Francisco thing wasn't uncommon, not in the least. Just like it wasn't uncommon for Shane to just DISAPPEAR for months at a time!

But that wasn't really the problem. It wasn't just that Karma was carrying the firm. That wasn't why she was so upset all the time and broken. For as long as she could remember now Karma had been carrying her relationship too. Trying to make something great out of a love that Liam no longer felt invested in.

Karma's life _**WAS**_ stress. She was the only partner who stayed and gave 100% every time. Shane and Liam would bring these clients in and she would be given the task of closing multiple cases with little to no help from her partners. It was a mess, a bloody mess. PLUS they had employees. The office was empty for the week because Shane had given the ENTIRE office a PAID week off after one of the secretary's whined about some holiday they all had to work.

It was just _**SO**_ typical, Karma could scream!

"Should we go somewhere else?" Amy asked. She felt weird tailing behind her two fighting bosses.

"What are you talking about?!" Karma spat, looking back at her in anger. Once she caught Amy's face though she felt bad. Amy Raudenfeld didn't deserve much of her wrath. She deserved a little wrath for not even _**trying**_ to be liked. But that was it, that was all. Karma felt stupid for yelling. But she was mad at her friends and beginning to wonder if they were even friends of hers at all. That was important at the core. The friendship had always been most important. With Liam she had been in love. But she still wished to always be loved. The capacity? That didn't' much matter to her, as long as she was loved. And now love was basically absent from them as a pair and her world was crashing down around her while Amy, the new girl, just watched.

"She's just confused," Lauren said. "And you guys aren't really making this seem like a great place to work, I'm not gonna lie." Lauren didn't care, she was used to the fighting. Just as she was used to the fact that her name wasn't up on the building or on the headlines in the paper. She had helped Karma win many things but she was still a less than and that angered her. Shane wasn't trying. Liam just so happened to be rich. Karma worked real hard but she wouldn't let anyone forget it. Lauren just felt like leaving it all behind when the day was done. It wasn't worth it to stress on where her name was or wasn't. She got her paycheck. She did a good job. She had her dreams and they all included marriage and kids and houses and clichés. None of her dreams really included fame. She was okay with it but it was pretty dumb.

So yeah, her place of employ wasn't the best, but it paid. But they weren't showing Amy any perks at the time. Amy's first day with Ashcroft and Booker had gone just as bad as a day could.

"Yeah, well, it isn't," Karma scoffed bitterly, agreeing with Lauren's comment that Harvey, Ashcroft, and Booker was not looking like a great place to work. "No one has your back here and everyone's out for themselves." Karma said it bitterly but she was staring at Liam and Lauren knew the comment was made at him.

"Wow," Amy sighed. All the stories she had heard about this big firm made it sound like they worked as a team. All the stories made them seem together in their absurdity and thriving on the money like a thrilled surfer riding a never-ending pipeline all the way.

"Yeah, we get it," Karma said, looking over at Amy. "You don't want to work here. Okay, we get it. And you don't have to so just go. Go away."

"HEY!" Lauren yelled. Amy turned her eyes away from Karma who had been staring at her with an anger she couldn't understand. The Karma who had come out of the elevator was a different Karma than the one in the courtroom. Amy had a feeling that this was the real Karma, the hurt one.

"I never said I didn't want to work here," Amy said. "But I don't know anything about you guys, okay? I really don't. And I don't see how that's my fault."

"Amy, it's not your fault," Liam said stepping in. "We've all been stressed."

Karma was sick of listening to him explain away their problems and she was sick of him putting them off but mostly she was sick of the fact that he always seemed to be comforting everyone but her.

"Liam, just leave," Karma said. "You don't want to be here. You're not gonna help," she paused and looked to Lauren for support before turning back to the man she used to love. "I didn't ask you to cheat on me and I'm getting pretty tired of how you pretend I did this all to myself. Ya know, I didn't even want to be a fucking lawyer Liam. You wanted me to. Your parents wanted me to. Or did you forget about all that?"

"Karma-"

"No. I'm serious. If you don't want to be here just fucking go."

Liam waited a second. He looked to Karma and then Lauren. Then back to Karma again.

"We don't have to be what we thought we could be," Karma said, tears biting at her but her anger winning out and her face remaining stern in the face of her ex.

Amy watched and felt lost in her. It was so easy to understand all that Karma had been through. And that was odd for Amy, people weren't usually as forthcoming with information like this. Karma just seemed so open about everything. It was all making a little more sense now.

"I'm a monster, right? You think I'm fake," Karma said, to Liam. In the moment she couldn't be bothered by anyone else in the room. "All this time I've been trying to be what you wanted and it's _**NEVER**_ been good enough, so, I'm done," Karma said. It was the end, the last straw. She couldn't stand one more second in court with him staring off into space and not even seeing her. The entire show, it had always been for him. But somehow, he hated it. He didn't see Karma as this main attraction like everyone else always did. He did once, but he couldn't, not anymore. He was done with her a long time ago. He disappointed her first and she didn't break up with him, she only stayed and tried to work it out, which made it all so much worse. He had been waiting for this moment for so long. He didn't even know why…

But Karma knew… He was a coward.

"Don't pretend it's not true," Karma said. "And you don't even like your job. At least I'm trying! It's all yours and you don't even like it, so just go. Do me a favor. Just go," she was sick with him now. She had figured him out and she really didn't like what she saw.

He knew beyond everything that she loved him, but he was done.

Looking on, Amy felt like crying. Lauren was just worried about what this would do to their firm. Karma and Liam had been needing a split ever since she had met them. But why couldn't they split without fucking up her whole life?

Liam stared down at Karma and clenched his jaw. A better man would've ended things months ago, maybe even years.

"I'm sorry Karma," he said. She could tell that he meant it but it was too little too late. He had changed her entire life. She had become something for him, all for him.

"I know," she said. But it didn't change how horrible it was for her, or how scared she was, or what her life would be like now after all that she'd worked for to keep him and be everything for him.

"I'll call when I land," he said. And in silence he really did get on the elevator and leave them all there.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 _ **And Now For...**_

After Liam left, Lauren picked up the office phone. It was Judge Ashby's secretary calling to let them all know that court was adjourned for the day since counselor Morris's witness was having trouble getting to court. Apparently he had some crucial key-witness coming to report on how Mr. Oilridge mistreated them personally. Without that witness Morris would be shit-out-of-luck.

Lauren took the call and relayed the message. Then she said, "welp, guess that's my cue," and moved herself to evacuate the premises.

"Lauren?!" Amy nearly yelled in her confusion. It was upsetting for her to watch her sister be tactless in front of others. After the scene she'd just witnessed, Amy was not about to leave Karma on her own. Something big was obviously going wrong in Karma's life and it was very sad. But Lauren obviously had no qualms about leaving.

"Oh yeah, sorry, want a ride home?" Lauren forgot she had kidnapped her sister. How rude of her.

"No Lauren, I do not want a ride home."

"Oh. Wow. Sorry, lil miss anger! Bye, then. And don't call me to pick you up 'cause that ship has sailed." The elevator opened and Lauren stepped right inside. Amy stood in front of the open door and made a weird gesture that looked mostly like a: _ **I can't fucking believe you are doing this, what the actual hell Lauren Cooper?!**_

Lauren ignored it though. Instead of caring she pressed the CLOSE button on the door a ridiculous amount of times in a rapid succession to speed up her exit.

The door closed and Amy realized what had just happened.

And then, without much of a break, she realized again where she was and that she was not alone.

The air in the room was nice but Amy felt trapped now by her choices. She stood there, her back to Karma, and tried to focus on the cool air moving over her head through a vent.

"Why didn't you go?" Karma asked. Amy was just standing there and facing the elevator. She had her back to Karma but she was still with her somehow and Karma had no knowledge of why anyone would choose to stay.

Amy froze. It was like in the dinosaur movies when people have that weird instinct to pause in hopes that maybe if they stop moving they will not be seen.

"Amy?" Karma stepped forward with her tired feet and tapped the blond on the shoulder. The silk of Amy's white dressy tank felt smooth on Karma's fingertips.

Amy turned, half to get Karma to stop touching her and half to alleviate any extra stress that Karma could be feeling given everything that Amy had just seen.

"Oh, I dunno," Amy said. "She's crazy, right?" Amy laughed and Karma smiled just a bit.

"I guess," Karma said. "We all are though, right?" She leaned back on one of the office clerk's desks and drew her hands back to take her heels off.

"Oh, here," Amy said, kneeling down before her.

"Oh my God, stop," Karma was instantly embarrassed, she tucked her hair behind her ear and felt momentarily mortified. She'd only known this girl a few days and for those few days she mostly felt anger towards her but here she was in front of her kneeling down to help her off with her shoes.

"It's no big deal," Amy said. She looked up at Karma, Karma's heel in her hand. "Really," she said, a small smile painting Karma's world a whole new shade of lovely.

There was a quiet moment. Karma just watched her.

"I didn't like you much that first day," Karma said, being honest. And with such a small act, she really liked her now. The world could be tricky that way.

"I didn't make it very easy," Amy said, her hair cascading down over her face as she pulled it down to better relax herself and help. She put Karma's foot down and lifted her other foot to relieve her sad boss of her heels. Karma watched her from above and noticed for the first time how exquisitely beautiful Amy was. "It was Lauren, not you," Amy said, looking up at her apologetically. Amy felt so conflicted about this new job and these new people and her station in life and hurting her friends. It was all so much all of a sudden and Karma's sadness just reminded her of all that.

"You're sweet," Karma noticed. There was something stern and hidden behind Amy's face, something deep and hard to pin down. It's not often someone gives themselves to someone else in a manner such as this. Only boys ever did this sort of thing for Karma. And even then it's because they want something and she knew what they wanted. It was power or sex, usually.

 _ **What did Amy want?**_ Karma thought to herself with intrigue and definite interest but also a tug and a pang.

"I'm not," Amy said, chastising herself for her odd thoughts about Karma's anger, the ones she had the other night after just meeting her. She smiled queerly, feeling mostly guilty about how upset she had been about this firm and what it had done to her in the past few days, dragging her away from her comfortable place at Ruiz and Ward. Dragging her from Reagan...

"You are," Karma said, pushing it, bending down and putting a finger below Amy's chin to lift it up. For a moment Amy felt herself holding her breath. She tried to keep calm but it was hard. "Why are you even here Amy Raudenfeld?"

Amy stared, searching Karma's eyes while Karma searched hers too. She had no answer really. She didn't know why. Amy didn't have a reason.

Karma breathed Amy in and shut her eyes, she dropped her forehead onto Amy's and Amy almost felt like she could cry in that moment. She felt connected to her someone or just like she owed her something. And she didn't know where that feeling came from or why it was there. Were they sympathy pains? Did she feel blessed just to be touched by her? What was this hold that Karma had?

Karma sighed and brushed her hand down Amy's left cheek. As she stood back up, becoming herself again, she was reminded of the place she had built, the place where she had been left.

"I'm really sick of this place, ya know?" Her chin quivered as the tears came rushing out. Her whole world was crumbing around her but it just looked the same, it all looked just the same.

Exhausted by her own emotions, Amy sat down onto the rug and crossed her ankles in modesty leaning back onto her hands.

"We can leave?" Amy suggested, staring up at her boss. Karma was in the middle of the large floor and holding her head as the tears rushed her.

Amy was so cute, she was just like a child. To Karma it was obvious that Amy couldn't possibly comprehend the intense responsibility Karma had taken onto her shoulders. She couldn't comprehend the number Karma had done on her life in the past few years.

"Right," Karma laughed, sniffling, and gathering herself.

"And what would you like to do?" Karma asked.

"I dunno," Amy played. "Donuts?" She smiled.

"Donuts?" Karma laughed, looking down at her with a smile she only reserved for small children and the truly delightful innocents in her life.

Amy smiled and shrugged. Donuts were always a good idea.

"Why not?" Amy asked.

"Fine," Karma chuckled. "We'll get donuts." The last people to want to take Karma out to get donuts were most definitely her parents and she missed them more than anything now. After everything she missed their closeness the most.

It was ridiculous, such a simple thing. Amy Raudenfeld was a big ol' dork. And now Karma knew.

"Just, I'm gonna change, okay?"

"K," Amy nodded, trying not to feel strange there on her new office floor.

How do you make someone happy when everything in their life has just been going wrong?

Amy wondered and wished she could find an answer. For now she'd just suggest what cheered her up and go from there. She didn't know Karma at all but she knew that she liked it when she touched her, and of course when she could get her to smile too.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 _ **A Moment of Peace**_

Amy waited in the office, feeling somehow at home. She found a sweater in a nearby drawer and used it to prop her head up as she laid completely down onto her back and stared up at the ceiling just waiting for Karma to come back.

The office was so empty. They hadn't even turned on the lights and Amy liked that. Still, light crept in from the large windows that lined half of the walls. Amy wondered where Karma had gone and if she was really as quiet as she seemed. Her mind went to different places. She thought about the case and how weird it had been sitting in. But mostly she thought about Karma and how much she wished she knew, how surprisingly void of information she was all of a sudden. She wished she could go back in time and pay extra attention to all those conversations Reagan and Oliver had. She wished she could take a break and just research Karma's life. It was strange, and she knew that, but there was no stopping her desire to know all the things that she didn't know now that she'd seen this girl in life and noticed things that others somehow failed to see.

Amy's thoughts wandered, and then she heard a noise, a small defeated sigh. Karma was back and ready to take on an Amy day for the first time in her life. She walked out of her office before looking down at her outfit in the open and feeling stupid for not keeping more around her like Shane and Liam both did. She'd ordered a few basics from Forever21 and they were just sitting in a package in her office for what seemed like forever, just because she'd been TOO BUSY to remember to take them home.

"What's wrong?" Amy asked, sitting up.

"This is stupid," Karma said. "I look stupid."

"What? No." Amy said, getting up quickly and staring. "You look great, really." Karma was wearing one of those simple fabric dresses that just seemed plain to her now that she could afford the best of the best. It was basic and simple. She had spandex shorts under her dress and the shorts ran a bit longer than the hem on her dress. She felt childish all of a sudden, like she'd gone back to a time in her life she'd completely forgotten about.

To Amy, she just looked cute though, her same ol' self, seeming sweet.

"Really?" Karma asked.

"Yeah, really," Amy pushed. She liked Karma dressed down. In truth, Amy flashed back to one of her classmates in college. At the time she didn't understand her feeling for her, but seeing Karma now dressed like her it all made a whole lot of sense.

"You okay?" Karma asked. Amy had gone somewhere else. She was just staring off into space with a strange expression on her face that Karma couldn't place.

"Yeah," Amy sighed. "You just reminded me of someone," she confessed.

"I did?" Karma smiled, coming closer.

"Yeah," Amy sighed, wanting the subject changed. "Come on, I'm starving," Amy motioned her hand toward the elevator, then, without thinking, she took Karma's hand in her own and pulled her gently towards the doors. It wasn't until she had Karma's hand in her comfortable grip that Amy realized what she had done.

"Whoa," Amy said, letting go of her instantly. "Sorry, I never do that."

Karma was blushing now. "It's fine," Karma said, rubbing her hands on her thighs at the absence of Amy's hand. It was weird, sometimes Karma could swear that people were actually scared to touch her. And here Amy was so unafraid that she took liberties. Amy was so very different from most of the people Karma was used to meeting in an average day.

"I really, I don't know why I did that," Amy confessed shakily. She felt absurd and wanted to vanish.

"Amy, really, I liked it," Karma said, wanting her to feel calm.

"You." _**Wait.**_ "Oh," Amy realized. _**She liked it,**_ Amy thought. And that is what Krma had said.

Beside herself, Amy felt strong again and smiled up towards the ceiling watching as the elevator climbed near and the numbers lit up in succession.

Karma watched for a reaction and when she noticed how happy Amy was she smiled too. Defiantly, and like a child would do, Karma took Amy's hand into her own and held it there tight.

The elevator dinged and Amy laughed. "You're so weird," Amy said.

"Yeah well, I don't care," Karma teased, walking into the lift and pulling Amy in after her.

The whole ride down Karma refused to let go of Amy's hand and neither of them could stop themselves from smiling. It was nice to have someone for a change, a person to like who, at the very least, liked you back. Amy breathed in deep and let out a contented sigh. Karma kept her eyes forward knowing that to look could complicate things. For now she just focused on the soft hand in hers and the body beside her.

For whatever reason, on this random day, two girls alone in an elevator were back to feeling like they were only 15.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

 _ **Drive On**_

When they got to the main floor and exited the building Amy was shocked to see Karma walk straight ahead to where her car was parked, right there on the street, just ten steps from the building. Not only did Karma have her own spot in a place where it was impossible to find parking, Karma also had a sleek black sports car that looked identical to the one Lauren owned.

"Did I miss something?" Amy asked.

"Hmm?" Karma stopped out in front of her and turned around to find out what was wrong. When she turned her hair blew back in the hot breeze and Amy felt herself unnecessarily take a gasp of breath into her lungs before she could speak.

"Do all female lawyers drive this car or?" Amy paused to tease.

"Oh!" Karma laughed. "I used to have Lauren take my car to pick up documents for me from other firms. I guess she liked it," Karma laughed. And how unlike Lauren to steal someone else's style. Lauren was usually the queen of originality. In actuality the whole thing was a gift to Lauren for winning a huge case. But Karma didn't want to _**out**_ Lauren if Lauren wanted it a secret for this reason or that. Secrets were tricky. Karma tried to never tell other people's truths. Especially in court, this rule of hers could be very hard to stick to.

"Oh," Amy said, giving a head nod just to pretend it all made any sort of sense in her world. Lauren never talked about Karma. This was all so strange. It was almost like Lauren had been keeping secrets about everything in her life until this past week. So why now? Why with the change?

Amy was standing out on the curb and feeling dumbfounded. All the odd sister behavior had gotten her in a funk. But Karma mistook that funk as car-envy when she saw Amy's face.

"Uh, this always happens," Karma smiled. "You wanna drive it, don't you?" People loved her car, they just did. It was this whole big thing. She never anticipated it upon purchasing the thing. She just thought it looked cute. Plus it was almost forced on her by one of her clients who cut her an insane deal given the result of a big money case.

"Wha? A-yeah, yeah," Amy lied. She didn't really care. Amy was a paranoid sort of person. She'd never want to wreck someone's car. Especially a nice car that obviously cost A LOT of money.

"Of course," Karma said, walking toward her and using both of her hands to ensure that the keys fell into Amy's hand and landed their firmly. "Be my guest," she insisted. The touching was a thing now. Karma liked it. She could feel herself craving it.

 _ **Fuck Liam**_ , she thought. Liam had been that final push in accepting the car. Liam said she looked sexy in the car. Liam was an asshole though. So _**fuck Liam**_ , she thought again.

"Oh," Amy said, snapping out of it. She walked to the passenger door and opened it for Karma. Then she took Karma's hand and helped her inside.

"I could get used to this," Karma blushed.

"Me too," Amy smiled, her Lauren thoughts were somewhere far off now. Something about the way Karma openly looked at her sent away all her cares.

She got behind the wheel and exhaled to flush away all her nerves. Well, she tried but her nerves still stuck. Karma's keys weren't really keys. Amy stared down at them with a confused look on her face.

"Here," Karma said, taking Amy's hand and using it to press the start button on the dash.

"Whoa," Amy said. The car started up quick and then hummed ever so quietly. The air pushed out and blew only a second of heat before switching almost instantly to cold air.

"And now," Karma said, moving Amy's hand to the stick near the wheel. "Is your foot on the break?" Karma asked. Amy felt her so close to her. She felt Karma's low voice in her ear. It was hard not to just shut her eyes and enjoy it.

"Mmmhmm," Amy shook her head nervously. She rarely drove and when she did drive she drove the basic cheap 4-door, the first car she'd ever owned, that now barely moved at times and sounded like a roaring disaster whenever it met a small hill. This was a different type of drive and it hadn't even begun. The car they were now in could easily overtake a high mountain without a peep.

"Okay," Karma said, using Amy's hand to move the lever over the _**D**_. "She's all yours."

 _ **She's all yours**_ , Amy heard. The words came out slower than they should have. They spun around in Amy's mind. _**She's all yours,**_ they said. With caution, Amy let go of the break and felt as the car smoothly began to roll without even a push.

Karma instantly laughed. Sitting beside her, Amy was stiff as a board.

"What?!" Amy asked nervously. She had her hands at 10 and 2 and she was sitting up oddly off the back of the seat just in case.

"You're like scared of it," Karma noticed humorously.

"Bullshit," Amy said, slamming her foot down on the gas and holding tight as the small car jumped up to 60 without a moment's hesitation. "HOLY SHIT!" Amy screamed. She let her foot off the gas immediately but the car kept going at high speed!

"BREEEEEAAAKKKKSSS!" Karma screamed, helping Amy to hold the wheel since Amy was obviously frazzled.

Amy switched from one pedal to the next and the car hopped a little, losing traction before curving just a bit stopping fast in the middle of the empty road.

"Yeahhhhhh," Karma breathed, her heart racing and her voice uncharacteristically high-pitched. "Maybe I should drive after all."

"Maybe," Amy huffed. She didn't like how easy it was to lose control.

They both sat in their seats and breathed heavily. They were thankful to be alive and lucky to not have hit someone or something.

"Here," Karma said, moving the car to park. She got out of the car and delicately walked in front of the car in a tremendous show of trust. It was almost like she was deactivating a bomb.

From inside the car Amy felt her heart pounding in her chest.

"Sorry," Amy said as Karma opened the driver-side door and offered her a hand.

"Its fine," Karma smiled, already recovered from her near-death experience. In all seriousness it was definitely not the first time that had happened to her.

She helped pull Amy out and braced Amy near her hip when she seemed unused to standing in the heat.

"You okay?" Karma asked.

"I dunno," Amy confessed. She fell a little onto Karma, her hand on Karma's shoulder keeping her balanced. It was almost like they were dancing for a moment, or maybe just thrown together as awkward teens. But then Amy moved to stop herself from feeling less than yet again.

Carefully, Karma walked Amy around to her door and opened it. Amy sat down inside and felt stupid for fucking up so badly. Her temper always got to her. Karma had laughed and Amy took that as a challenge.

Karma got back in, she fixed the rearview mirror and started the car moving without flaw. The car drove so smooth under Karma's control. It was even different than riding with Lauren. The road lay out before them but to Amy it felt almost like a tv screen displaying a picture that could not affect her.

After a minute without speaking Karma looked over to Amy and noticed how mortified she seemed. To ease her stress Karma took Amy's hand in hers and held it.

"So," she said. "Where exactly are these donuts?"

Amy squeezed her hand back and let out a little laugh.

"Don't you have a favorite place?" Amy asked.

"Home," Karma confessed, thoughts nipping at the back of her brain, thoughts of home, thoughts of how far away it seemed. Home seemed like a place she couldn't return to really. Home was the past and so was family. It had been so long since she had actually felt like an Ashcroft it seemed… "We can't go there though," Karma decided.

"Is it far?" Amy asked, feeling serious without really knowing why.

"Kind of," Karma said. And Amy could feel that there was more Karma was keeping inside.

"Let's just go," Amy pushed.

"It's probably farther than you'd like to go," Karma said.

"You'd be surprised," Amy sighed. She looked out at the familiar sights and wished she could be somewhere else too. A beach would be nice. Some place where she wouldn't have to try so hard. That'd be great.

"What're you thinking?" Karma asked, noticing Amy's downtrodden mood.

"I'm thinking I'd like to stop trying," Amy said. "Like, for once."

"Oh…" Karma said. "I'd like that too."

They both spent so much time trying to please everyone else. They didn't really know that about each other. On the surface they could feel it but they didn't really know, not yet anyway.

Amy turned her body in towards Karma's chair and curled her body up on the seat tucking her legs under her skirt.

"I'm not very good at this," she confessed.

Somewhere between the top floor of the office and the curbside with the car Amy had remembered that she was bad at pretending to not be exactly who she was. She was bad at entertaining. Bad at a lot of things.

"What're you talking about," Karma smiled. She kept driving until she pulled into a familiar parking lot that Amy knew.

"Not here," Amy said, panicked. She looked to her right and saw Reagan getting off of her bike. "Not here, hurry," Amy said.

"Okay, okay," Karma said, taking her hand away and driving quick to avoid whatever it was Amy didn't want to deal with.

Every time they started to connect something would happen. Karma gripped the wheel and tapped the gas, taking them from one edge of the parking lot to the next. Before exiting the strip-mall all together she stopped and felt heavy.

"If you don't want to be out with me, that's fine," Karma said, resigned.

"What?" Amy said, turning back to see the effect her panic had on Karma. "No. No, I want to be out with you, it's not that."

"What is it then?" Karma asked, looking up at her sadly.

"That's my old firm back there," Amy said, motioning her head back toward the place she was familiar with.

"Where?" Karma asked, looking back.

"The girl on the bike," Amy said, using the side mirror to watch as Reagan got off of her bike and went inside of Ruiz & Ward.

"Oh," Karma said, seeing her too. "Who's that?" She asked.

"That is Reagan Ruiz," Amy said, her heart speeding just at the name.

"She's pretty," Karma said, turning to Amy with an odd smile.

"Yeah, so are you," Amy teased and poked Karma in the side. "Come on, can we get outta here please?"

"Why don't you want to see her?" Karma asked, refusing. She had Amy in a bit of a lockdown. Amy couldn't leave the car without being seen so she had to stay and talk.

"She didn't know I was leaving," Amy said. "And I was very bad with my delivery," Amy swallowed her own bitterness down.

"You could still go part-time ya know," Karma suggested.

"Too late for that," Amy said. She'd burnt her bridges.

"So what, you're just never going to talk to her again?" Karma asked with skepticism urging her on.

"It's complicated okay? It's not like I can just tell you who she is and you'll just know what it was like working there."

"What is it like then?" Karma pushed. She was almost intrigued by how difficult Amy was being. Most people loved to talk about their stupid messed-up lives but Amy had been avoiding it this whole time and Karma didn't even know that until now.

Amy shot Karma a pitiful death-stare. It was supposed to be a _**BACK OFF**_ but it came out more like a _**please don't ask me about this right now, please**_.

"Okay," Karma said, shaking her head and getting ready to drop it and drive. "You don't owe me a thing, okay? And you don't have to tell me anything." Karma turned her signal on and it clicked a few times before she started to turn out of the lot. "I'd just really like it if you did." She added on at the very last.

Amy sat beside her balling her hand into a fist and then letting it go time after time.

Somewhere deep inside Karma was sure that her and Amy were going to be good friends. It was a strange feeling but a strong one she couldn't ignore.

"We're in no hurry," Karma reminded herself out loud but Amy overheard and thought it was for her.

"You can stop now," Amy said.

"Oh, can I?" Karma asked, snapping too and seeing another local donut place on her right.

"Yeah," Amy said. This place was her actual favorite. Cash only. Sign half broken. Same sleepy Asian lady always inside.

"Oh good, I'm starving," Karma teased. She didn't even like donuts that much but she'd like them for Amy because Amy had stayed and no one else ever did that for her.


	11. Chapter 11

*I don't really care much for this chapter but it moves things along*

*apologies*

*also, how quickly karma's car jumps to 60 is supposed to be a demonstration of how expensive her car is. it's also a demonstration of how mad amy was to push the pedal that hard and not know what to do right after. if i wanted to be super accurate i should've said: SHE STEPPED ON THE PEDAL FOR EXACTLY 2.4 SECONDS BEFORE REMOVING HER FOOT. but i honestly don't feel bad that i didn't because this is fanfiction and i'm writing it fast to get it out there but yes you are right, even fast cars need at least 2. some-odd seconds to get to 60 on average.*

*also, amy and reagan will have an encounter later on. that's definitely bound to happen! i've been building it up for exactly that. their relationship is a big part of this fic and i kinda love it.*

 **Chapter 11**

 _ **Donut Daze**_

For an hour or so things were perfect. Just one hour. That's how long it took for Karma's world to interrupt her again.

She'd never been in that donut shop before.

"Amy Raudenfeld! When you gonna win me a case?" The lady behind the counter teased. Her name was Mrs. Ling and Amy loved her.

"You know I'm not that good," Amy said, "even I know you don't want me defending you in court," she laughed. Karma watched from a table nearby as Amy ordered, paid, and grabbed a tray filled with hand-picked donuts, milk, and the coffee Amy insisted that she try. "Maybe this one'll take your case," Amy teased, pointing at Karma. "She wins everything."

"Ahhh, really?" Behind the counter the older woman was squinting and sizing Karma up. Then her expression changed when she recognized Karma from the news. "Oh wow, that Karma Ashcroft. Everyone know her! Hi Karma Ashcroft," the woman waved.

"Hi," Karma let out a small laugh and waved back. She found herself feeling small again like when her Mom would take her places and make her meet all the people who knew too much about her for some reason.

Amy sat down and felt guilt eating her again. The guilt had come back at the sight of Reagan but then Mrs. Ling recognized Karma and it was just like being hit twice in the stomach with a bat. Karma really was this hotshot. To Amy though, she almost didn't seem like it now. How could Karma's public life and her private life be so different? In public she was this huge winner and in private she was this sad lonely girl. Amy hated to think of her that way but that's all she could feel while she sat with her like this. Plus, she was too beautiful to be sad.

"She knows you," Amy sat. She felt herself slouching and wished she could've changed just as Karma had done before. Wearing courtroom clothes made her feel stuffy and strange. She was sure Mrs. Ling probably didn't recognize her when she first came in. Amy never dressed like this for Ruiz and Ward. Ruiz and Ward were more about being real than being put-together.

"People usually know me," Karma said in a rather droll town. Her eyes fluttered up in her head because to her Amy was this odd little anomaly. It wasn't painful anymore to think that Amy didn't know her. At first when Karma realized that Amy knew nothing about her it really stung. But that had more to do with Lauren and the job offer than anything else. Shane had made it sound like Amy was just dying to get onto the firm. Karma could see now that Shane had been lying in every possible way. Amy was too honest to hold up one of Shane's crazy lies.

"I guess," Amy said. Hunger took hold of her quick. No more time for guilt when food was set before her.

Karma took a sip of her coffee and watched as Amy practically devoured her first donut.

"Holy shit," Karma muttered under her breath. "I haven't seen anyone eat like that since I was back in high school."

"Shut up!" Amy said, throwing a packet of sugar at her and hitting her in the chest.

"Hey!" Karma laughed. The coffee felt good in her throat. At the firm they had been drinking some weird coffee Liam liked. All of her people complained. Right now she understood why.

"So, Miss Famous, whatta you wanna do next?" Amy teased. She had a smile on her lips and to Karma she seemed so silly somehow. She was a grown up but something about Amy really hit a chord with Karma and reminded her how non-serious life could be. Yeah, Amy had her dark moods. But right now like this? With the donuts in this place and the way she just sort of tagged along like a child would? Karma was starting to feel something she hadn't felt in a while. Something good.

"Well, my husband left me so I guess I'm free now," Karma scoffed. Her dark mood was a hard thing to cure. It had been a dark few years.

"Karma…" Oh the way she said her name… And with that deep sigh… Karma heard it, the way Amy said her name like that, and it soothed her. Amy said her name like Liam used to back when they first began. Back when there was hope and love and a light behind his eyes. Back when it had been him chasing her and not the other way around. It'd been a long time since someone actually seemed to care. Karma didn't like to think about it too much but it was all she could think.

"Hmm?" Karma squinted at nothing and then snapped out of it, looking back towards Amy. She found herself lost somewhere between her past and her future. Before her sat this nice girl who had no reason to be where she was, no reason to be comforting her on this day or any for that matter. I mean, unless it was all some sort of act. Karma didn't think anyone could be that could at acting oblivious though.

Karma was thinking too much and she couldn't stop herself.

"I know, this is weird but… You can talk about it if you want," Amy said. There had been an awkward silence. Amy had no idea what Karma was thinking.

"What happened with Ruiz and Ward?" Karma asked. She was a good Lawyer for a reason. She never dropped an important subject. Never skipped a beat.

"Wha? Ahhh, nothing happened," Amy sighed uncomfortably and picked at her half-eaten chocolate covered cake donut. If she was any good at all she could dodge this question but Amy was bad at stopping herself from telling truths. "I quit, it was stupid," Amy sighed. "I should've done things better, should've been better."

"Shane says you won them cases," Karma wanted her to feel less stress about this new change of hers. Here the girl was trying to comfort her when her world was a mess too.

"Lauren _**thinks**_ I won cases," Amy said, being real. "Ruiz and Ward are really good," Amy pushed, a true fan of her friends til the very end, that was always an Amy thing to be.

"Amy a good Lawyer!" Mrs. Ling yelled from behind the counter. She'd been eavesdropping. She wanted to tell her daughter about Karma visiting. "She won Chicken-Dance. Very big case!"

"Chicken dance?" Karma asked, her smile sneaking up on her.

"Mrs. Ling!" Amy said, looking back at her and waving her hand to get her to stop.

"So bashful! You keep her," Mrs. Ling pushed. "She better than your guys," Mrs. Ling went on.

Karma looked to Amy with a sort of playfulness in her face, her eyebrows raised and the offer just out there. Would Amy stay or would Amy go? She seemed resigned to stay but Karma didn't want to keep anyone who didn't want to be with her. "Okay, explain that?" Karma asked.

"There's nothing to explain. I was there I guess, I helped them win cases. It was my job." Of course she had insight. She went to school didn't she? Amy was thinking about it and it was all bothering her. _**Anyone on any case is a help, right?**_ That's what she thought anyway. Karma on the other hand knew how useless certain people could be. And then there were the few cursed who somehow made things worse instead of better. She'd seen it all in her day.

"Well, she's obviously seen Liam and Shane in action. We're on the news all the time," Karma wanted Amy to understand. "If you're better than them it makes perfect sense that you join us."

"Karma…" Amy didn't like that this had turned into some sort of pitch for Karma's firm.

"What?" Karma asked. She didn't want to be pushy but she was suddenly sure that she needed Amy in her life. Her selfishness was starting to rear its ugly head. In truth she wanted Amy to stay just to hear someone say her name the way she did. "You've seen I need help. Those guys just up and leave and I'm just…"

"Can we just talk about life and be normal people right now?" Amy groaned sadly, cutting her off. "Why does everything have to be about work? I hate work. I do," Amy groaned.

"On the house," Mrs. Ling said, bringing out an extra coffee and setting it down in front of Amy.

"Thanks Mrs. Ling," Amy said in her defeated voice. Donuts couldn't cure all ailments and coffee made Amy nervous sometimes but she was happy to distract herself from the talk that just seemed to always come back to her. She liked learning about Karma but she hated talking about herself, and Karma was interested in knowing her for some odd reason.

"Hey," Karma said, touching her hand over Amy's and snapping Amy out of her sadness. Amy flipped a strand of hair out of her own face by knocking her head to the side just a bit and blowing at it. "Don't downplay your talent," Karma advised. "You'd be surprised how many people would kill to be smart like you."

"I'm not-"

"You are," Karma said matter-of-factly. As far as she was concerned Amy was, smart and modest and lovely, a true gift.

Amy looked up at her and wanted to be able to believe her. Looking at Karma though she just felt inferior in pretty much every way. "You don't even know me, Karma," Amy said sadly.

"Yeah well, I know enough," Karma pushed.

She took her hand away and picked her first donut up at last. Amy watched as she brought it to her lips and took a modest bite.

"Mmmmm," Karma moaned. "I love this place," she smiled, mouth full. Somehow she felt sleepy and safe all at once. But she was sure it had more to do with Amy than anything else.

"Really?" Amy asked, her smile spreading wide again.

"Oh yeah," Karma said, using both hands to pick at her donut and put another piece in her mouth. "This is delicious."

"Mrs. Ling! Karma Ashcroft likes your donuts!" Amy yelled and teased, to be a little shit.

"Amy!" Karma said with a surprised stare.

"You do," Amy teased.

"I do," Karma relented.

What she really liked though was the company.


	12. Chapter 12

*alright lovelies, i'm trying to bust some of this out today since i have a little time but y'all know how long it takes me to write so don't expect miracles please…*

*I know it'd be fun to have Reagan see Karma and Amy right now but wouldn't it be more fun if she saw them in court?*

*just sayin'*

 **Chapter 12**

 _ **She Hates Her Life**_

Somehow after that the two got onto the topic of Lauren. It made a lot of sense. If they couldn't talk about work what else could they talk about? They could do the boring dance. _**Where did you go to high school? What kind of groups were you in? Are you from around here? How's your family? Was your college big? How did you end up studying law?**_

See, these were all great questions and questions that Karma really wanted answered but she was good at reading people. She poked a bit and noticed that when she mentioned Lauren, Amy immediately became her actual self like a veil had been lifted. Not that she was being someone else before. When Amy talked about Lauren there was no bluffing and no holding back. Most people who knew Lauren also knew that there was no one else like her. Talking about Lauren wasn't complicated at all, it came easy.

They shared war stories. One after the other. But they didn't get far before Karma's phone began to ring.

"Who is it?" Amy asked, watching Karma's face drop.

"It's Shane," she sighed. "I have to," she seemed crushed but she answered quickly despite it all.

For a few wonderful minutes they had been friends. For a few wonderful minutes they'd been something better than Lawyers, they'd been themselves, just as they are.

Amy watched on and drank her coffee black instead of adding things. She wanted to watch her some more. She wanted to know what it was about, this mysterious call from the one who just up and left.

Then she remembered that Liam was gone too.

 _ **Why did Lauren drag me into this?**_ Amy thought. She was bouncing her leg nervously below the table but she hadn't been nervous thirty second ago. She realized and stopped. She and Lauren would be having a talk when she got back, a long talk that involved answers being given and secrets coming out.

"Yeah," Karma said, unaware of Amy's musing. "Mmmhmmm," she was playing with her hands and Amy watched them nervously. Work stressed Karma out. Work was too much for her. She shouldn't be taking on so much. And that's all Amy could see or think as she sat there across from her and took her in every small piece at a time.

She'd help her. She'd work for her.

The decision was made right there at the table. Karma needed help and Amy would try.

Happy donut Karma who smiled and laughed was so much better than pensive stressed out Karma who got abandoned and boggled down with to-do's for no good reason. Karma needed to change things and Amy would try to show her that or at least try to ease her pain for a bit. I mean, what other things did she have to do and look forward to? She'd fucked things up with Ruiz and Ward and the job was never her favorite thing about life anyways so what was it all for? This seemed a good waste of time.

Karma looked up at Amy and felt like a jerk for having her sit there while she listened to the voice on the phone. Shane was apologizing. Again. But he was also telling her that he was supposed to meet with a client in 30 minutes on Apple and Duncan which was about ten minutes away if Karma drove fast.

"Okay," Karma said. "Shane, okay," Karma said, accepting it again, another meeting that wasn't supposed to be hers. She had to confront him about this stuff but every time she tried they ended up laughing. He was so good at getting her to change the conversation and talk about other things. It was horrible because she needed things to be easy at work. But it was lovely because she needed friends more than she could ever say. An odd dynamic that never seemed to balance; if she had to describe her relationship with Shane that's what she'd be forced to admit to herself, luckily nobody ever asked her these questions and she could put off thinking about them and put off thinking about how screwed up all her close relationships were. She needed to not think. Things were better if she let them go.

As she hung up the phone all she could feel was that she was wearing thin again, feeling faint and unwell.

"I have to go somewhere," she said. She felt bad for needing to leave. For once in a long while she was actually having a good time.

"Okay," Amy said. "Do you want me to come?"

The thought hadn't even crossed Karma's mind.

"Do I…" Her mind trailed off as if she was following it outside. "I, yeah," she said. "I'd love it if you came."

It was so simple. It was like it used to be way back when the firm was starting out.

"I mean, you don't have to," Karma said. She didn't want Amy to feel trapped. She was trapped and she hated it. She didn't want anyone feeling the way she felt ALLLL THE TIME.

"No, it's fine, I want to," Amy realized. She wanted to see more of it. She wanted to see what Karma's life was actually like. The more she tagged along the weirder it all seemed. And she'd only been with her for a few hours so far but something was just driving her to stay. It was Karma's smile probably… Karma's laugh? She couldn't be sure… A mixture of things made her feel comfortable and wanted, she liked that feeling, she liked it a lot.

"Okay," Karma said, feeling confused about it all but happy. What was supposed to be another awkward meeting with someone new would turn into something more pleasant. If Amy stayed with her Karma could learn more about her. And that was a plus. With two it was always easier to greet clients. At least, it was supposed to be. Karma was excited to have a partner again. Even if only for a day. Life kind of kills you sometimes. She wasn't under any illusions that things with Amy could keep going well. People always seemed to leave her and let her down. Karma was used to saying goodbye and thank you. She was used to a lot of things that she hated. But she couldn't think about that now because she was too happy inside knowing Amy was going to stay for now.

"Want a water for the road?" Amy asked, getting up.

"Yeah," Karma said, dazed. "Sure." She brushed her hair out of her face and watched as Amy pulled two cold water-bottles from the freezer and bought them from Mrs. Ling. As they stood at the counter Karma stared down at Amy's calves and admired them. Amy looked back at her and smiled. Karma smiled too and then stepped back a little to stop herself being strange.

"K, ready," Amy said, holding her bottles and awaiting Karma's cue. "Thanks Mrs. Ling."

"Welcome Amy," Mrs. Ling said as the two of them began to leave.

"Bye," Karma said to the nice woman who knew her from tv.

"Bye bye," Mrs. Ling waved. She was so excited for them to go because she wanted to call her daughter right away and tell her everything that she'd heard. Their Amy was friends with Karma Ashcroft. It was big news for sure.

They got in the car and Karma drove the familiar roads with an extra oomph of speed. The meeting would be short. She told Amy that much but Amy already knew she wouldn't mind either way. She was used to meetings and new people. She didn't much like introductions but when things were fact-driven they had a tendency to calm her nerves.

As they reached the corner of Apple and Duncan, Karma pulled into a meter and stopped the car with precision and ease. Amy moved to get out but Karma stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"Amy, wait," she said, feeling nervous and strange. She knew she had to say something. She needed Amy to know how much her presence comforted her but it was hard to form words.

"What is it?" Amy asked as Karma sat there looking like she maybe didn't want to go after all.

"This… This may sound stupid," Karma said, looking up at her. "I'm just going to say it anyway…"

"Amy waited."

"Thanks," Karma said. "Thanks for staying today… Back at the office I just…"

"Karma, it's fine," Amy tried.

"No, I-I'm serious… I don't know what I would've done today… I'm not usually alone like that in the office… And Liam… We never…"

"Karma…" Amy used her hand to hold Karma's.

"I just want you to know that this was a big deal for me okay? I know that sounds stupid-"

"It doesn't," Amy said, tears welling up in her eyes. The whole morning she could just feel something was wrong.

Karma moved to talk again but Amy couldn't help herself, she moved her hand to Karma's neck and pulled her forward over the arm rest until her lips touched Karma's and she was kissing her, warmth spreading through her chest as Karma let her lips slide open so that Amy could taste her and know that it was okay, it all was. When they kissed it was just perfect. Amy was suddenly hungry for her and Karma felt all her thoughts flying far far away.

A knuckle knocked on Karma's driver-side window. Amy let go in surprise both from what she had done and from the fact that someone was really waiting for them just outside. Stunned and flushed Karma turned from Amy and noticed a man standing right outside. She was frazzled but she could handle it. Luckily the windows were tinted and he hadn't seen a thing. She rolled her window down and tried to act like her world hadn't just been shaken in the most positive of ways.

"Mr. Nevens, hi," she said, her voice awkwardly cracking. "We'll be just a minute."

"I thought that'd be you! You don't see many of those cars around here," he chuckled. "Take your time! I'll get us a booth." They were meeting at a restaurant that served margaritas and had bottomless chips. It'd be the perfect place to talk shop.

Karma rolled her window up and sat inside. She was too scared to speak. She didn't know what to say. And then there were the feelings, all the feelings just filling her up inside. She sat there wordlessly and Amy waited. Karma knew that she had to be careful. She didn't want to chase Amy away.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 _ **What Now?**_

Amy waited and hated it, the silence. She wanted to scream or shake her or do anything really. She felt like laughing. She just, she was so awkward and that's' all she could think about herself sometimes.

Karma sat beside her with her eyes fixed at nothing while she tried to come up with the right thing to say.

But all she could do was think…

"Why?" Karma asked. Her voice came before her wanting of it to come. She was so frustrated that she couldn't find the perfect words. She was so frustrated that her body forced her to speak before she could ever be ready to choose the right path. "Wh-why did you kiss me?" She asked, her head turning to look and see. _**What did Amy feel?**_ _**How did Amy think?**_

"I um… I didn't mean to," Amy blurted out nervously. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Karma laughed. It wasn't a bad thing. It wasn't bad… _**It was actually quite nice**_ , Karma thought. She lost herself in the memory of that kiss, closing her eyes and touching her lips. Amy watched on in confusion wondering what else she could possibly say. Karma's expression was a happy one and that was good.

"I didn't hurt you though, right?" Amy asked.

"Of course not," Karma blushed, moving her hands to unfasten her seatbelt. "Come on, she said. "We better go." They didn't have time to talk about what it all meant or what it could mean. Mr. Nevens was waiting and they were working for him now so it would be rude to make him wait.

Amy got out and felt stupid. Karma beeped the car shut and walked around to meet her. As soon as Karma passed Amy she gained her composure and felt strong again, satisfied for once in a long while. Sometimes it was little things that made big differences. That kiss had been one of those little things. Karma could feel it breathing life into every inch of her body eventhough it had come and gone. It was almost like it was a potion or something. She felt good. She felt better.

Amy watched and wondered what Karma was thinking. But it was no use, to Amy it seemed, Karma was in work-mode again just as soon and as easy as she had just not been only seconds ago. She raced after her but Karma waited for her patiently and held the door open in hopes that she would come.

"Thanks," Amy said, walking in.

"Any time," Karma said, thinking more about the kiss than the door and wondering what it all meant. She never thought about kissing a girl before, at least, she never thought it would feel just like that.

The more she thought the more she knew she was smiling like an idiot. It was impossible to chase the feeling away. Instead she pretend it was all some act to make Mr. Nevens feel welcome.

"Mr. Nevens, this is Amy Raudenfeld, she's new to the firm but we're finding her an irreplaceable asset already," Karma said. She stood between the two and gave Amy a proud stare.

"Hi," Amy said, taking his hand in hers and shaking it. She was trying to understand what had gotten into Karma but there was no time since she felt rushed.

"Great to meet you Amy, and you too Mrs. Ashcroft, I swear I never stop hearing about you!" Most of Karma's clients were just like this, rich white men with positive attitudes and lots of money.

"Well, people will talk," Karma said. It was one of the things she said at almost every new client meeting. Gossip got them most of their cases. Big money followed big money. They had no trouble keeping clients but more trouble finishing all the cases that they'd start and organizing a vast calendar of neverending court-dates and conference calls. The hardest thing about working for the firm was knowing that most of the clients wanted one of the top three to represent. It wasn't like newbies could really take things alone. It was nice having Amy for the moment but Karma knew she still had to do SOMETHING with her firm to lessen her workload and try to feel a bit more sane.

The two sat through an afternoon filled with margaritas and Mr. Neven's giving them nothing but facts about his lawsuit. By the time they were done he was certain he'd be going with Ashcroft & Raudenfeld but he had been certain of that before he even knocked twice with his knuckle on the window of Karma's car before meeting her that day.

They stood out in the parking lot and said goodbye to Mr. Nevens. Then Karma took her hands to her face awkwardly and laughed at how crazy her life had become. Mr. Nevens was great but Liam was gone and that kiss still left her on cloud 9, how could she really be feeling blessed right now? It was all a right mess.

"Do you have any idea how much this case could get us?" Karma asked.

Amy shook her head no but smiled back at her because money was a good thing, yeah?

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry," Karma said, holding her chest for a moment and looking at her new friend. "I kept you out all day. We'll pay you, I swear."

"It's fine," Amy said. She didn't even think about money, she rarely did.

"God, how'd I get so lucky," Karma asked. She was staring at Amy and just admiring how lovely she was. They'd spent a day together, an odd day. It was the best day Karma had had in a very long time and that wasn't just the tequila, she was sure of that much.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Amy asked. When Karma stared it really made her nervous. When Karma stared it was like she was missing something about herself, something she didn't know people could see.

"I dunno," Karma said. "You're pretty I guess."

"Okay, yeah, stop," Amy said, taking a step forward and pushing Karma to get her to cut it out. "You're just happy you got your dumb case," Amy teased.

"It's really not that," Karma said, staring back at her and loving the sight of her, staring back at her and wishing she'd been in her life more.

"Come on," Amy said, pushing her again this time lighter. "Stop."

"Fine, fine, okay…" Karma said, running her hand through her hair and looking out at the moving cars in the busy street. Amy made her happy. Somehow she just did. It was hard to pretend that wasn't happening. And she didn't know how to talk to her about it but it was all very real. "Come on," Karma said, trying not to look at her in the way she had been looking. "I'll take you home."

 _ **Home…**_ Amy thought. Did she even want to go home? She felt Karma pull lazily on the crook in her elbow and lead her to the car. But she didn't want to go home. Home was boring and strange. Lauren was home. Her mom was home. Being at home always meant she was just a few hours before leaving again. It was just… She didn't like it sometimes. She liked this. She liked here.

"What's amatter with you?" Karma teased. Amy had grown too quiet. They'd gotten in the car and she was driving to where she knew Lauren lived. And Amy was just there not speaking. It scared her a bit.

"I dunno," Amy said. She was still back at that kiss and at Karma sitting there next to her without words or response.

"You seem nervous all of a sudden," Karma noticed. Amy's nervousness made her nervous too.

"I… I feel nervous," Amy said, realizing it out loud.

"Really? Why?" Karma asked, a little bit worried. It was the end of the day. Things had all gone so well.

"I-I slept with Ruiz," she said, just blurting it out.

Karma tried not to show much of a reaction but the car slowed a bit and she felt herself become a little sad.

"I'm nervous," Amy said, "to try something new. It ended so bad… We didn't' talk about it. I-I was just-"

"Amy…" Karma said. She could hear her own tone. She said Amy's name just like Amy said hers. "It doesn't have to-"

"I don't usually do that," Amy said. "I don't just kiss people. I don't just sleep with them." She felt her hands shaking. She was so nervous and it came on so fast. All these thoughts about her hook-up with Reagan. These were words she was supposed to have said to her but they were relevant here too, just not as much.

"It's okay," Karma said, trying to calm her. She pulled the car over to the side of the road and parked it to try and give her more of a reason to calm. Maybe Amy was seeing the route as a ticking time-bomb? Maybe Amy thought she might never see Karma again? Karma couldn't be sure. She could tell Amy was stressed. "What do you want me to do?" Karma asked. She turned to look at Amy and noticed that she seemed sick all of a sudden so she took her hand and held it. "We can do whatever you want. This could be something or it could be nothing," Karma explained. "We can just be friends?" She said it like a question though and Amy knew what that meant.

"I really like you Karma," Amy said. "I-I know I don't even know you but I really like you and that scares me."

Karma felt herself try to hold back tears. She felt herself smile and then calm. She really liked Amy too and she understood Amy's feeling all too well. It was almost like they were meant to find each other in some way or another. It was all so fast it was almost laughable but it felt serious it really did.

"Why don't we just keep being us, okay?"

"Okay," Amy said, feeling her breathing even out.

"I feel comfortable with you. You feel comfortable with me. We'll just… We'll just keep being us and see where it goes."

"But what if-"

"Shhhhhh," Karma said, taking Amy's hand to her lips and kissing it. "You're thinking too much sweetie…" It was so obvious that it actually hurt Karma to notice it.

"I know," Amy said, realizing it too. "I-I'm sorry," she said, trying to calm. They were really close to her house, extra close. She wished she hadn't said anything. It was stupid, saying all that just now. They'd just met. It was so so stupid. "This was stupid, I shouldn't have sa-"

"No," Karma said, stopping her. "I like that you talked to me," Karma pushed, using her other hand to hold Amy's cheek and make sure she knew that she wasn't just telling her lies. "I want you to talk to me, okay?"

"What about the kiss?" Amy asked. She felt like Karma's answer to that question could make or break her. She felt she could cry at any moment and just break.

"Well, I liked the kiss," Karma said, looking down at Amy's lips and then back up at her eyes.

Amy moved to speak but Karma was done watching her feel sad and she knew what could fix her so she leaned in and kissed her again. Amy was so sad all of a sudden and a lot of it just started to make sense. Karma felt hope fill her up inside, she felt a reason to live again, a reason to be good. She kissed her so long that Karma felt breathless by the time she stopped. She pushed Amy away and laughed. "Shit, I'm sorry," she said. "I don't usually do this either," she held her hand up to show Amy her ring and Amy laughed.

"Shit," Amy sighed. She'd forgotten about all that. No wonder Karma was so stunned when she kissed her at first.

"It's over with him, really," she said. "There's no way to reconcile."

"For a second I just felt like I'd never see you again," Amy confessed, laying her head back down on the chair and staring ahead instead of at Karma who was watching her right by her side and nervous for her.

"I wouldn't let that happen," Karma said.

Amy turned to look at her, just to make sure she meant what she said. It was obvious Karma meant it.

"Okay," Amy sighed.

"Okay?" Karma asked, wanting to be sure.

"Yeah, okay," it was all Amy needed. She couldn't let another fling go unanswered, another kiss buried in obscurity. She fell too hard to allow herself to wallow in uncertainty. It made sense she needed to talk.

"Should I take you home now?" Karma asked.

"I guess so," Amy sighed, squeezing her hand and wanting to stay with her as long as she could.

"Okay," Karma sighed. As soon as she turned to drive Amy snuggled up beside her and rest her head on her shoulder.

"Sorry I'm weird," she said, and they both laughed.

"Stop being sorry, you're actually really cute," Karma said. She drove the rest of the way and Amy got out when Karma parked but she stopped at Karma's window before going in.

"Thanks for taking me home," she said.

"Not like I could leave you for Lauren," Karma teased.

They both laughed.

"Okay, well… Goodnight Karma," Amy said, trying not to feel as lame as she was feeling.

"Night," Karma said. "Sweet dreams," it was the last thing she could think to say. Amy turned from up the way and smiled back at her with a small wave.

Weird how much can change in just a matter of minutes…

Once alone Karma and Amy both realized separately that they didn't feel so small anymore…


	14. Chapter 14

_*This chapter is tiny*_

 _*Listening to Butterflyzs and Never Felt This Way by Alicia Keys*_

 _*shhhhhh*_

 **Chapter 14**

 **Butterflies**

At home, Amy felt like she was walking on a cloud. When she got home Lauren was asleep. Amy decided to give her that, even though she didn't quite deserve it.

"How was your first day sweetie?" Amy had come out into the living room in her jammies just like she always made a habit of doing after a somewhat long day. As usual her mother was ready to receive her, eager and trying not to be.

"It was good," Amy confessed. "Karma was actually pretty great."

"Karma the case killer?" Her mother's accent was so thick sometimes it made Amy laugh.

"Yeah, Karma the case killer," Amy repeated with a bit of a chuckle. It was funny to think of Karma as this sort of boss person who people were scared of. "I think she was mad I didn't know who she was," Amy confessed.

"Wouldn't you be? Lauren already told me about all that." Ah the mention of Lauren, the notorious.

"Yeah, she kinda ditched me today," Amy stirred trouble.

"But it worked out?" Her mom asked.

"Yeah, it was good," Amy said, downplaying exactly _**HOW**_ good it was. She sat down next to her Mother on the couch and watched a few episodes of the Kardashians by her side. Occasionally they would both laugh so hard they'd cried and wipe tears from their eyes.

After that though, her mom went to her room to try and make herself sleep. Ever since Bruce left on his work trip Farrah had been lonely and missing him terribly, they rarely spent time apart.

Amy tried to relax after that too. She felt bad for her mom and was trying to cheer her up by keeping her company. When Farrah left though, Amy just laid out on the couch and took out her phone to play with it.

She hadn't noticed but she had a text from an unknown number.

 _ **I really like you,**_ was all that it said.

 _ **Who is this?**_ Amy wrote back. She obviously had a sneaking suspicion but to assume would be nonsense.

 _ **I can't tell you,**_ the other person played.

Two minutes later Karma sent a picture of herself lying in bed with a book nearby and a glass of wine real close on the nightstand. The picture surprised Amy a lot. She almost stopped breathing when she first saw it. She'd never imagined Karma in bed. Not yet anyway. And then there was the lovely thought of Karma in bed thinking of her…

Amy realized she was holding her breath. She let it out in the room where no one else was.

 _ **I wish I was with you right now…**_ Amy texted back, once she could gain some composure.

 _ **Me too…**_ Karma said.

Amy tried to get a good picture of herself but it was pretty much impossible by the light of the tv screen in the living room. She didn't feel nearly as beautiful as Karma just was.

She turned off the tv and walked into her room. Feeling restless, she lay down on her bed and tried to get comfortable but it was pretty much impossible.

At a loss, she pulled her phone up again and stared at that picture of Karma and smiled to herself before tapping her phone on her chin feeling giddy and then tapping her phone on her forehead to try to stop herself from being a spaz.

She rolled over in bed and hugged her phone. In all truth she felt giddy. The picture had done something to her. Determined now, Amy took a picture of herself again. This one she was somehow okay with, if only knowing that Karma would like to see it, so she quickly sent it away.

After that she sighed in relief and cuddled up to her pillow with thoughts of Karma dancing 'round in her head. If Karma was thinking of her everything was okay. That thought rocked Amy sweetly to slumber and then to a deeper, sweeter, sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

*victress: thanks for your comment. i honestly feel compelled to give you my own background for karma (granted this is basic and corny as hell). what happened to karma in this story is simple, she followed someone else's dream to make that person happy but that person stopped loving her (and maybe never did) way before the dream was actually achieved and that person never saw what they were doing to her or to her life. to me, karma without amy in high school would fall head-over-heels for liam despite the warning signs of a disastrous relationship. liam doesn't actually make her happy, but karma thinks liam is everything that she wants and needs. liam is more worried about his own life to see what his girlfriend/wife is giving up for him, he's basically always fucking up and asking more than he should of the person who loves him, barely seeing her feelings and her wishes and her problems and her life. in this backstory karma did everything liam suggested. in this backstory karma was liam's biggest fangirl, his biggest cheerleader. imagine elle woods if warren never broke up with her. imagine elle woods (from legally blonde) following warren through law school and helping warren look better while she's becoming a far better lawyer than him. imagine warren using her, rarely seeing her wants needs and helps and then dumping her regardless of what she did to win him and stuff. karma became the best lawyer in texas just to look good on liam's arm and be accepted by him and his family. she took classes with him and went to college with him because all she wanted was him and that's it. and yes, the problem is, she didn't really want any of the things she achieved. she wanted liam but she couldn't win him in the end. no matter what karma did, liam was bound to leave her. he was bound to be unhappy because he was never really in love with any of the things he was doing. if he was in love he could never let her do the things she did for him. she thought she wanted these things (a firm, a career in law) because at the time she wanted to please liam more than she wanted to do anything else (just like liam wanted to please his parents). amy wasn't there so liam was all she had. he was all that was hers and she wanted to keep him. but karma didn't really want to be a lawyer, she wanted to be a singer. karma never wanted to make her parents unhappy and make her family feel like all they had taught her was for nought. to me karma is at a point in her life, now in this story, where she is looking back and seeing that she has done everything for her husband who isn't really in love with her. it's a sad state of affairs. it's no wonder she's ready to have an affair. she chose liam as her life and liam chose to let her down and love her less. he may not have planned that but he let her become everything he wanted her to become. he didn't stop that. he didn't push her to pursue her interests and her dreams, he did the opposite and she thought she was making him happy. that's why now in this story karma is so broken. there's no taking back over ten years of your life. she can't go back and un-date liam. she can't go back and choose a youtube channel over law school. she can't go back and go to hollywood at 18 just to see what will happen. she's successful but in a way she never really connected with her work (possibly because it's so anti-her). she's great at her job but she was only ever great because she thought it would make her lover happy. she gave up everything for him because to her he had been enough, he was everything. but he gave up on her, regardless. he wasn't in love. and he should've stopped things the first second he realized but he didn't. so that's that. that's karma's background, that's the place where she's coming from. she built herself up to be his queen and now she's a queen of an empire she never wanted and a kingdom she never felt an affinity for. without him in her life pretty much all of it seems a waste. the distance from her family, the career built for him, it all seems unnecessary and if anything almost harmful to her soul because she's working corporate and taking money from mostly rich punks who keep honest-folk down. it's a big mess. it's a huge mess. her soul is icky. she needs to wash it clean. she needs a change. and then amy comes in at the perfect time.*

 **Chapter 15**

 _ **Time to Wake Up**_

In the morning, Lauren didn't wake her up. Amy got up around noon and wandered into the kitchen where no one else was. She had slept so sound that she didn't dream or hear when her mother and Lauren both left.

There were no messages on her phone and everyone was gone.

Amy found herself at a loss. For once she actually didn't want to be the odd man out.

She got dressed and ready and decided to visit the office just to see if she could help. When she got there though the door was locked and the place looked abandoned again. Out front by the curb Amy noticed that there were no cars. But she noticed more that one, in particular, was missing over all the others.

"Great…" She sighed to herself. The heat was trying to bite at her and she hated it. She looked left and right and wondered where Karma and Lauren could both be. Then she got in her car and began to drive around. In the moment she just told herself that she was bored and wanted something to do so she was driving. But really she was driving by all the places she thought Lauren could be.

The second place she checked was Liam's mansion. She buzzed the gate and it opened. There, in the drive-way, was one of two matching cars. Amy kicked herself for not knowing the license plate. There was no way for her to know which person was inside.

She shrugged though, nervously. Either way, it was normal for her to be there right? Either way, it wasn't weird?

She parked and got out. The walk was familiar but she felt nervous for coming without an invite. In her head she was asking herself if she was desperate and if any of this was really about Lauren at all. In truth she knew the answer. It was about Karma. Of course it was about Karma. Amy wanted to see her again. She'd been away from her for only a few hours but she already wanted to see her again. The urge was insufferable. And she had that picture now, the one she couldn't avoid. In her pocket it called to her but she resisted and felt safe just knowing it was there.

Opening the door to Shane's ridiculous mansion, Amy stepped inside and went in.

"Hello?" She called.

"Out here!" A voice yelled. _**Lauren**_ , Amy knew. Her shoulders slumped down and she felt sadly disappointed. She had wanted it to be Karma, she really did.

Nevertheless, Amy followed the voice out to see that Lauren and Shane were both by the pool laying on those long chairs and tanning and talking as lazy as ever two people could be.

"Whatcha guys doin'?" Amy asked, once she had gotten so close she could block Lauren's sun and act a nuisance towards her.

"We're strategizing," Lauren bit, annoyed by her presence. "It's important."

"Oh," Amy said, pretending to care.

"Hi Amy," Shane groaned sleepily. He was lying on his stomach and trying to recover from his parties and his horror-show of a flight that had disgusting turbulence for no apparent reason. He'd chewed Lauren's ear off all morning about some judgmental lady in first class who was rude to him and then moaned the whole flight and inappropriately clung unto him the second she became scared.

"Hi Shane," Amy said. She felt like they were already friends and she liked that. Either they were friends or she just didn't give a shit. Amy couldn't be sure which was true but it really didn't matter.

"As you well know, Liam took off," Lauren reminded.

"Yeah," Amy agreed. She moved to sit down on the chair next to Lauren and relax. She wanted to ask where Karma was right away but she felt stupid and swallowed her curiosity down. She pulled her phone out since she was frustrated. Since the feeling was strong, she text her quick just to appease herself. _**Where are you? Are you okay?**_

"Shane called a few of our standbys back in. Theo's with Karma in court right now. They're dealing with that Morris Vector case. Thank god. But Karma needs help."

"So, naturally, you're both sitting poolside," Amy teased.

"Hey!" Lauren said sitting up. "Don't act all judgmental. You're sitting poolside too."

"Yeah, Lauren, because no one has told me how this firm works. I would've been up this morning if I knew Karma needed me."

"What?" Lauren asked, sizing her sister up and feeling strange about that sentence she had just heard. Why all of a sudden was Amy Raudenfeld so onboard?

"I-I just mean if you need help that's why I'm here," Amy tried to hide her true reason for being upset. She hated the thought of Karma in court all alone after yesterday.

"No, no, no, no, no, you said if _**KARMA**_ needs me. You said that," Lauren corrected.

"Yeah well, she's the one in court right now, isn't she? Of course I said that." Amy covered.

"What happened with you two," Lauren said, suddenly aware. "You were out all day with her and all night," she wanted to know everything but her sister was a hard one. Amy always seemed to wiggle her way from quick explanations. She was obviously uncomfortable though and to Lauren that meant that _**SOMETHING**_.

"Yeah, you ditched me, remember?" Amy wasn't about to give Lauren any kind of scoop.

"Something happened," Lauren was sure. "You're acting all weird and you showed up here when you could be sleeping. You love sleep. You hate work. Why are you here? This doesn't make any sense. You're hiding something." Lauren talked so fast, it was her way. Amy and Shane were both used to tuning her out and rolling with her long-winded banter.

"I hung out with Karma all day yesterday. I watched her work. I feel bad for her okay?" But that wasn't it, that wasn't why. To Lauren though, it was a very _**Amy**_ thing to say and feel.

"Oh," Lauren said. "K." She liked reminders of how weak other people were, how emotions could rule them, and this was one of those. "God, as long as you're not like falling in love with her because, yeah, no thanks."

"Funny," Amy teased angrily with a fake smile and a look that meant she sorta wanted to murder her dear sister.

"Wait what?" Shane turned over and sat up.

"Amy fucked her last boss. It's kind of the reason she needed a new job." Lauren blurted out. She hated when other people didn't know important things.

"I didn't need a new job," Amy fought to rectify the lies. "And we slept together but it was only once."

"Why only once?" Shane teased, giving her a smile.

" _ **She**_ wanted more. Her boss _**didn't**_." Lauren said, laying back down and shutting her eyes in the sun.

"How was it? Was he good?"

Lauren sat up again and started to laugh.

"You think Amy slept with Oliver?" She laughed.

"It's not that funny asshole," Amy was wondering how they got on this topic at all and then she remembered that it was Lauren's fault. It was always Lauren's fault when secrets like this were aired out.

"Reagan?!" Shane was shocked but in a good way. He looked Amy up and down. "Damn girrrrl," he said, almost imagining it.

"Okay, you guys can stop now please," this bullshit was childish.

"Yeah," Lauren said taking a deep breath in and lying back down again. It took that long to recover from her laughing fit. "So you can see why I might think-"

"Amy and Karma," Shane mused to himself. "I like it." But he knew she was straight. "Karma wouldn't though, she loves Liam." Amy swallowed a bit of her nervousness down. If she said nothing from here, the conversation might actually drop.

Her phone buzzed.

Karma: _**In court. Vector is a pill. Wish you were here.**_

"Who are you texting?" Lauren asked nosily.

"Just mom," Amy lied but Lauren believed it, those two were disgustingly close. It made Lauren jealous sometimes. But Farrah was great so it was all Amy's fault naturally.

Amy: _**Want me to come? I tried to find you. I'm with Lauren and Shane.**_

"On Monday things with the firm will be back to normal," Lauren pushed with a sigh. "Shane called Liam. He's coming back. Plus the offices will be full and all the junior partners will be back in rotation. We weren't supposed to be in court this week. We were supposed to go on a full pause but things happen. Shane made exceptions like the dumbass he is."

"Hey!" Shane warned. For Shane, it was much too early for insults and excuses. They should be drinking Bloody-Mary's and laughing over brunch. This wasn't right.

"He means well," Lauren gave a bit. She was rambling really. The sun beating down on her as she absorbed all its goodness. She loved the mansion. It was an excellent buy. It was like having her own resort close by.

Amy sat beside her sister and felt strange. If this was a slow week what were their busy weeks like? She thought about Karma in court and wished she was sitting by her side.

Karma: _**Omg. You're so sweet! Meet for dinner?**_

Amy: _**Love to :D**_

"Yeah, okay, you're smiling like a stupid idiot. Now I know you're not texting Mom."

" _ **Shit.**_ It's none of your business Lauren. Plus I need to talk to you about all this. I don't like not knowing where I should be. I like being good at my job." Shane was there so Amy felt a bit strange talking about all this. As she spoke her voice nearly trailed into an angry whisper.

This time, Lauren and Shane _**BOTH**_ started to laugh.

"Fine, whatever," Amy scoffed and got up to leave. She'd had enough of the giggle twins. Everything was obviously just a joke to them.

"Ahhh, don't go," Shane whined and felt guilty. Amy was so cute with all her seriousness and her caring. "Have a pool day with us. We're gonna talk shop and make drinks."

"I have to meet someone," Amy lied off-hand. She'd had enough of the layabouts. She didn't want to become one of them, not while Karma was working and stressing out. It just wouldn't be right. The potential info she could get from them would not outweigh the risk of some of her truths coming out about Karma and what they did or did not do yesterday. And though she wanted to talk to Lauren it was all a mess and she needed to do that while Lauren was completely alone. It was pointless. It all was.

"Fine, keep your secrets," Lauren teased. Amy was bad with secrets, they both knew. Lauren would get the truth soon enough, it was only a matter of when and where.

"See ya guys later," Amy said and made a sad face. Shane mimicked it and waved as she left.

"She's weird," Shane said once Amy was far enough away that she could never in her life hear him.

"Something's up," Lauren answered him, without even turning her head or opening her eyes. She knew something happened; there was no question about any of that.


	16. Chapter 16

*hi all! i'm having a hard time deciding whose head to be in for this story for the most part here. my usual instinct with this pairing is to be more in karma's head than amy's because karma is more of a mess mentally (and that is deliciously fun for a writer, let-me-tell-you)but this one has mostly been following amy just out of habit (probably because I missed her so much tbh) so it's this whole thing*

*this chapter is long and weird. i'd apologize but nah*

*victress: GO FOR BOTH the picket fence AND the career! that's my dream :D also to work at home though and also I don't have children (or want them really) but I do want to be able to put up all my friends for long periods of time and without a care for money hahaha that is truly the dream for me*

 **Chapter 16**

 _ **Stay With Me**_

Karma swung by the house at about 6:20pm. Amy had dressed nicely and done her own hair. All day she'd been inside just waiting and getting more and more excited to see her friend. Every hour that went by was equal parts agony and bliss. She'd pace the floor from her room on into the kitchen. She'd try to eat and then stop herself. She'd check Karma's message again and then smile and drop her phone. Just getting dressed was nearly impossible but she had done it. Amy's whole day just sort of melted away and all in anticipation of her night.

Karma on the other hand had been busy busy busy, too busy to think for the most part but still sort of pleased in the back of her mind to know that her day would end with a reward, another sweet Amy day. Something about that girl just made her happy. So when she did get a chance and she did think of Amy she felt relief. Driving to Lauren's house Karma secretly hoped that Lauren wasn't there. It was nothing against her really but Karma wanted Amy all to herself.

In the front of Amy's house, after a somewhat tiring day, Karma parked her car and got out. She went to the passenger side and leaned back on the car while she texted Amy that she was there. There was finally some time to relax and she couldn't be happier about that.

Not more than two seconds later Amy came rushing out and she looked stunning. Karma immediately felt happy at the sight of her and as Amy grew closer she felt herself nervous too, overwhelmed.

"Hey," she said, pushing herself off the car and hugging the new friend who felt like an old friend.

"Hey," Amy sighed, hugging her too, a true confidant.

"I missed you today," Karma said, holding her close. It was already dark outside and she already wished she had more time, perhaps to change after work, but she just wanted to get to Amy, she hated to think of keeping her waiting so she drove straight there after her last briefing with another of Shane's clients that Karma really didn't care much for.

"I missed you too," Amy said, and it hurt how true her words were, she felt them deep inside as she held her. She let her nose rest on Karma's hair so she could breathe her in. And she noticed that Karma's hands were at her sides now instead of her back where they had first been. Karma's fingers were politely clasping at the fabric on Amy's silky shirt, Amy noticed and pulled away. It felt strange to feel so close so soon.

"Lauren said Liam's coming back," Amy tried to speak about anything. It was the last thing Karma wanted to hear or think about. Amy didn't know that though but she'd already screwed up.

"Oh, really?" Karma asked, trying to be okay with it. In a lot of ways she just wished Liam would take himself away from her at the very least just to be kind.

"You didn't know?" Amy asked, looking down at her.

Sadly, Karma slowly shook her head to mean _**no**_ and Amy watched on feeling somewhat mortified at herself and Karma's life.

"I'm sorry," Amy said, pulling Karma into her and hugging her again. Karma liked the feel of the hug but thinking about Liam was no fun anymore and she wished she could stop that. If she could erase him from her mind altogether now she was sure that she would. It'd be a lot better than holding onto the bitterness and sadness and the years of never feeling good enough for him. Even the thought of him, on a plane, heading back now made her nauseous. She wanted him to leave her alone. She'd been wanting him to leave her for a while now. To admit his emotions. To confess that he was no longer in love. Instead of doing so he was silent and cruel like Don Draper from Mad Men, slipping out to have affairs and acting tired when his life was not much of a chore. Liam had finally left her but it was at her insistence and, as she was just now finding out, it was only to last a good hot minute. A small consolation, too small to stand the test of time. That could never come close to being enough. Nothing with him really could, not after all that she'd been through. She'd never go back and do it again, not any of it. Her life was regrets and Karma hated regrets because she had too many.

On the flip-side of things Amy was trying to make Karma feel well. Karma noticed that straight-off and took to thinking about Amy, this woman in her life who was pretty and sweet and definitely worth the time to know. Karma couldn't push her aside and she didn't want to. She put Amy in that place where Liam used to be in her brain and she tried to hold her there, at least for the time being, it was a better feeling, a sweet rumination. If Karma could compare the thoughts to anything substantial she'd compare them to house listings on the web. Where Liam was a dilapidated split-level with stains on the walls, no room, and no parking, Amy was a welcoming new home, with excellent lighting, a two car garage and a stunning veranda straight-off. Karma wasn't sure why she was thinking about houses now so she shook it all away.

The night was young. There was no need for droll thoughts. Karma tried her best to push them away. Being busy was a help. But her time with Amy was her me-time and her me-time was always actually hard, though she wished it not to be. Never-the-less, they drove to a restaurant that Karma preferred. It was a fancy place lit only by candles inside. Funnily enough, the seating was mostly outdoors and they had expensive furniture set up for individual parties so that guests could patio-drink-and-dine in-private by candle-and-string-light and have an intimate backdrop for their various rendezvous, parties, and dates.

"It's nice here," Amy noticed. She felt uncomfortable though because she never came to places like this.

At the door the hostess had seen Karma approaching and set a man to lead them both straight out to Karma's favorite spot. Amy was sure this place was reservation-only and even then not welcoming to most. That knowledge put her off right away. The service was excellent but it was all to do with money and notoriety. Amy hated that shit, she really did. It made her feel sick inside. In truth, it distracted her.

"Yeah, I like it," Karma said. She felt bruised all day. Fighting back tears over Liam had been a real chore. And even though she was with Amy now they weren't having their banter yet so she felt strange like maybe she shouldn't feel so close to her since they only really spent one day together. What was one day? What could one day be to another person? True, it had meant a lot to Karma but Karma wasn't so sure. She knew she could be overestimating things, personalizing them a little too much. Karma was aware of her own dangerous paths and instincts now and they frightened her.

They'd been sitting a few minutes, trying to find the comfort. Amy was having a hard time. It was the setting. Or maybe it was Karma? She tried to put a finger on it but itw as hard. In nervousness, she began to ramble a bit.

"I felt crazy this morning. I don't usually get like that," Amy said, taking a sip of her martini. She was trying to put off all her angry thoughts about fame and riches. Her morning of angry thoughts about Lauren helped with that.

"Crazy?" Karma asked, looking up at her and noticing her again. By candlelight Amy was a true vision. Her blonde hair tumbled down in front of her shoulders making her appear even taller than she was and she was sitting so straight that it almost frightened Karma so she tried to mimic her and be elegant too.

If Amy even thought that Karma was thinking of her as elegant she would laugh. But she was not aware.

"Yeah, I just… I woke up and I was the only one home and Lauren was gone and I just kept thinking, _**I shouldn't be here…**_ "

"Oh," Karma sighed, not understanding. What was it that Amy was trying to say? "You're used to working right?" Karma guessed.

"Well, yeah, but… Not really," Amy confessed. "Usually if I'm home I like being home." Having a job wasn't the point. The point was that Amy wanted to be with Karma and she couldn't get to her, those feelings were new.

"And you live with Lauren and your Mom?" Karma asked. Making conversation for her was not hard. Karma was naturally curious and overly honest about that.

"And my step-dad, yeah," Amy said, drinking more and feeling nervous. All of a sudden it just really started to feel like a date.

"That's cute, you all stay close…" Karma mused sitting back and looking out over the other parties and the empty grass nearby, a space that was most definitely used on occasion for private parties. "Lauren makes enough to have several houses, you know that right?" Fun little facts. They were close now, they could talk about them openly in good jest.

"I… didn't know that, no," Amy sighed awkwardly.

"She does," Karma confirmed for the record. "She makes a lot. She wins a lot of cases. She's a big help."

"Yeah, but she's Lauren," Amy teased.

"True," Karma laughed, coming out of her stiffly elegant pose. Something had been eating at her all night and day. "Why do you like me?" Karma asked, she was unable to dance around it. Instead she came back down to Earth and back inside her current situation. She couldn't resist asking. She spoke and surprised Amy, with her words, in every possible way.

"What do you mean?" Amy asked looking up at her nearly shocked. All the anger was gone. For a second the conversation had worked but then they were back to it being weird again.

"You're not about money… Or fame…. You're not into power…" Karma had been trying to figure it out for a while now. There had to be something that Amy wanted from her. Everybody wanted something.

"I'm not, no," Amy reminded and then sighed, disappointed. The place where they were was so not a place she'd ever want to be. And it was nice but it stood for things she didn't like. Speaking of which, she didn't like this line of questioning or where it was coming from. She felt uncomfortable and she rang the bell for another drink. All the tables had bell-systems set-up.

Karma watched her and noticed the change.

"Why do you like me?" Amy asked, turning it all around. Her anger had momentarily waned but it was back now just a little.

If Karma believed that everyone wanted something from her. How did she feel about Amy? And what did she want from her?

"You make me feel safe," Karma said, realizing it again. She liked that she could tell what Amy was thinking. And most people weren't usually able to turn things around on her, only a few knew the way. "And I just made you feel like shit didn't I?" Karma asked, realizing it and hating herself.

"Its fine," Amy shrugged, scratching her arm and wishing they could start over tonight. She had her nice sleeves rolled up and Karma couldn't stop staring at the place where her shirt neared her elbow. Amy's arms were beautiful. _**Lovely**_ , Karma sighed. She was in a daze somehow. She was just so aware of Amy's body language. I guess you could say, Karma noticed that she was watching her more than talking or thinking about her own words.

She wasn't all there. Meeting people and putting on different fronts could really wear on a person. And the hugging, with Amy, had been good, the relief then had been so palpable _**but this was…**_

On the flip-side Amy was feeling like she was failing in every possible way. Karma was distracted and not with her. She'd fucked something up, she was sure.

"We just… We didn't have to go out tonight if you were tired or something," Amy felt like an idiot. She'd been so excited that she forgot how complicated talking could be if things weren't easy to discuss. Just like she had forgotten it might be hard to get used to being with someone who was used to having and using more money than she herself knew what to do with.

"No! Shit…" Karma leaned forward desperately, the last thing she wanted to do was insult Amy. Beside herself with guilt she stood up suddenly and Amy did too just out of reflex. "I'm sorry, really. I'm no good at this. I haven't done this in… Well…" Karma had touched her hand to Amy's arm. She hadn't intended to do it but now she was seeing it, her fingers on Amy's skin, her ring on her finger like a blarring reminded. She took her hand back quickly and looked down at her ring again. It frustrated her so she pulled it off. "I haven't done this," Karma reminded shakily but with a surety. Her eyes darted up to Amy's and Amy noticed that Karma wasn't as cool as she seemed. She was nervous too and somehow that helped Amy to feel calm.

Karma put her ring down on the table and took her drink up again as a sign of wanting to try.

"We don't have to do anything," Amy said, sitting back down. It was feeling like a forced date. How the hell did that happen? "I just wanted to see you," that was surely simple.

"Amy…" Karma couldn't help noticing how uncomfortable she'd somehow made Amy feel. She got up from her chair and walked over to sit next to Amy instead of across from her. If she could just hug her again and make it alright she would. She'd been in the clouds, somewhere else. It wasn't Amy's fault. _**Fuck.**_ Karma thought.

Amy felt the hair on her arms stand up as her neck twitched and she tried to act normal.

"I'm an idiot, okay?" Karma nearly begged, coming near to her. She had alcohol on her tongue and a she used a gentle hand to push Amy's hair back behind her shoulders as she sat down real close to her. And then, without much of a warning, Karma was looking at her and touching Amy's face adoringly, her thumb stroking Amy's cheek and she watched how much Amy reacted to her, her eyes fluttering just a bit. _**God, she's pretty**_ , Karma thought.

Amy felt her lips part and her eyes close as she took a deep breath in. It was like Karma had a spell on her. When Karma touched her she felt so many fucking things.

"Fuck," Amy said, opening her eyes and trying not to feel like such a little kid. She looked down at the ground and let out the air she was holding in. But she tried to do it ever-so-slowly as not to seem strange. The result was that she seemed nervous, about as nervous as she was, and Karma picked up on that. She was watching her after all, trying to figure her out and see what it was she wanted. Karma was beginning to understand that maybe Amy was just really attracted to her. But she was cute about it, so cute. Amy didn't stare, in fact, it was almost like she couldn't let herself. She looked everywhere else.

"What is it?" Karma asked, she was rubbing the back of Amy's neck and sitting so close to her now. She loved how Amy seemed to break at her touch. It was intense and it made her feel things. Most importantly, when Karma was with Amy there were no thoughts of Liam, no thoughts.

"I just… You feel really good," Amy said, admitting it, allowing her eyes to close as Karma adored her.

"I've never met anyone like you," Karma said. She'd been watching her so closely, staring so thoroughly that Amy had taken up her whole world.

Amy brought her hand up and pulled Karma's hand down to get her to stop the touching. When Karma was touching her she couldn't focus and she couldn't talk.

"What does that mean?" Amy asked, she was trying, to focus, to know her. People always said these things to her and they never made sense. No one ever explained.

"You're just a really good person," Karma said, her voice almost a whisper as she felt Amy needed gentility and tenderness and a voice like a kiss so delicate and soft. Her hand was in Amy's and she liked where it was, she liked how it felt. Just as she liked that Amy felt strong enough to stop her.

"Wow, that makes me feel like a girl scout or something," Amy said sadly, remembering her place. This was her boss. This was strange. She didn't want another situation where she felt used. It was all pretty scary actually but Karma touch was… _**Fuck…**_ She thought in her head.

"Yeah well, you are a girl scout," Karma teased, knowing little about Amy's fears.

"I'm really not," Amy said, taking the drink that was left for her and pulling it up to put a barrier between Karma and herself.

"Okay fine… You're not a girl-scout," Karma smiled. There was a softness in her eyes and she realized immediately that she felt nothing but affection for Amy somehow. "You are sweet though," she said.

"I'm an idiot," Amy fought. If they were going to talk about anything then they really should just start talking about that.

"Why would you even say that?" Karma asked. It seemed so silly, so stupid. No doubt in her mind, it was false.

"I'm not used to people touching me," Amy said. She felt stupid for having to stop Karma. Karma wasn't some predator. Karma was lovely and gentle. Her intentions were almost nonexistent and yet, Amy was too nervous to let her try.

How strange that she should crave her all night and day and then stop her from touching her when she's finally close.

"That's a good thing, right?" Karma asked.

"I dunno," Amy sighed, sitting next to her and feeling the distance and how short it was. Any distance between them was a distance she was creating. It was almost like Amy could feel the air between her and Karma as it shook and tried to shrink itself. "Most people our age have been with a lot of people."

Karma laughed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know…" Amy urged, before taking another sip. "Sex," Amy said, hating the word and how it still made her a little hot and whole lot of bashful. She remembered Karma's hand on her neck and moved her head just a little to try and shake off her touch.

"Oh," Karma smiled, she moved her body closer to Amy's and shifted so that she could lean onto Amy's side and drink her drink in her left hand. "That."

"Yup," Amy said, swallowing her drink down nervously. "That," Amy repeated. With Karma against her, she let her left arm fall so that she could lightly hold her. When she did move, Karma smiled to herself.

"I haven't been with many people," Karma said to make her feel better.

"Yeah but you've had lots of sex," Amy was sure.

"How could you possibly know that?" Karma asked.

"Well, for one, you're married," Amy mused.

"I don't see any babies," Karma teased.

"True," Amy said, feeling the buzz and wanting it more.

Karma was starting to notice that the more Amy drank the more relaxed she was becoming. If not relaxed with her body then maybe relaxed with her words. She was confessing things, things Karma never could've anticipated. Amy surprised her.

"Can I get you another drink?" Karma asked, loving how it felt to be with her.

"Maybe," Amy smiled lazily, looking over at her suspiciously.

She was so great that Karma wished to keep her forever just then. She leaned forward and rang the bell again. When the waiter came with a random tray she pulled two more drinks off and ordered a special drink with a silly name Amy had never heard of before.

"What are you doing?" Amy asked.

"What?" Karma played. She took a plastic sword out of her martini and ate the olive right off of it. "We haven't eaten," Karma reminded, staring some more. Amy's eyes were simply mesmerizing and she was becoming addicted to that face. It was a situation. That picture Amy had sent made Karma's stomach do summersaults every time she remembered it and stared. She dropped her eyes a second to try and contain herself. Karma hadn't felt this way in a loooooong time and definitely not for a woman, not ever.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Amy asked point-blank.

"Never," Karma teased, drinking half of her martini in one gulp and trying not to smile herself off of the planet. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was trying to get myself drunk?" Karma played. _**I'm flirting,**_ she thought. _**This is flirting. Holy shit.**_

Liam had only been out of the country for five minutes and in that span of time Karma had found someone she had actually really liked. To her it was insane. She thought she was done with that somehow but now…

"Bullshit," Amy smiled, she was suddenly so aware that it gave her pleasure. Karma was flirting. Karma was trying to get her drunk AND she was flirting. _**RED FLAG**_. Amy thought. "We have to go," she said, her face red.

"Uh-uh," Karma refused. She laid back down on the couch and let her head rest on Amy's lap so that she could stare up at her. "Stay with me?" She begged, her hands roaming again now that she knew how she really felt.

Amy felt powerless to Karma's begging. She felt Karma touching her again. Karma's hands were snaking up onto her neck and rubbing her skin. Fuck, it was insufferable, it felt so good.

"Can we at least do this at your house?" Amy insisted awkwardly.

"I hate my house," Karma sighed. The mention of her house brought her back to her sad reality. Her hands fell back down in hopelessness as she remembered that her house was Liam's house too.

"Okay," Amy said, realizing that. "What about Shane's mansion then?" She took Karma's hand in hers, laced her fingers, and squeezed. She just wasn't about being all drunk and touchy-feely in public. Just like she wasn't about just one hookup with her boss. She didn't like that she could have a pattern of troublesome behavior.

"What about your house?" Karma asked with a smile.

"My house has two nosy women in it," Amy laughed with closed-lips, looking down at her semi-drunk and definitely amorous friend. Karma's hand felt good in her own. She loosely held and it and felt suddenly grateful for the night. This woman was so sexily silly that it hurt to resist her and talk sense in any way. "If we go there they'll be all over us." Amy was sure.

"Oh," Karma sighed. "Fine," she said. "A hotel."

"A hotel?!" Amy scoffed.

"What?"

"Karma…"

"What?" Karma wasn't sure why Amy was so against it. She stared up at her confused and noticed Amy's thoughts racing a little too fast.

"I'm not…" Amy wanted to say something but she stopped herself. The thought of getting a hotel implied something to her and she didn't like what it implied.

"Oh!" Karma said, realizing. "Oh My God, no!" Karma said sitting up and feeling embarrassed. "We can sleep," Karma confirmed. "Just sleep," she reinforced and Amy laughed. "Shit," Karma felt relief in Amy's laughter. "I didn't mean-"

"It's fine," Amy shook it off. Was it so bad to assume a hook-up?

"And after what you said about-" Karma felt instantly rude and foolish.

"Karma, it's fine," Amy pushed. She stood up from her chair and held Karma's hand waiting for her to stand too. When Karma didn't stand on her own Amy pulled her up and made her come.

"I seriously do not understand how you can put up with me," Karma said, her face painfully close to Amy's. It was too embarrassing. And the pain that dwelled in Karma had all to do with not being able to just kiss her. She never meant to insult or imply… But she _**did**_ want to kiss her, she realized that somewhere between the second she touched her tonight out in front of her house and the moment that lighting hit with the candles and then that laugh Amy got her to make that felt unfamiliar but so so good, somewhere in there it was just this feeling coming on so very strong, this need and hope to just be… Just be kissing her.

"There's nothing to put up with," Amy smiled, realizing that Karma was just a wreck too and an undeniably sweet one, like, irresistibly so. "Come on, I'm sleepy, take me home," she pushed lovingly. She didn't want to see Lauren or her mom. A hotel would do just fine for the two of them.

When the hostess came by Amy told her they needed a driver and that they would pay. Because she was with Karma it only took a few minutes to get one just out of the blue.

In the back of the car Karma rest on Amy and Amy held her. They still hadn't eaten but neither of them gave a damn. They'd rather be touching than eating. That had always been the truth they just never said any of that out loud and right now it was definitely not on their minds.

"Why do I want to be with you so much?" Karma asked sleepily. Amy just felt so right. Safe…

"I dunno," Amy sighed heavily, "but I know how you feel…"

Amy rest her lips in Karma's hair and held her on the way to the hotel. Eventually Karma somehow moved. As a result, Amy rest her lips on Karma's forehead and held the side of Karma's face in her hand, adoring her. The position should've felt odd but it didn't. It felt right.

Amy didn't feel the distance anymore, no more static, no more awkwardness. All she felt was that Karma was with her and Karma felt nice.

Karma smiled to herself, her heart almost bursting in her chest as Amy held her. It felt so good to be held. Amy smelled so great and her skin was so warm on Karma's that it burned in a good way and made her anxious to touch, almost desperate for it, thirsty. Amy was nothing like Liam, so different that it actually hurt in every unspoken correct way. Karma tried to quell her feelings just a smidge but instead she felt hot and almost panicked in how lovely it felt to be held by her.

When they had to get out, and find their room, Amy was sad. All she wanted all day was to hold Karma. She was suddenly so aware of how perfect things seemed with her again.

But Karma was tipsy and tired and pulling away, at least, that's what Amy saw and incorrectly assumed. Was that at all what Karma was feeling? To put it shortly: no. But Amy saw that night would lead again into day. All good days come to an end. Things change at the drop of a hat, after all. Thoughts like this buried Amy as she mechanically followed Karma inside.

When the concierge asked if Karma wanted her usual room or a different one, Amy felt herself standing just back of the stunning red-head and wondering how many other people came here with her. For a moment the thought stung... Amy tucked it away and tried to pretend it never occurred to her. Karma smiled back at her, knowing not of these things. She reached out for Amy's hand. Amy took it and helped her to the elevator, taking a bit of her weight just because.

When the doors finally closed, locking them together inside, Amy felt the phantom taste of Karma's last loving kiss and all her fears seemed to flee. She ran her hand down her neck and Karma noticed and wondered what on Earth was going on in that strange yet beautiful head.


	17. Chapter 17

_*warning: lil bit of nakey time in this*_

 **Chapter 17**

 _ **All The Space**_

"I've been coming here a lot," Karma said, as they rode the elevator up to the top. Amy was nervous again, acting strange. She talked a lot about not being good with touching. And then there was that thing with her boss. Karma remembered it sweetly now with all this other info in mind. "Liam has made living at home impossible." She wanted to calm Amy, comfort her, make her feel as safe as she felt in her presence. But thoughts came easier than results. She held the railing near her friend and gave her a little space.

For the record, Karma wasn't like Liam. Karma hadn't slept with anyone else. Not yet...

"What do you mean?" Amy asked.

"I mean, I don't feel safe with him. I don't feel happy when he's there." There were a lot of things she could say.

"He's not like…" A disturbing thought shook Amy.

"He doesn't touch me," Karma pushed, beating Amy's thoughts and sending them away. It wasn't that he was physical. It was mental. And it all hurt. Karma needed to be touched. She was just that sort of person. "He treats me like I'm not there or like I'm bothering him…"

"Oh…" Amy sighed. It was too sad to think about.

"So I leave," Karma sighed. "A lot of the time…" She hated the distance from Amy. She hated that a few seconds had actually gone by when they weren't touching each other. She hated it.

In her mind, Amy was sure that the mansion might've had more to do with Karma than with Liam or Shane. Liam was probably anticipating this. Amy wondered how much Lauren knew. But she didn't want to ask about all that. If Lauren was making enough to own several houses then Karma could have her own mansions too, or certainly her own small modest house. She must've tried to stay though. And she must've tried for too long.

The silence was heavy and the elevator kept going up.

"What are you thinking?" Karma asked, sure now that Amy was jumping to conclusions about her without breathing a word of them out loud.

"I wish he didn't treat you like that," Amy said. It was simple. It was sweet.

"It's not your fault," Karma reassured.

"That doesn't make it any better," Amy confessed. She couldn't stop looking at Karma now and thinking of Karma stuck with this cold person and this broken life she didn't deserve. Liam was wrong to be cold. People just shouldn't treat other people that way. Especially people who are pretending to be in love. Amy would hate to be treated like that.

The elevator dinged and opened up to a large living room with enormous windows looking out over the city.

"Whoa," Amy said, noticing how immaculate the space was.

"Welcome home," Karma sighed.

"I guess it pays to be rich," Amy walked straight out to a wall-sized window and pressed her hands against it. From up high the city was gorgeous. In truth she'd never seen it look so good, not even from a plane. Since it was dark out it was all blackness and moving lights.

"You have no idea," Karma said, sizing Amy up from behind and moving to be closer to her. All that distance was bullshit. All of a sudden she knew what she was about.

Amy was in front of her, this beautiful woman who obviously had a heart of gold and a mind to call people out on all their bullshit. Karma's eyes followed Amy's body across the room and drank her in, wanting more. Her mouth fell open and she took in a deep breath.

"You can see everything from up here," Amy said, distracted by the view.

While Karma had thirsty eyes set on her and the thought in her mind to pounce Amy was far away somewhere else.

Karma approached her slowly from behind and surprised her. She pressed her body up to Amy's and laid her arms and hands on Amy's arms and hands just to touch her in every place and press her up against that wall.

"Not everything," Karma said, drinking in the feel of her and rubbing her hands on Amy's hands.

"Fuck…" Amy sighed, all her senses completely heightened. Her eyes closed as she felt Karma's body up against hers.

 _ **This should just be illegal**_ , Amy thought. She was trapped there against the window, her breath steaming up a small bit of the glass as Karma's entire body pushed against hers and forced her to feel as if she was dangling just above the city just one thin piece of glass keeping her safe as Karma clung onto her for dear life and wished to feel more.

"You'll have to forgive me," Karma said, clearing her throat. "All that talk about touching… Or maybe it was the drinks?" Karma teased. She slid her arms down Amy's skin until they met with the fabric of her shirt and ignored it pulling down to Amy's sides and feeling her form on both sides. She'd been wanting to do that probably since the restaurant but who could say? "It must've done something to me," she confessed.

"Karma…" Amy asked, the name barely able to escape her.

"But we can just sleep if you want," Karma whispered, her lips dangerously close to Amy's bare neck, her breath tickling her. She could tell how turned on Amy was but that was nothing compared to her own sexual thirst. "I've had years of sleeping with the same person. A man who's hardly ever been able to please me," she teased. Amy felt Karma's hands pull at her hips and force them back into her body. Amy let out a small gasp. "But you're right, I guess," Karma said, teasing her. "We can just sleep."

What a dance to be had. All day Amy thought about her and wanted her. And now she was here, in this hotel, just like it always happened in the movies.

Karma took a deep breath in. She swallowed her own cravings and backed away from Amy to give her that space she pretended to need. "I'm gonna take a bath," Karma said. Undoing the buttons on her shirt and walking off toward the large tub. "Feel free to join me… If you want," she added on. "But no pressure."

The look she sent Amy. God it was to die for and Amy felt her eyes narrow as if angry with her for being such a tease and a cheat.

Karma had walked off and gone away. But Amy was still standing at the window and she had turned and watched as Karma drifted elegantly out of sight, dropping her shirt at the door to the bathroom as she disappeared inside.

 _ **Fuck.**_ Amy thought to herself. Her nipples were hard just from the little contact she had had. She noticed them, right away, though and felt strange. Away from the window she felt herself breathing hard as if she had just sprinted a few blocks and then stopped right out of the blue. It was sad how easy it was for Karma to get her excited the way that she had. It did feel like Karma was cheating. Amy confessed things and Karma was using them.

In some way, Amy wanted to be mad at her. In another she just wanted to give in and see what it was Karma wanted to do.

Still at the window, stunned, and lost in thought, Amy twitched at the sound of the water turning on. The light from the bathroom suddenly dimmed. A match was lit, Amy's eyes followed the distant flame as it moved. When the flame shook away Amy noticed that Karma had been lighting a candle, and then another in the room where she herself had never been.

"I'll make bubbles!" Karma sang, tempting her. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Amy sighed and tried to gather her composure but it was gone, all gone.

She pushed her heels off and left them on the floor. The living room was so large. The hotel space was like an elegant apartment.

"Do you get lonely up here?" Amy asked.

"Not enough time," Karma teased. It was a lie though. Of course she got lonely.

"That view is insane!" Amy yelled.

"Isn't it great?!" Karma asked, taking her earrings off and dropping them into the empty decorative dish by the sink. "I honestly try not to come here," she said, staring at herself in the dim light.

"Why?" Amy asked without thinking.

"Bad habit, I guess," Karma said. She saw this place as her escape.

What Amy was seeing as some beautiful room, Karma was seeing as a reminder of a huge problem.

"I'm sorry," Amy said, she'd come near the door and been standing there. "I didn't think-"

"It's fine," Karma said, noticing her in the mirror and giving her an emotional smile. "Come on," she said, "help me with this." She had a necklace on that she wanted off. It'd taken some patience to get on since it was so delicate.

"I don't do things like this," Amy reminded. She'd only come close to apologize for forgetting again about Karma's shamble of a marriage.

"You're fine," Karma said, feeling as Amy's fingers fumbled at the back of her neck. She huffed out a happy sigh. "I do get lonely here," she said. "I just lied about that… I don't know why."

"I have to remind myself that you're married," Amy said.

"I won't be soon," Karma made sure to say. "We are, really, we're done…. You caught the tail-end."

Amy held the two ends of the necklace. "Here," she said, staring at Karma's sad expression in the mirror and noticing how true her statements were from before. When Amy spoke though Karma glanced up and her smile returned.

"Thanks," she said, taking Amy's hand and turning around to face her.

Amy stepped back but not too far. Karma leaned her body back on the counter.

"You okay?" Amy asked.

"Not really, no," Karma confessed, looking down again at her own hands.

"I can leave," Amy said.

"I don't want you to leave," Karma said, looking up at her and feeling small. She wasn't okay but that had everything to do with Liam. It wasn't Amy's fault, not at all.

"Okay," Amy said.

"Take a bath with me?" Karma asked. "Please?"

"Okay…" It was a new request, a very new one. Karma moved forward and began to slowly unbutton Amy's shirt with both of her hands.

The last time Amy had taken a bath with someone she'd been about 8 years old. And sure she'd swam with Shane in his pool but this was obviously different than that.

"You don't have to," Karma reminded. But as she touched Amy's shirt she knew that she wanted her too. She'd be sad if Amy refused.

"Right boss," Amy teased, looking down at Karma's hands.

"Stop," Karma asked with a warning. That was pure scandal and Amy knew. Plus, Karma had already seen that this had nothing to do with her power or her fame. "You're not really the kind of person who would just let your boss force you into sex, are you?" Karma asked honestly. She knew the answer to that. She'd seen enough of Amy to know that she wasn't the type. But she wanted Amy to say it. She needed to know that Amy wasn't actually thinking that way about herself just from one situation.

"I'm actually starting to wonder," Amy joked nervously.

Karma pulled Amy's shirt out of her pants and pushed it off of her, surveying her body.

"Wow," she said, rubbing her thumb on Amy's stomach and using a hand to tug at the hem on Amy's tight pants. "Your picture was great but this is…"

Amy pushed Karma's hands away and began to undo her pants on her own.

"Can I get in first?" She asked. The way Karma stared made her nervous.

"Sorry, yeah," Karma said, shaking her head. She took a few steps into the darkness of the large bathroom and hugged her arms in tight. She listened as Amy stripped bare and placed one foot at a time into the tub.

"Whoa, it's hot," Amy said.

"You can add cold," Karma suggested, looking on accident.

"I'll get used to it," Amy said, lowering herself inside.

"You good?"

"Yeah," Amy said.

Karma loved that when she turned around Amy had her head back on the tub and her eyes shut. She was so sweet.

"Liam would stare at me if he was here," Karma said.

"Yeah well, I'm not Liam," Amy reminded.

"I'm glad," Karma smiled as she approached the bath. She'd gotten undressed so quickly and she slipped inside across from Amy. The tub was so large, it was nearly the size of a hot tub.

"Better?" Amy asked.

"Better," Karma agreed laying back.

The jets were on and massaging their backs.

"You know I was joking about the boss thing, right?" Karma didn't like feeling that maybe Amy did think this was all some one-night thing.

"I know," Amy said, her eyes still closed as she enjoyed the warmth of the water and the company nearby.

"Can you imagine Lauren walking in and finding us like this?" Karma teased and Amy laughed.

"She's probably run right out and act weird for the better part of a year."

"I know," Karma laughed. That's exactly what Lauren would do.

"Every time she'd see a bath she'd have an emotional flashback."

"Stop," Karma laughed, and Amy felt as Karma's hand gripped around her ankle and pulled her so that she'd slip and have to open her eyes.

"Hey," Amy said, regathering herself but seeing Karma now rather close.

"Why won't you look at me?" Karma asked, feeling strange.

"I like seeing you too much," Amy said. It sounded lame but it was actually the truth.

"Come 'ere," Karma said, she wanted her closer. She wanted to be touching her again.

"Bad idea," Amy said.

"Bullshit," Karma fought her. What bad could come out of getting closer?

"If I go over there you'll kiss me," Amy said matter-of-factly.

"And what's so wrong about that?" Karma mused. Their kisses had only been good kisses.

"Nothing's wrong," Amy said. It wasn't about what was right and what was wrong. It was about enjoying being close and wanting to be close like this more than once.

"Amy…" Karma urged. She didn't like not having an answer.

"What if I let you have what you want and then tomorrow you're bored with me," Amy asked.

"That's ridiculous," Karma scoffed.

"Is it?"

"Yes," Karma confirmed, "it is." She moved in the water until she neared Amy. "Here," she said, turning her back to Amy and laying back on her, pulling Amy's arms in around her body and forcing her to hold her. "Mmmmm, that's better," Karma said. She could feel Amy's body beneath hers and she could smell Amy close since her face was next to hers and her hair down.

"Mmmm," Amy agreed, letting her eyes close as she tightened her grip on Karma, holding her close beneath the water.

"I'm not gonna get sick of you, stupid," Karma whispered lovingly.

"You might," Amy said, thinking of how Reagan slept with her and then said nothing about it after that.

Karma reached her hand back to where Amy's shoulder met her neck and held at the space right there. "I won't," she confirmed, turning around in the water to face her and be closer to her lips. "I already feel like I've known you for a long time," Karma sighed.

Amy closed her eyes again but felt as Karma pulled her body up with both of her hands and forced her to fall into a comfortable hug.

"I haven't known you long but I really like you," she whispered. She couldn't stand the thought of Amy thinking this was all some cheap racy fling. "Don't quit me okay?" Karma asked sweetly. The thought of it nearly terrified her somehow.

"Okay," Amy said, squeezing Karma tight and breathing her in.

"Being with you like this," she said. "It's the first time I've been able to relax in I don't know how long." Karma thought about saying something about Reagan. But she didn't know the girl. She didn't know anything about any of that so she kept her mouth shut.

In the bathroom with the heat surrounding them, Karma felt sleep all of a sudden and ready now to get out and rest after a VERY long day.

"Thanks for coming home with me," Karma said, feeling like she might be ready to cry.

"I wanted to," Amy said. She wanted to glue herself to Karma's side and protect her from everything bad in her life.

Karma felt like kissing her but she didn't want her to feel cheap.

"We can sleep if you want," she said.

"I'd really like that," Amy said. And she felt as Karma kissed soft kissed up her neck and lit her on fire.

"You taste good though," Karma smiled.

"I hate you," Amy teased, pushing Karma away and laying back down in the water away from her.

Karma put shampoo in her hair and rinsed it out. Amy watched her and smiled.

"You're so weird," she said.

"At least I'm the clean kind of weird," Karma teased, pulling Amy close and kissing her lips like she had wanted to for a long while.

"Mmmm," Amy hummed into Karma's mouth and Karma tasted her again, this time allowing herself to be greedy and take more. There was nothing better than Amy's smile. She liked that she affected her and that she delighted her even more. When Amy kissed her back Karma wanted to take more of her, on impulse she tried.

When Amy moaned again she felt weaker and Karma noticed and forced herself to be gentle and stop.

"Come on, sleepy head," Karma gave in to her demands. She blew out the candles so the room was nearly dark. If Amy wanted to sleep, Amy should sleep. Karma wanted to prove to her that it wasn't some passing phase, this whole liking her thing.

As she got up and found a towel she felt weak and shaky. She hadn't eaten since 1pm.

"Whoa!" Amy said, noticing and catching her as Karma nearly fell.

"Sorry," Karma said. "Guess I should eat something next time."

"Shit…" Amy said, realizing that maybe dinner really had been important for her. "Come on," she said, leading Karma out of the room.

She turned the lights off and led her to the bedroom. It wasn't the hardest place to find. It was the only door she had yet to use.

Karma crawled up on the bed and tucked her body inside. All the while she refused to let go of Amy's hand so Amy followed.

The sheets were smooth and cool and the room was chilly but it felt nice when Karma curled up to Amy like she used to with Liam. She put her head on Amy's shoulder and her arm around her waist. Amy felt as Karma's leg tucked up over her legs and she hugged her fully.

"You feel really good," Karma said with her eyes closed.

"Mmmmhmmm," Amy hummed again and let out a slow sigh. Holding Karma in her bed felt more than right, it felt amazing. It didn't matter that things were complicated or that they hadn't eaten or that tomorrow they're probably have to wake before dawn to deal with some horrible clients or some bullshit with Shane.

In less than a few minutes they both fell fast to sleep.

All that mattered was that they were together. They had that and it saved them both worry and strife.

Karma had her naked body wrapped around Amy's without qualm. And Amy held Karma's leg against herself, felt Karma's warm breath on her neck, and she felt as safe as she ever possibly could perfectly enveloped by Karma Ashcroft and her whole crazy world.

There were no more worries or fears, no more plotting for disaster or trying to stop themselves from growing close. They just were close. They just fit.

And in the morning they might feel strange but right now every bit of their night made nothing but sense.

In their sleep they both smiled and when they woke it was sudden, abrupt, and unfair.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

 **Kiss Me Hard Before You Go**

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Amy sat up at the unfamiliar sound of Karma's abrasive second alarm. She'd slept through the first one. That one was a gentle song that Karma fell in love with. It went off on her cellphone around 5am and she woke to a soft Amy laying beneath her.

Amy didn't wake at all but Karma had gotten up and began her routine. She started with her basics and then her hair. Then she checked her emails and had her espresso. And now her second, just in case, alarm was going off and she felt horrible because she really wanted Amy to sleep.

For at least 45 minutes Karma had been walking on a cloud. Amy made her feel that way. Amy made her feel happy and good about herself and worth knowing. It was a lot different than Karma's usual thoughts and she was more grateful towards her than Amy could ever truly understand.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Amy sat up and seemed perturbed. Her eyes weren't really even open yet but she was trying to be a good worker who wakes up at a normal time and lives a crazy busy life like her new best friend. If Karma could do it so could she.

"Uh-uh, no," Karma said, noticing Amy's state and rushing to stop her from this nonsense of trying to be the perfect employee. She swooped into the room, shut the alarm off quickly and pushed a hand to Amy's chest, pushing her back down onto the bed and kissing her to quiet her mind. There would only be good mornings for the likes of Amy Raudenfeld. "Not on my watch," Karma whispered sweetly with her lips still on Amy's as she tried to softly kiss her back into dreamland.

Dizzy and confused, Amy felt her eyes shut and her body fall back down. The kiss was more than welcome. "Mmmm," Karma hummed. Even in near-sleep Amy knew she wanted to be kissing her again.

"I should get up," Amy said, her eyes closed. "Mmmm," her tastebuds kicked in and she noticed the hints of coffee that came from Karma's tongue.

"Sleep baby," Karma cooed, kissing her cheek and stroking her face with her thumb.

One kiss was mighty fine but two was addicting. Karma couldn't help herself from sinking deeper and wanting to stay with her and kiss her forever today. It'd be a lot more fun than dealing with her drama.

"Fuck, why do you have to taste so good?" Karma asked, almost angry with Amy for making her want to be late. Karma rarely ever heard her second alarm. The thing was obnoxious for a reason. She must've forgot it because Amy was beneath her and distracting her with her perfect existence when she first woke up. Typical Amy being cute and irresistable. Karma reminded herself to scold Amy for that much later when the girl was more alive.

"Why do you have to get up so early?" Amy mumbled, she was nearly incoherent. No one should get up before dawn but Karma usually did.

"I dunno, but I'm starting to think I should stay home with you." Not enough hours in the day. That expression had taken on new meaning ever since the boys first began to slack at their own firm and pawn all the work off onto her.

"Mmm, yes please," Amy said, reaching her arms up and actually catching Karma and pulling her down ontop of her to kiss her again. Amy was waking up now. The kissing was too nice. Every kiss woke her up a little more. It did more than that though. Amy wanted Karma. It was morning. Another day.

It couldn't hurt now to kiss her deep and touch her skin and try and feel all the things Karma wanted her to feel last night. Amy was scared last night but she wasn't scared today. She had all day again. A morning that would eventually lead into a night. Nothing in the morning could be an accident, right?

Karma got it, upon waking Amy was hungry for her. Horny even, she guessed that was the correct word.

 _ **Now though?**_ Karma thought and felt frustrated and almost sad. Last night they had all that time. What did they have now? Two minutes? Three tops?

Not an option.

"Amy!" Karma laughed, forcing herself to break away. Fuck, she was sexy though. The girl had even forgotten all about the fact that she was naked under there. "You can't come with me anyway," Karma knew that denying her would be the only way. "I'm meeting Liam. He emailed last night."

"What?" Amy asked, hazily. She didn't like that guy now.

"We have to talk about the divorce," Karma said, pulling her shoes on and wishing it could all just happen through magic. "And the firm." Karma was sure he had talked to Shane and come to his senses. For a tiny bit Liam had run from things. But he'd address them now because it made more sense, she had to force herself to be calm and mature and try to take it all with a grain of salt even though it was ALL his fault and not hers.

"Can I come with you?" Amy asked, she opened her eyes to look up at Karma and pout. It was sad thinking of Karma dealing with all that crap all on her own.

"You can but I don't want you to," Karma said. Amy didn't need to get mixed up in all that. "Liam puts me in a shit mood. Last time we were altogether I snapped at you, remember?" Karma hated herself for that. It was the only thing with Amy that she actually wished she could take back.

"Still…" Amy said. She hated the thought of things being so complicated.

"How about you stay here and sleep and I'll come get you in two hours for breakfast?" Karma stared down at Amy and adored the site of her sleepyhead in her bed.

"Breakfast?" Amy asked, cheering up.

"It'll give me something to look forward to," Karma confessed.

"How about you just stay here and don't go?" Amy suggested. She laced her fingers with Karma's and wished that they could just runaway or something, skip town and forget about all this messy crap. Karma's palm against her own made her weak. She felt a burning deep down, and a want to kiss her again and taste her, to do things she hadn't thought of before.

"You know I want to," Karma said, noticing Amy's thirst. She held Amy's hand in hers and brushed Amy's hair from her face, looking down at her in near wonderment. "I'm gonna like thinking about you up here like this," Karma sighed. She let her thumb slide lightly across Amy's lips and Amy kissed it. "You're even sexier when you're grumpy," Karma smiled.

"Whatever," Amy sighed. She was sure now that she couldn't sleep. Why was Karma up at the crack of dawn to see Liam? Why was she leaving? And why didn't Amy just let herself have sex with her last night? It was all she could think.

One thing was true, Amy was grumpy.

But one thing snapped her out of it and right quick.

"Just sleep," Karma said, kissing her forehead. "I love you." She had to go, there was no more time to spend on meet you laters and maybe one days and how abouts.

Amy felt her body stiffen and then relax as Karma left.

By the time she had come to the real truth of what had been said Karma had gotten up, shut the light back off and left the room.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

Amy sat up, alone in Karma's space.

 _ **She loves me?** _ Amy thought, confused by it all. _**How could she love me?**_

She fell back into Karma's bed and let the dark sleep steal her away.

Whatever that was, she'd have to deal with it later. She couldn't be thinking of all manner of strangeness at fuck-my-life in the am. There was something disgustingly wrong about that. Being unconscious made a lot more fucking sense.

Karma left the room and rode the metal box down. Resting on the railing she closed her eyes and remembered the night before and Amy next to her. She felt happy for the first time in a long time. She felt ready to end things with the main who had broken her heart.

Amy was asleep by the time Karma hit that main floor and got out of the elevator with a bit of confidence in her step.

It was all fine and good. There was just stuff to work out.

She drove to meet Liam and Shane and left her girl back at home sound asleep and naked in her bed.

It was their secret, for now. And Karma reeeeally liked that.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

 _ **Misery Morning**_

They met at their favorite breakfast spot near the airport. Liam landed and Shane met him at the airport. The two of them drove to meet Karma who got there first and devoured a meal as quick as she humanly could since she was ravenous from her night before that involved zero percent food but 100 percent mmm.

Right after eating Karma moved to text Amy but stopped herself more than once.

 _ **Let her sleep**_ , she scolded herself.

"Karma!" Shane said, catching her on probably her 5th attempt to quell the urge to bug Amy. Shane swooped into her space and greeted her lovingly as he usually did. Karma stood and gave him a hug.

"Hey," she said, squeezing him harder than usual and feeling as he did the same. Shane knew how hard this had all been for the lot of them.

"Karma," Liam said, feeling sheepish and idiotic. He wanted to apologize but how could he? He knew he'd fucked up too bad. Either he was away from her for months at a time or he was around her and acting like an unattached dick. Needlesstosay, he was definitely over himself.

Karma let him hug her but she didn't feel too great after their most recent verbal brawl. His body was familiar to her and she still somehow craved him but her heart had been broken completely, shattered, and stomped on. It was obvious now that he had realized the extent to his torture. No other knowledge could get him to flee the country. This was all a big change. Usually he just went to Vegas or Hawaii. England though? That one was fucking new.

"Okay," Shane said. "We all know this sucks so lets just do this."

They sat down and prepared to discuss.

Karma secretly wished that Lauren had come too. Lauren wasn't the best with sugarcoating things for people but Karma was sure that Lauren had her back in a crises. It was part of the reason she missed her at times just like these.

"Lauren and I did the honors of drawing up the paper-work," Shane said. "Liam wanted to make sure that you got at least 80% in all this."

"What?!" Karma asked, shocked.

Liam was looking off into space. He had his shades on and he was trying not to be too obvious about how sad he was. His biggest regret was not ending things a long time ago and sparing Karma years of feeling like she wasn't enough. It wasn't her fault. But it was hard for him to take blame or even confess his huge failings since they just felt SO undeniably huge when compared to hers.

"Liam…" Karma said. He needed to explain himself.

"I fucked up Karma. None of this was your fault," he said.

It was interesting to hear after all this time, and so simple like that like maybe he'd just realized or who knows been told what to say? Sadly, Liam's confession didn't make Karma feel better. But she knew at this point that there was no much he could do to go back. He couldn't press rewind and undo his own confusion or his own mess. Just like she couldn't press rewind and give herself a wake-up slap somewhere back in college to stop herself for living entirely for someone else.

What was this bullshit now? Why was Liam trying to give her all of his money? What was the point? He knew she didn't need it...

"I already have more money than I need," Karma said.

"Donate it then. Start your own charity, set up a commune, buy your parents a farm. Fund a pro-bono firm that only helps the hopeless and loses every time. Your parents would love that," He was seriously though, his tone wasn't sarcastic in the least. He actually wanted her to just take it and have a better life and fix as much as she could that he'd fucked up because holy fuck did he feel bad.

"Liam, come on," Karma said, feeling bad that he would even suggest this. "It's too much. I don't- I- I don't need it," she pushed. The last thing she wanted to accept was more pity money. She'd had enough of rich people trying to make up for things by paying for them. It's no wonder a person like Amy was so fucking refreshing. For a while, in the beginning of things, when Liam first started cheating and Karma had no clue about it at all, Liam had showered her with elaborate gifts to over compensate for his own guilt. She was ecstatic at first. It was a dream back then. She was getting all the things she thought she wanted.

But then the bomb hit one horrible afternoon and Karma found out about Liam's first secretary fling.

To Karma it was worse though because a fling implies a one-time thing and Liam was fucking her for the better part of two years on-and-off. As soon as she saw, it all began to add up. Liam was already moody then and distant, acting strange.

She was a fool.

An idiot.

He'd stay late and "work."

Karma just thought he needed more alone time than her to figure things out. She'd been at his side through school and mentored him, because she received better marks, so that actually made sense.

But then she walked in on them once. That pretty younger girl with her skirt up on his desk and him standing between her legs with his pants down around his knees and that look on his face that just meant he was caught.

She was such an idiot. Such a fool.

That was the first.

That hit the hardest.

The first tear in the fabric. The first nail to the glass.

After that she tried to forgive him but he was bad at being patient and moving on from his own messed-up deeds. He blamed her for finding out. And he hated himself but he hated her knowing more. At least, that's what it seemed like to her now that she'd had time to see it all in retrospect and try to make peace.

"I need you take it," Liam said. "I know it's stupid. I know it doesn't make sense. It's not some pity money I just don't want it and I hate having it and I'd rather give it to you than some random asshole on the street."

"But, what does this all mean?" Karma asked. Karma was three steps ahead of him, she always was. He wouldn't do this unless he was planning something big.

Shane took a deep breath in and tried to prepare her for this.

"What?!" Karma asked. She was pissed that they weren't telling her things. She was always the last to know. She did all the work was always the last to fucking know where they were headed with things and what they were doing.

"Liam wants to quit law," Shane said.

There was no easy way to put it.

"Are you _**FUCKING**_ kidding me?!" Karma nearly screamed.

A few heads turned around them but luckily it was loud enough anyway in the restaurant so a swear word being uttered in a somewhat LIVID tone was still sort of buried amongst the clinking glasses and the laughter and the loud talk.

"He doesn't like it," Shane said. "He's never liked it." His parents wanted it. He never did.

"Oh, what? And I have?!" Karma was so pissed she could just start throwing shit.

"Karma-" Liam tried to check her. But he stopped himself and bit his lip instead. He had no right.

"No way." She said. "You do not get to quit and leave me here. You and me can be done. We can get a divorce. But you cannot leave me with your fucking firm Liam Booker. You made me this. This is your shit, not mine."

"I did nothing," Liam lied. "I never told you to be a lawyer."

" _ **LIAR!**_ " Karma yelled, slamming her fist down on the counter and feeling a wave of rage that honestly scared her once it had passed over her like a violent cloud.

"Karma," Shane warned in his sing-song voice.

Karma suddenly understood why they were meeting in public rather than just meeting at the mansion or at home. Liam wanted for her to NOT be able to make a scene. Liam wanted to just drop some bomb and drive off.

"If you leave I'm folding the firm," Karma said simply. She was done arguing with children and playing their game when she could easily just be the adult in the room. It was done. If he was going to act like a kid and throw another unnecessary fucking wrench into her well-oiled life she wouldn't have it this time. No fucking way. This was his name. This was her name. This was Shane's name. They were all in it or it was done. She'd decided it for them all. No more Karma does everything. A partnership would have to be a partnership or it just wouldn't be.

"What?" Shane asked.

"I'm sick of doing all the work. I'm sick of it," Karma had more than decided. All she could think about was what Lauren would suggest to her in private if the two of them were alone. This would be it. Lauren would not be used like this and Karma was done with it. She wasn't going to carry all the balls and make all the goals for a team that rarely showed effort. If they wanted to win they'd all have to play again. She had nothing to lose. She was getting Liams money, he'd be sure of that still, and she had _**NOTHING**_ to lose.

"If you announce that you're leaving, I'm done," she said. "I'm leaving too."

"You guys, come on," Shane said nervously. "You can't both leave."

"I did this for him," Karma spat, speaking to Shane but pointing to Liam. "And he did ask me. He begged. We were just dating in college and he begged me because it was hard and he hated it and I suggested that maybe I could and he wanted me to do it so he begged."

Liam tried not to react. He had begged. But he had also forgot until reminded.

"Karma…" He said. "Fuck!" He growled. "What do you want me to say?! I'm a fucking idiot okay?!" He was so frustrated. "Do you think I feel happy about fucking up your life and wasting your time? I wanted to make you happy. I wanted you to love me."

"You did," she said. "And I did," she pushed. To her it wasn't a waste of time. She loved him. She did what she thought was right. What hurt her the most was that she knew she'd do it over again, she was too stupid to not be in love with him.

Her love couldn't save him from feeling worthless. It just couldn't. He had to do that himself and he was bad at it. He ignored it. He pushed it onto other people and blamed them. He was realizing it AGAIN. That's what it was about. That's what all of it was about.

"We just…"

"We don't work, I know," she said, tears tumbling out of her eyes.

This conversation was so overdue.

Karma wanted to be partners still.

She didn't want to be in love with him but she wanted to be partners. Maybe in a year or two she'd want something else but right now they were doing so good for each other success-wise, they were setting themselves off for good lives no matter what they'd ruined in one another on accident.

"We built this together, Liam," she tried to stop weeping. It was embarrassing and annoying and she hated it. "It's a good firm."

"We can lease it out? Keep the name, become distant advisors?" He was still trying to bargain on something she wouldn't move on now that she was set. His biggest mistake with Karma was the lies. He'd stopped being her friend. All she ever wanted was for him to always be her friend. That was it.

It took him a while to get there, but Liam finally realized that now.

"What about Shane?" Karma laughed without meaning to and Liam did too. Liam took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. He'd been crying too. How could he forget how simple it used to be?

Shane was like their kid somehow. It was a joke. A good one. Karma was funny. Liam missed how funny she was.

"I'll do whatever you want to do," Liam said, at a complete loss with himself.

"Then stay," she urged. "At least for a little while…" She wasn't ready to say goodbye to the firm. It'd be wrong to end it like this. If they left each other like this they'd never get to a place where they could be comfortable around each other again. She didn't want to be strangers after all they'd been through. "You're a good lawyer when you wanna be," she joked.

"Not as good as you," he reminded.

He even blushed. It'd been ages since he'd smiled at her and said something kind.

 _ **FUCK.**_ She heard herself scream in her head.

"K, well. I gotta get outta here," Karma said, standing quickly and making herself scarce. She'd connected with Liam again and for once that did not involve anger.

She rushed out to her car, placed herself inside and cried terribly hard.

How strange that it actually took Liam being nice again to fucking break her?


	20. Chapter 20

_*short chapter*_

 _*for the record: i have not EVER been an actual writer for the actual show Faking It. Now. With that being said. I would neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr write this backstory and then have Karma hook back up with Liam. that ship. has sailed. The show would do it. i would not. big difference.*_

 _*the last chapter was all about karma seeing something in liam, perhaps that he had finally forgiven himself for what he did to her or at the very least he accepted the fact that he fucked up their marriage and her life. when you go through years trying to find love in a relationship that has lost love any sign of love is intense and tragic (a reminder of what you used to be or thought you could be, a reminder of why or where it all started). karma wants to be able to be friends with liam. that's all that was. she doesn't want him to be able to just leave and never see her again. he's meant too much to her for too long to be able to just exit her life like that. and in a way karma knows that liam doesn't really want to live with this scar. they're at a place of forgiveness and reconciliation. it's a huge deal. plus they're both at the point where they see how harmful their jobs have been to their own mental health. it's hard to feel good about what you do when you're not really helping the people who deserve to be helped. they have a wealth of money but barely any satisfaction with work. so it's this whole situation they'll either rectify or agree to part from.*_

 _*also, shane is mostly neutral in this world. liam and him are obviously best friends but in this world after having spent YEARS working close with karma he really cares about her and loves her as a friend so i don't see him being "on liam's side" or anything like that. he's worried about her he just doesn't want to actually work so those two things contradict a little but it's just how he is (aka pretty selfish). if karma insisted on taking a week off too shane would agree that she needs to take time off and they'd work it out, that sort of thing. at this point their firm is running so smoothly they could delay cases for an entire year and hardly see a repercussion they'd be affected by. they are richer than rich and so famous they could drop out of law for 50 years and still have an easy time coming back and making news and money. karma works a lot but she does it because it's easier to her than saying no. and stop. and why. it's easier for her to work than to think about her life. she's buried herself in it because of how sad she is. and we've reached a point where amy is waking her up from all that and reminding her that she needs to live for herself and stop being everyone's slave.*_

 **Chapter 20**

 _ **Hold Me, Please**_

Amy's morning was stress free when she finally came to.

It didn't seem so odd to her anymore, the whole "i love you," incident. In fact, it only seemed sweet. Amy just tried not to put stock into it. She didn't want to get her hopes up if they were just going to have to fall back down.

It was weird though… She loved her too.

Lauren called her at around 7:20. She asked her where she was and if she came home. Amy lied and said she was getting donuts. She said she went to see some movie at the drive-in, she knew Lauren would rather die than see this movie, and then she stayed to watch the piece of crap that played right after it.

It was rather easy to lie to Lauren and feel no guilt. Amy's life was usually pretty boring. Why Lauren would assume any different was beyond her.

But Lauren was still skeptical, she knew that something had happened with Karma and that Amy was thinking things that she wasn't quite sharing and that worried her but it came out as skepticism laced in anger.

Shane texted Lauren RIGHT after breakfast and they both met up so that Shane could completely gossip about how odd the whole breakfast thing was and about how badass Karma was when she gave Liam that ultimatum.

Lauren was texting Amy all about the new developments while Amy impatiently waited for Karma at home and felt worried for her with every new detail. She was on the couch in Karma's apartment trying not to breath as loud and hard as she was breathing. Thinking about Karma being stressed out was actually stressing her out.

The view up there in the day was lovely but it wasn't the same as it had been in the night with Karma pressed against her. When she had first woken up Amy found some comfy clothes that Karma probably only wore to relax in or go to the gym. A pair of almost tight-fitting black sweatpants and a crop top that showed her midriff and looked almost like a cartoon shirt, she was too impatient to rummage and she didn't want to be rude. She pulled the items out quickly and threw them on just to be decent.

When Karma finally came home she wasn't in the good mood she had left with.

"Karma?" Amy had gotten up to greet her and Karma had smiled at the sight but then her face dropped because she was too sad to feel happy. No matter how happy she was about Amy she still had to deal with this whole death of her other self thing she had going on. "Shit, what happened?" Amy asked, taking a step forward and catching Karma in her arms and hugging her tight.

Karma had spent so long in the parking lot of that diner trying to stop herself from being said. Then she had to speed off so that Shane and Liam wouldn't see her and know what she'd done. Then she had to park somewhere and try and control herself again when the tears were flooding her eyes and preventing her from being safe on the road. Then finally she made it home but she felt ridiculous for all the crying and then that made her cry too.

Needlesstosay she spent a lot of time in the hotel parking lot trying to make it look like she hadn't just been crying her life away. Eventually she got up the balls to go back to the front of the hotel and let the valet take her car away.

The elevator was difficult. She pressed the button several times and tried to hold herself together so that when she saw Amy she could pretend it was all just fine.

The second she saw her though. Instant pride, joy, and then sadness quickly came.

She fell into Amy's arms and began to wail.

"It's okay," Amy said, holding her. "It's okay."

Amy held her a while, holding her face and kissing her hair. Eventually she thought Karma must be tired so she led her back to her room and got her to lay down and she held her while she cried a little lighter and stayed quiet about all that had gone on.

It all made Amy nervous but she was happy that she could be there for her.

Lauren was texting her nonstop, giving her all the missing details, but Amy was too wrapped up in Karma to even think about checking her phone.

Amy held her and laid up on her pillows feeling sorry for the life Karma was leading and sorry that she hadn't somehow found her sooner. She kissed her forehead and made sweet noises because she loved the feel of her skin on her lips and her body in her arms. She loved that she could be there for her and hold her and become part of her life and so quickly, so soon.

At one point, Karma felt so completely held that she drifted off to sleep.

Once Amy noticed she let out a small laugh and knew that she really did love her.


	21. Chapter 21

_*This story is pretty fun to write. I like this world for them. It's an AU, yes, but, this is technically a future world for both Liam and Karma. Lauren and Amy and Shane haven't really grown differently at all from the show but Liam and Karma have. It's like I get to jump ahead with them. They've gotten all their emotions and drama out onto each other and ruined each other in very different ways. The thing about a love and relationship like that though? It makes an impact. Liam will never be nothing to Karma. Karma will never be nothing to Liam. A relationship like that will affect your entire life. It changes the way you see other people and the way you see yourself. If Karma let Liam leave her life right now he would never come back because of his shame and guilt, because it would be easier to just never revisit his past. Karma would know that. Karma knows Liam better than she knows herself. That's why that chapter was so odd for a lot of people to read I think. You all see that Liam has hurt Karma greatly. But Karma's biggest problem and her biggest fears all involve being left and being not good enough. If she never saw Liam again she would think it had more to do with her not being good enough and less to do with Liam actually being sick with himself (which at this point in the story, he definitely is). They've come to a point where they understand each other again finally and that's a huge deal. A lot of couples never get there. They just part without closure and it fucks them up more later-on.*_

 **Chapter 21**

 _ **Personal Day**_

When Karma woke up again she felt herself in Amy's arms.

 _ **What time is it?**_

She was still in her clothes from before. She had her casual " _ **might**_ "-type clothing on; tight, nearly dressy, dark-blue jeans and a lightweight black button-up shirt that was mostly unbuttoned by nature. She always dressed like this when she " _ **might**_ " get pulled to deal with some unforeseeable problem or " _ **might**_ " run into someone she should always look nice for (like a rich client or back in the old days even Liam).

Now, waking up in her " _ **mights?!**_ " That wasn't something Karma usually did.

On top of her bed, on a weekday of all days, when she noticed and moved, she felt the indents in her wrist from her bracelets and her watch and felt brief little pinches of stress at the corners of her brain.

Dazed, coming out of it, she moved to sit-up a bit and look over at her clock.

" _ **Shit…**_ " Karma said, falling back down on her bed and realizing what she had done.

Amy stirred and noticed Karma beside her holding her head. Amy had faintly heard the unexpected expletive one second before.

"What is it?" Amy asked, feeling lazy but happy to be where she was.

"I was supposed to meet Shane with a client at 12." Karma never skipped-out on prior work arrangements. She only did that if she absolutely _**had**_ to. Professionalism was important to her when strangers were involved. But she was distraught and confused now and professionalism was growing extra impossible for her of late. Her big break with Liam _**in front of Amy**_ was a huge fuck up in her mind, a warning sign of how unstable she was or maybe even how little fucks she was starting to give about professionalism and treating others with kindness first and harshness later. Things like this were fears of hers. She always felt more unwound than her parents. She always felt unhinged and like she wasn't even a product of her family but more a fluke, an accident, an unwanted and angry little thing.

Thinking of all this sorta lit her on fire. She couldn't go on like this. Things were only getting worse. Something had to give.

 _ **Personal day…**_ Karma thought with a heavy sigh.

The term had never really been a thing for her before but everyone else was constantly using it to explain their own unexplained absences. Most important in her mind, Lauren and Shane both used the term A LOT and that made her feel rather justified giving everything. From what Karma could gather, a personal day could range from EXTREMELY NECESSARY to NOT NECESSARY _**AT ALL**_.

One time Lauren took a personal day. Karma thought nothing of it really until two days later when she found out why. Lauren was mad at Theo and therefore set on ditching him out of spite on a particular case. Shane gave Lauren away, basically ratted her out to Karma after he took a _**"personal day"**_ himself and got outted at the table by someone else. When Karma found out, there with them, she didn't know what to say. Lauren had only been working there a few months at the time. But Karma didn't have any time to think on it and of course, Shane had picked the perfect time to tell her, they really had no time to discuss it and they were in a rush to make a breakthrough for a deadline. It just fell into the cracks at the time, that info, and Lauren became used to these things being normal. Just as Karma did. But they weren't really normal for her. Karma had never taken a _**personal day.**_

After a while, the term " _ **personal day**_ ," among the partners at least, had become code for: _**I CAN'T TAKE THIS RIGHT NOW**_.

Everyone else used it. And everyone else seemed to have a shorter list of things they could take.

Karma pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked her texts.

If anything warranted a _**personal day**_ for her, her life right now, this was it.

Sure enough Shane had text her after meeting with Lauren. At first he was just waiting for Karma, expecting her, but when she didn't show he just sent.

 _ **Are you okay?**_

It was something he rarely asked her. But in truth he was one of the only people from her day-to-day life who ever did ask. Liam didn't. Lauren didn't. Most of the other employees were too intimidated by her to get too personal. Karma was in and out and all business and to-do's.

"What're you gonna do?" Amy asked, waiting…

"I'm gonna stay," Karma said, deciding it and letting out a sigh. She rolled over to face Amy. She was resigned to it. Happy about it, though, she didn't seem it because there was too much weighing on her mind.

Amy stared over at Karma and felt almost lost. She didn't want to be influencing Karma. She didn't want to be cause for a problem in Karma's life.

"We can still go, really," Amy tried, reading things wrong. She moved to get ready for her.

"No, sweetie," Karma reached for Amy's hand and pulled her back down to sit on the bed. "I need to stop this," she said, explaining.

"Stop what?" Amy asked, worried.

"I need to stop being this crazy person who jumps whenever someone asks me to," she rolled her eyes at herself and actually realized how exhausted she was with the way she'd allowed herself to just get-by for so long. The meeting with Liam had been a wake-up call. The crying. The ultimatum. It was all a wake-up call. "There's too much work for me to do. There will always be _**too much**_ work at that firm." And she had been trying… To do it all.

"Oh," Amy said, bobbing her head. She didn't really understand but she was going to. "What should we do then?" Amy asked sweetly. She could help with work. She was ready to help.

"Breakfast?" Karma asked, surprising Amy greatly and causing her to smile and roll her eyes too. Karma smiled up at Amy and pulled her down by her shirt to be kissing her again.

Amy's eyes drifted shut as Karma parted her lips and pulled her down, forcing her to relax again.

Suddenly breakfast seemed second place to Karma's kisses. Amy felt herself sinking into her like she'd done earlier and the night before. Kissing Karma just felt so wonderful. There were no thoughts, only happiness, when she was kissing her. And whenever Karma reached for her Amy heart just lept in her chest as if reaching for her. Amy wanted these things so much she just hated to ask and feel vulnerable. Just as she hated to feel wrong and misstep.

Karma was so conflicted and Amy could see it all over her in the way she walked and the way she rested. When Karma woke she wasn't excited for the day. She felt stress, then sadness, then perhaps a sense of resignation and calm. Amy saw all of that. And it worried her.

She was happy to be with Karma. But Karma's life was… Well… It was a mess…

"What're we even doing?" Amy asked. She was so frustrated with herself. She already cared so fucking much about this girl. Why couldn't she have normal relationships that took time and made sense?

"What do you mean?" Karma smiled, and teased her.

"You know," Amy laughed awkwardly. "I mean, this, us… What…" She felt like a kid for having to ask. She felt irrational too and ran a hand through her hair before relaxing and smiling at her own awkward seriousness.

"I like you dummy," Karma said, clearing up any misconception Amy might have. She got up behind Amy who was now sitting on the edge of the bed with her feet firmly planted on the floor. Amy had had a moment of crisis for absolutely no reason. Karma saw it and moved to comfort her instantly. She wrapped Amy up in her arms and rocked her from behind with a smile on her lips and her chin above Amy's shoulder. "It's not confusing," she pushed, lowering her lips to Amy's shoulder and kissing it, squeezing her arms around Amy's shoulders and collarbone and wishing she could take off with her for a month or maybe three. A paradise vacation would feel amazing just about now. It'd been a long time since Karma had had a lover.

Amy was beginning to notice something common. Karma had made a habit of doing this, of using her whole body to trap her and keep her. Her legs lined Amy's and if Amy tried to stand up Karma was sure she would just wrap her legs around her and refuse to let go, force Amy into carrying her as a punishment for trying to leave.

"I hope," Karma added on. She didn't want Amy to be confused about how affectionate she felt towards her. If Amy needed reminding Karma _**would**_ remind her that she cared for her a whole lot. It was so right, in her mind. Amy had come at the perfect time. Amy was helping her get her mind off of everything horrible.

Amy thought about that random _**"i love you,"**_ from before. She could say something. She could bring it up…

"What are you thinking in there," Karma nearly whispered. She was worried for her. In a lot of ways Amy seemed to be so inside herself at times. Karma let her arms go and moved them instead to hold at Amy's sides loosely. She wanted to see Amy's face and make sense of her mysteries.

"Nothing," Amy shrugged. She smiled and shook her doubts off. "We should feed you," Amy decided, turning to see her.

"I'm really into this whole you taking care of me thing," Karma smiled lovingly.

"I know," Amy teased. She stood up and remembered herself. It'd been hours since she'd talked to Lauren and gave her that donut lie. She was still in Karma's clothes and definitely not ready to go out. "Iiii, can't go out like this," Amy laughed.

"Well, you could," Karma teased, shutting one of her eyes and making a face.

When Amy said nothing Karma laughed and pulled her toward her closet, turning the light on and walking them both inside.

The closet was a walk-in but it wasn't huge. And Karma only had a limited supply of clothing inside since it was what she allowed the hotel to hold for her for whenever she booked her room. All this stuff was just back-up and extra. Little men would come in and place everything just right. Karma was there so often that the hotel hadn't even cleared her room out since the last time. They had left her clothes in the closet and left her favorites in the fridge and cupboards. Her chocolate, her coffee, her yogurt, her fruit. Karma Ashcroft was the most high-profile guest they'd ever had.

In her closet, Karma found a somewhat normal shirt and turned to Amy, pulling Amy's shirt up and off.

"Fuck," Karma said. Amy hadn't put her bra back on. "Ha!" Karma laughed nervously. "Wasn't expecting that," her face was red with embarrassment and attraction. She turned Amy around quickly and tapped her arms. "Up-up," she urged. "It's okay, you don't need a bra." The shirt would work fine enough, plus Amy's breasts were adorable and healthy. Karma envied them. She didn't like her own.

"I, can't go out like this," Amy said, hugging her breasts into her arms.

"You look great," Karma confirmed. She found Amy some jeans and they fit fine enough if not a tad short. Karma's clothes were all tailored specifically for her. If she had the mind earlier she would've sent a clothes for Amy as soon as she left the hotel.

No more sulking around and crying. Karma was ready to take her hot date out on the town. She'd had enough of Amy looking hot all alone. She wanted to pamper her and treat her right.

As a final touch, Karma dug a small delicate heart necklace out of her jewelry chest and moved to turn Amy around.

"Here," she said, fastening the light chain around Amy's neck and being careful to avoid her hair. The chain was so light that Karma rarely wore the necklace. It had been a gift from her mother a long time ago. In truth she hadn't worn it for a very long time. It had too much sentimental value and Karma was always frightened she might break the chain. If that ever happened she would cry so hard.

She turned Amy around to see the small pendant as it rest on her skin.

"Good?" Amy asked.

"Yeah," Karma said, trying not to get teary. That necklace always made her think of home. She really missed home…


	22. Chapter 22

_*lovin' these lil love-bugs*_

 _*victress: "We see a lot of that in the show, people walking the fine line between friendship and love." you are very very right and that's the key to why these characters are so lovely to write. they all love each other in their ways, they're all a little obsessed with each other. that makes for great chemistry.*_

 _*this chapter is a little meh but whatever, I keep trying to move this story along but life stops me*_

 _*forgive me upfront to knowing nothing about the current seasons of the tv show mentioned half the way down*_

 _*also, I know this fic has had a lot of typos and mistakes but I seriously have no time so it's not a mess without reason*_

 **Chapter 22**

 **A Happiness Space**

Once dressing was done they walked with a certain ease, traveling from here to there without much care of where they were going. There was this whole familiar feeling. They were comfortable with each other, so comfortable. And it was almost like sweet surrender. They weren't locked in or anything like that but they were each somewhat obsessed with the idea that they might actually belong to one another now. If you've ever noticed the way a person lives alone with a cat who loves them? If you've ever had the privilege to witness small bits and pieces of a relationship like that, you'll know what I mean with that in mind. Every action made creates a reaction.

A loyal cat will wait all day and feign patience once their loved one is around, moving slow to say hello, and pretending to not be as affected as they actually are. Distracted, an owner will show much love to a cat without even noticing, or pretending to notice, and vice versa. Both parties care an awful deal for one another but an outsider might not see it if they're not used to a relationship such as that.

Karma and Amy were just like this, somehow used to each other and craving affection constantly while trying to mask that craving or perhaps make it come-off as less-than what it was. For the amount of affection Karma showed to Amy, she was really holding back. And Amy, to Karma, appeared to be pleased by Karma but she rarely moved to do much other than answer Karma's affection with her own. Up until now, she would hold Karma's hand when Karma took it in her own. She would hold Karma when Karma made a move to suggest that maybe she wished to be held. Aside from that first kiss out in the car, Amy was shy to move first and always doubting Karma's seriousness with regards to her and doubting what was right. Karma, by now, was awake to these things. She'd become addicted to studying Amy's behavior. It fascinated her. She was enamored, to say the very least.

In the car by her side, with Karma's hand in her own, Amy felt pensive and, she seemed languid. She had Karma's world on her mind. The thoughts about Liam and how he treated her. One meeting with him could completely shatter her. She didn't like how true it all was.

"Did you sleep okay?" Karma asked. She had woken her up and then left.

"I did, yeah," Amy answered, clearing her throat. There was a pause and Amy felt she should fill it. "Lauren kept texting me," she said. "She was worried."

Lauren was also obsessed with finding out what was going on with Amy. But that was beside the point. And then there were all the gossipy texts about Karma's meeting with Liam and all that. Amy still hadn't caught up with all that.

"I'd worry too," Karma smiled, looking over at her. She'd hate not knowing where Amy was if she were to leave right now.

They'd been driving a little while, not too long. It made Amy nervous though. It was hard for her to go along with unfamiliar change when she gave that change hope and weight. Usually she didn't feel so attached to things and changes and people. But this, with Karma, it was different. It was intense, right away, real and important right away.

"She said you really stuck it to Liam," Amy laughed lightly, for lack of a better thing to say. She was playing with the fingers on Karma's right hand and noticing Karma's immaculate manicure. It was frustrating, almost, how good Karma was at seeming perfect. And then there was the pleasure she felt in that, the pleasure in Karma's touch and her gentility. Something about the way Karma treated her and talked to her… It was just so very different from every other relationship she had ever had. She thought back on waking up the first time and how delicious that felt be given a kiss upon waking.

"Ha," Karma laughed. "I don't know about all that." Karma was lost in Amy's touch and in loving her. The way Amy held her hand felt so intimate and sweet.

It wasn't Karma's intention, sticking it to Liam. Her intention was to stop her cycle and find a happiness space. Amy was that. A happiness space…

"Was it hard?" Amy asked, remembering the way Karma was when she came home and feeling a pang.

"A little," Karma sighed. "But let's not think about that," she smiled and squeezed Amy's hand. "We've got each other and we've got all day." Granted the day was somewhat gone. Amy was more interested in Karma than food. And then there was that whole nagging feeling that Lauren might be looking for her.

"Okay then," Amy tried. "What should we talk about?"

"What do you like?" Karma asked.

"What do you mean," Amy chuckled. "You know… Movies, music… That kinda stuff?"

"Hmm.. I like documentaries," Amy said. It was boring, she knew.

"Really?" Karma asked, side-eying her with intrigue.

"Yup," Amy sighed. "What about you?"

"Me?" Karma laughed. She took her hand away from Amy to support the wheel through a turn and Amy wiped her hand on her jeans just in case Karma was going to grab it again which Karma did. "Well, I don't really have time," she began, "but when I do have time I watch all kinds of things."

"No, you can't do that," Amy teased. "You have to give me something."

"Okay," Karma smiled and breathed in. "The only show I like _**force**_ myself to make time for? This is kind of embarrassing…" She realized.

"I just said I liked motion-textbooks. I doubt anything you say can beat that in embarrassing," Amy tried.

"Okay… Don't laugh though."

"Okay," Amy said.

"American Idol."

"Wow," Amy said, trying not to portray her surprise. Of all the shows out there she never imagined it'd be that one.

"I dunno what it is," Karma said, shaking her head. "I just get so happy when someone makes it, ya know? Like they are all so good and they work so hard and they all have these crazy different lives and-"

"It's uplifting," Amy realized.

"Yeah," Karma said, brushing her hair from her face and holding the wheel again with two hands. Breaking out of her shell in a more normal way wasn't something she'd done in a while. The only people who knew about American Idol were her parents and Liam. Not even Shane knew.

"I like it too," Amy said to be supportive. "Sometimes." It was nearly a lie. She hadn't watched since Taylor Hicks won over Katharine Mcphee. Looking back on it now she realized that she definitely had a crush on that girl. But back then it was just upsetting. She didn't have anything against Taylor Hicks or his music. Katharine's voice was just so much more soothing. It made her angry to see her lose when she as so close.

"Liar," Karma teased. She could tell that Amy was pretending to be more into the show than she actually was.

"Okay, I used to watch it," Amy laughed.

"Why'd you stop?" Karma asked.

"Well, Katharine Mcphee lost and I knew it was an injustice." Karma burst out laughing. Sometimes Amy spoke and Karma could never guess the words and until the lept to her ears and did things to her, good things.

"Have you always known you were gay?" Karma asked. Katharine McPhee was… Well… She was sexy.

"God no," Amy shrugged. They hadn't gotten into that can-of-worms yet and Amy was almost scared for it because she already knew that Karma had been seemingly-straight and monogamous for a very long time. That comment from Shane out by the pool the other day really proved that. He couldn't even see the possibility of Karma and Amy together, that's how straight Karma seemed.

"I have a lot of embarrassing things I could tell you," Karma confessed. "Maybe we should make a deal. Every time one of us tells the other a secret the other has to do it to."

"I really don't have a lot of secrets," Amy confessed. "My life hasn't been a ball of excitement. I've never run a corporate firm or married a millionaire or-"

"Amy…" Karma tried. "It's really not a contest. That's not why-"

"Sometimes I wonder if we could even work," Amy said, preemptively dooming them.

"What do you mean?" Karma asked, worry shadowing her mood. She never knew where these thoughts of Amy's were coming from. To Karma the thoughts were completely out of the blue.

"Up until this point our lives have been so different," Amy confessed.

"I don't see it that way," Karma said, trying to understand.

"Well, for one you've been rich for a very long time." That was the easy one to pull at. "We go to a restaurant and I feel like I'm uninvited."

"What?" Karma seemed shocked. She saw a place up ahead to pull over and she took it. "You never said anything," Karma said, looking over at her in sadness and surprise.

"What could I say?" Amy asked. "And then we went to that hotel and I wasn't sure if you were just…"

"Amy?"

"At first I thought…"

"Oh, right," Karma remembered. "It's just new, it's just all new. That's okay," Karma fought and tried to find a safe ground for them. "I mean, I didn't want you to feel like that and had I known I would've-"

"Even at the donut place I felt like maybe you wouldn't want to be there, ya know, because of what it was."

"Are you kidding?!" Karma wanted to freak out just a bit. She was smiling somehow through it and she wished she could stop herself but she liked learning more about Amy so not matter what was being said it was important knowledge she didn't have before which she treasured. "Amy…" She tried to get her to look at her but Amy wouldn't. "Look at me," she pushed, using a finger to draw Amy's chin around and stare at her teary eyes. "I didn't grow up like this, okay? And I wouldn't have done any of those things if I knew how uncomfortable you were. I'm serious. Okay?"

"Okay," Amy said, noticing the severity in Karma's stare.

"The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. You make me feel like..." Her voice trailed off. She made her feel so many things and all of them were too good.

Karma brushed her hand down Amy's cheek and leaned in just enough to give her a kiss on the forehead before lowering her lips to Amy's and kissing her tenderly, feeling exactly how vulnerable Amy all of a sudden was.

There was another thing to add to the list of complications. Karma felt like an idiot for not noticing. No wonder Amy was so awkward at the restaurant outside.

"I am so stupid," Karma said, breaking from the fabulous kiss and focusing on Amy's beautiful eyes and then again on her lips.

"You're really not," Amy said. "I'm just complicated." Karma sighed and rest her body on Amy's, hugging her inside of the car. Somehow it was like she wanted her to know she could tell her anything at any time.

"You're sensitive," Karma said, still holding her. "And now I'll be sensitive to that."

"It's really not as bad as-"

"Shhhh," Karma said, hugging her tighter. "I wanna try," she said, committing to it for the both of them. Not everything could be easy. Somethings were going to be hard. That was a given.

When Karma finally sat up she noticed Amy's soft smile and how she seemed more relaxed.

"So, tell me more about American Idol," Amy said just to break the ice.

They both laughed.

"Okay," Karma said, getting back into her seat and looking behind her to wait for a gap and pull the car back out into the street. Karma was taking Amy to a place she hadn't let herself go for a very long time. "Like what?"

"Who's your favorite judge?" Amy reached for anything familiar. She knew they always had judges.

"I guess Paula," Karma laughed. "I usually like the guest judges," she said. "You know, the musicians."

"Oh," Amy said, keeping the convo going. "Like who?"

"Umm… I really liked when Mariah Carey came on. And I loved Andrew Lloyd Webber. And Carrie Underwood, of course, she's my favorite contestant ever. She's just soooooooo talented."

"Oh yeah, I love her," Amy said. She moved to her pocket and pulled her phone out.

"What are you doing?" Karma asked, nervous that she was boring her.

"Just wait," Amy said, a smile twitching her lips. She pressed a few buttons and a few notes beat out of her phone loudly. Karma smiled and hit the wheel with her hand.

"You aren't humoring me?" She asked.

"Why the hell would I do that?" Amy joked.

Carrie Underwood started to sing and so did Karma.

"WHOA!" Amy said after Karma spat out the first few words of FLAT ON THE FLOOR. "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU COULD SING!" She yelled over Karma's words and Karma laughed.

Amy paused the song and sat beside her in awe.

"You're reeeeally good," she said, seeing Karma in a brand new light.

"I'm not that good," Karma blushed.

"No, you are reeeeally good, like, you could win that competition, good."

Karma didn't know what to say so she just tried to adjust and breeze over it. She didn't have much time for singing anymore but it used to be her only passion before Liam.

"I used to love music."

"How does someone fall out of love with music?" Amy was shocked.

"I just… I got busy I guess," Karma said, ruffling her hair and trying not to feel the pain of her wasted potential.

"Does Liam know you can sing like that?"

"Yeah," Karma scoffed. Liam knew everything about her by now. Didn't make a difference though.

"Wow," Amy said, putting her food up on Karma's dash and holding her head.

"I'm not that good, Amy."

"No, you really are that good, Karma. It's not even up for debate, like, you could have records." It was hard to wrap her head around. Not only was Karma this ball-busting lawyer but she also had a singing voice that could knock out a whole stadium. "You are insane," Amy realized. Karma was starting to seem like just one of those people who was naturally good at everything.

"I dunno about all that…" Karma said that phrase a lot. Amy was starting to notice.

"God, what did you do to you?" Amy asked, bitterness seeping in. Here this wonderful woman was, she was sexy, she could do anything, yet she felt as if she was only half good and definitely not deserving of love.

"He didn't do anything," Karma said. There was no need to think about all that.

"No… He did," Amy said, sure of it. "He must've done a lot to make you ever think you weren't as talented as you are."

Karma let out a breath and tried to smile.

"Can we not talk about him?" She asked.

Meanwhile, Amy was starting to realize she was starting to hate Liam more than she ever hated an actual person.

"Sorry," Amy said. "Your voice is just…" Amy used her hand finger to point to her eyes. Karma noticed that they were watering.

"Are you crying?" Karma nearly laughed.

"It's a really pretty voice!" Amy yelled and then laughed at herself for being such a sap. "Where are we going anyway?" Amy asked, upset again. It was weird to want to go back in time and save someone you would not have known. Amy felt that for Karma though.

"I… I hope you don't think this is super weird," Karma started. "I just… I wanted to take you home to meet my parents."

"Really?" Amy immediately lost her anger for Liam. _**Wasn't meeting parents a huge deal?**_ She thought.

"I haven't seen them in a long time," Karma confessed.

"Are you sure it's not like… Too soon?"

"Oh, they're not stuffy or anything," Karma said. "They'd love you if you were a homeless person I picked up."

"Ohhhkay…" Amy tried not to take offense to that.

"I just mean, it doesn't have to be a big deal," Karma said, taking Amy's hand in hers. "I obviously care for you and they'll see that. I didn't mean it like…"

"I get it," Amy said. Karma just said things sometimes that sounded wrong in her ears. She knew she didn't mean to but it happened.

"I don't think you do," Karma said letting out a heavy sigh. "When I say I haven't seen them in a long time I really mean it's been years."

"Whoa…"

"Yeah…" Karma sighed.

"So… Why today?" Amy asked.

"I feel safe with you," Karma said. "With Liam sometimes… He made me feel like I was alone. And with everything… With life… I just… I really need to not be alone with them."

"Oh," Amy sighed, kinda getting it but kind of not. She felt better though. It was about moral support.

"We really don't have to go if it's too weird."

"No, I want to," Amy pushed. This was obviously a big deal, something that had been nagging Karma for god knows how long. "I want you to feel safe," Amy said.

Karma felt warmth spread inside of her like a glowing orb.

"I don't deserve you in my life."

"You deserve better," Amy said.

"No, I mean it," Karma said. She felt like crying as she drove with her new friend into the neighborhood she'd taken so excruciatingly long to return to out of sadness, guilt, and fear.

Amy squeezed her hand and kissed it. "It's gonna be fine," she said. She'd be there for her, there was no question about that. Ugg… If only Karma knew…


	23. Chapter 23

_*they're making me awfully teary*_

 _*I've been working like mad with no time to write*_

 _*every time I get a chance to add to this I feel a little bit happier*_

 _*there are so many sweet lovelies in this fandom but I've been pretty upset with a lot of the fandom for both supporting bi-erasure and supporting biphobia in general*_

 _*it's definitely been a tough journey with lots of ups and downs. I just think a lot of people have no idea how offensive they are being when they say certain things and that's tough to deal with because I want to believe everyone cares but then shit just gets said and it just makes me super upset or sad… anyway… I love these characters but the discussions surrounding them are more than always problematic and they really shouldn't be problematic at all so I'm worried for the future of the gay community as a whole and that just blows*_

 _*anyway.. here's wonderwall…*_

 **Chapter 23**

 **Home is Where the Heart Is**

Karma parked the car and let out a huge sigh.

"You ready?" Amy asked.

"Ready as I can be." She hadn't even called ahead or checked if anyone would be home. Karma tried to be hopeful. They could very-well go up to the front door and have to turn right back around after a couple of small knocks.

When Karma finally moved to get out, Amy did too. Karma met Amy at her car-door though and took her hand.

"We don't have to hold hands if you don't want to," Karma said.

"It's fine," Amy pushed. She wasn't much for PDA but this was obviously a complicated situation. Whatever Karma wanted, she'd want that too right now. Plus, holding her hand did feel abnormally lovely given the complicated events that felt they were about to take place.

Amy turned in strength to join Karma and face the house. Before Amy stood a modest Austin abode much like her own. If this was home for Karma this complicated everything in Amy's mind. Here Karma had been, and so close, all along.

"What is it?" Karma asked. She felt Amy twitch.

"Did you grow up here?" Amy asked.

"I did," Karma confirmed.

"Wow," Amy sighed, almost angry with her life. Karma was so close all this time. Just a few miles away. This was her childhood home.

"Told you I wasn't always rich," Karma smiled. "Not that this isn't an amazing house or anything. It's just, though I grew up here, occasionally we lived out of a food truck for reasons."

"Whoa," Amy said. That was the last thing she was expecting to hear.

Amy had never considered herself poor and she knew she really wasn't ever. There was a year or two after her Dad left that Amy and her mom were on welfare and really trying. But Amy rarely felt a hurt during those times. She didn't care about the newest clothes or the shiniest phones or any of the other crap people her age seemed to care about. All she cared about was her mother's sanity. For the longest time she felt a burden on her mother. But that all changed when her mom got the killer station job that was more stable than anything she'd ever had in her entire life.

Given all that, and her mother's unwavering love, Amy never once felt displaced or homeless. Not even when things had gotten really bad and her mom had to stay with her dad for a little while back when Amy was only five or six.

Hesitantly and with a bit too much sadness in her sigh, Amy felt the weight of Karma's coming home. She felt it in the way Karma clutched her hand for dear life and the way Karma's breath seemed tight and her energy shaky.

"It's complicated," Karma said. And they really didn't have time now to talk about all that.

The more Amy learned about Karma the more she wanted to protect her.

"We can talk about it later," Amy said. It was an effort to comfort but it came out a bit stranger.

Amy wished she could stop time and calm Karma down but there was no way. The laws of nature just didn't work that way.

They approached the front door and Karma heard music coming from inside.

"Here goes," she said, moving her hand to the bell and ringing it. How strange to ring a bell instead of just walk right in. Amy wondered if she'd ever be that way with her own mom. She'd hate it. It'd be horrible. She couldn't even imagine.

There were voices inside and then a high-pitched squeal as the door was swiftly pulled open.

"MY BABY!" Karma's mom nearly screamed. Amy watched and felt her hand tugged and let go as Molly enveloped her daughter in a bear-grip of a hug right in front of her eyes. "Don't you ever leave us again!" Her mom said.

Amy watched as Molly held Karma tight and rocked her lovingly. Both of their eyes were closed as they hugged for what seemed like forever.

Amy stood patiently by, watching. She couldn't imagine why there had been such a rift or why things seemed so strange between these two people who obviously loved each other very much.

Eventually Karma's eyes drifted open and she saw Amy watching her and happy about it all.

"Mom," she said, breaking the moment that lit her up inside and gave her joy. "I wanted you to meet someone."

Amy suddenly stiffened.

Molly turned to see the pretty woman who had come with her daughter all the way out to visit her past. "My goodness, you're pretty," Mrs. Ashcroft said, reaching a hand out for Amy to touch.

Once Amy grabbed the outstretched hand, she felt Molly tug her close and force her to fall into a very natural hug.

"Any friend of Karma's is a part of this family." These were actual rules. Amy couldn't know but these things were fact.

Molly wasn't sure what possessed her daughter to finally come home after the last unexpected fight they had but she was so very grateful. Anything could happen today and Molly would still feel blessed.

"That's sort of why I came out," Karma started once her mother was back to gazing at her as if she were tiny again and precious.

"My goodness, where are my manners," Molly asked, excited and flustered. "You two have to come in," she said, pulling their hands inside and making it come true. She couldn't chance her daughter flustering her and running off. She had to get them inside where leaving would escape their minds.

The music inside was coming from a very old sound-system that was actually crisp and clear. The inside of Karma's house looked almost exactly like it did when she was small. There were tell-tale signs of success: new paintings, updated carpets and tiles, antique pieces that were much more expensive than they seemed. And then there were the signs of the past: old speakers from the 70's, Karma's first guitar hanging up on the wall, and hand-drawn pictures of babies from way back when.

"Your house is lovely," Amy said. She spoke more to Molly than Karma.

"Thank you dear. Karma, I like her," Molly teased. "Come, come, come," her mother ushered them into the living room and onto the couch. "I've got pictures of Zen's. The farm is doing so well! Your father and him are out there planting the peppers again right now."

Karma had bought her parents a farm. It was a guilt purchase sort of. It was and it wasn't. She'd always wanted them to be happy and stable but she also wanted to be a success to them, something they could be proud of. That's why with the farm.

She sent them the deed two Christmases ago in a wooden crate with a fancy hand-painted logo on the front, a simple card with a hefty check, and a key to the farm-house that came with it all by default. It was sort of her apology but also her decision to just not give a fuck anymore and to let her family have their things even if it meant their things would be separate from her own.

She'd been driving around before that Christmas. She had a random day off after Liam had been spotted publicly kissing one of his wealthy young clients and a newspaper caught wind of it.

She drove for what seemed like forever that day. The farm just came out of nowhere. A little boy and his father were putting the sign right into the ground as she was passing it by.

She pulled over to ask for directions. They got to talking and then Karma knew she could help them so she just did.

It made her feel better in the moment. But then she had a farm she didn't need and a grudge she shouldn't keep so she sent it off to her mom and dad and let it all just solve itself.

"Here look," Molly said. She pulled a photo album from somewhere and opened it up on Amy's lap.

Amy felt stuck between the two women who obviously needed to be alone.

"See, this is when we first went. We all wished you had come but I couldn't get ahold of you and you were so busy with all your cases so we just moved along and waited. We knew you'd come around in time."

That was always Karma's way. Karma was stubborn and strong. She had her way of looking at things and Molly knew. Karma was a very sensitive child who often thought things that were untrue. But there was no way to change a mind like that. She'd live and learn. And that's how Karma always was. Even now sitting near her, Molly had to fight the urge to want to cage her if only for a little while.

Not to mention, she'd love to hear her little bird sing again. It'd been so long since that golden voice touched her poor desperate ears.

"Who's this?" Amy asked, snapping them both from their heavy stupors.

"Oh, that's Zen, my adopted older brother."

"He was so hot that day," Molly laughed. Zen appeared to be soaked from head to toe and exhausted. He had his jeans rolled up and a wet wife-beater on. The tan he was sporting was something Karma had never seen on him. "We had to spend forever trying to breathe some life into that soil. We knew it'd be hard but I don't think we were really prepared," Molly smiled.

"Mom," Karma said, touching a hand to hers and moving it out of the way so that she could shut the album and get her to listen.

Molly knew that Karma needed to come. Karma would not have come if she didn't need to. What Molly didn't know was why.

"I need to talk to you about Liam," Karma said.

Molly seemed to sense things. She let out a pained sigh.

For the longest time Molly was sure that things would just work themselves out. The last thing she wanted was for her daughter to be unhappy. Still, no matter what Karma tried, she always seemed to struggle and find obstacles placed all about her like some horrible nightmaric test.

"What'd he do," Molly said, sensing things. "We saw the papers. We've heard gossip," she said.

"Mom," Karma stopped her. "We're divorcing," she said. Simple was best. Simple was good.

"Oh?" Molly asked.

How is it that she could go years without speaking to her baby during the most disastrous time in her life. Molly felt her voice escape her just like her strength. What kind of mother…

"He doesn't love me and he hasn't for a long time," Karma said, trying not to choke on the nastiness of it all.

"Sweetie.. Why didn't you-" She stopped herself. "I wish you-" She stopped again.

"I'm seeing Amy," Karma said, surprising them all. She couldn't stand to see her mother's sadness. She had to fix it immediately.

"O-ah-oh," Molly said, turning to look at Amy and then back at her daughter. Amy and Karma both noticed the smile that Molly then showed. "Really?"

It wasn't a negative thing as far as Amy could tell. Karma seemed happy.

"It hasn't been long," Karma smiled, taking Amy's hand in hers. "But I haven't felt like this in a long time." And this was all certainly true. She'd never felt she could be strong enough to come back home on her own until now.

"I-I'm just so glad you girls decided to come over today," Molly's eyes began to rapidly fill with water as her smile grew huge.

"Mom," Karma groaned, like an embarrassed teen.

"Come 'ere, you," her mother said, standing up and making her hug her again.

It was the most fulfilled they'd both felt in a long time. Meanwhile Amy was watching and wondering why things were so strange. What had taken Karma so long? Everything seemed fine to an outsider coming in.

Then there was that mention of living out of a truck. And that talk before about Molly not being happy with what Karma chose to do.

Things were complicated for sure but right now all that Amy could feel was that she couldn't wait to get Karma alone and kiss her. She felt how stressed she was and how nervous from before.

They didn't talk much about Liam or why things were going the way that they were. Karma allowed her mom to ask a few questions but mostly she shut that convo down and turned everything inward and began to ask about her father and zen and the farm.

The soil was more than fixed after Karma's dad, Lucas, took his green-thumb to the once hopeless dirt.

It was weird for Karma to wonder if maybe she shouldn't have bought the farm from that family at all but more driven her father out to meet them and see what he could do to help. These were things that haunted her, little things that made her think of herself as this horrible human being.

At the time she thought she'd been doing everyone favors. But that family had to lose their home for no reason and Karma could see that now and she felt like an ass.

She made a mental note to try and check-up on that father and son.

When 4 o'clock hit Molly remembered that she had to drive out to meet her husband at the weekly farmer's market. Due to the success of their gifted farm, the Ashcroft's were selling more than usual and becoming a bit of an Austin favorite for many.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Molly asked. She hated to leave Karma. She hated it but she knew it'd be wrong to leave Lucas without help.

"It's fine, mom, we can't stay anyway. Amy has to see her sister soon." It was a lie, almost.

Karma had helped her mom pack up signature dips from her garage fridge and carry them out to her car.

In the driveway though Molly was sure that she shouldn't go.

"I can't," she said. "I can't leave. I've been wanting to talk to you since you left that day. I never should've said-"

"Mom," Karma pushed.

"I feel like I won't see you again," Molly said, realizing it. Her daughter was abusive without meaning to be. She knew it was wrong for the parent to feel like a child but Karma always had Molly feeling that way.

"I was stupid to stay away," Karma said. "I missed you and I was scared to come home."

Molly took two steps forward and held Karma's forearms in her own.

"You can always come home. I'd rather you be home," Molly said.

"I know," Karma said, trying not to cry. "But you always wanted me to chase my dreams and I killed them. And then things with Liam were always-" Karma let her voice trail off after her throat just choked close at the very start of her attempt to explain.

"Sweetie," Molly said, brushing a hand to Karma's cheek and trying to calm her. She suddenly felt like the parent again. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. No matter what you did or where you went." Molly pulled her in and held her.

"You knew I wasn't happy," Karma cried, feeling at home in her mother's arms. "You knew and you wouldn't let me forget."

Amy watched on, tears biting at her. So much made sense all of a sudden.

"Can you blame me?" Her mother asked, guilt ridden and trying not to feel shame. It would've been easy to pretend everything was alright. But Molly knew that money couldn't buy her daughter a marriage that worked or a career she actually felt in love with. That little guitar on the wall represented Karma in every way. So small and delicate, so old now that it had been placed a bit away. Playing the strings was dangerous but lovely. Molly was scared to tug at Karma's strings again. She'd made a royal mess of things before and pushed her daughter away when she needed love the most.

"No," Karma laughed, tears still falling. "But I needed you to pretend," Karma said.

"I know that now," Molly said.

Perhaps they were both stubborn and strong.

"Just promise me you'll come see me again this month."

"I promise," Karma said.

"And bring your friend."

"I will," Karma said, shutting her eyes into her mother's long-overdue hug.

Nothing could change the distance or the reasons. But love had been at the core of it all just as always with the Ashcroft lot.

"I'm gonna stay home a little while longer," Karma said. "Show Amy the house."

"Okay," Molly said, pulling away from her again and looking over at Amy. "You take care of her, okay?" Molly asked, pulling Amy in for a hug and feeling as Amy's body shook with Amy's tearful, **"** _ **okay."**_

For once in a long time, Karma actually felt welcome again and happy to be in her driveway at home.

Her mom got into her car and drove it away. As her car pulled out Karma wandered the two steps to Amy's body and fell into her with both hands. Amy caught her and felt how much she was needed.

"Thank you," Karma barely breathed, letting all of her weight fall. She felt all of her strength leaving her and she didn't need it anymore. For once, she had someone there who'd carry her.


	24. Chapter 24

*sorry for any confusion the alternate story is causing*

*it was only related to this story in a very basic world-building way*

*it definitely didn't tie-in to this in anyway, both stories were independent, that's why i posted it on its own story page altogether and kept it separate*

*that other story was what i intended to write in the first place and this story is what actually came out of me when i sat down to write this world*

*my brain is an interesting place*

Chapter 24

Wandering Through Rooms

Worlds of time seemed to have passed for them both. Since the moment Amy met Karma, and this moment outside of Karma's house on Karma's drive, it almost felt like the world had just somehow shifted to the left and things were just as they needed to somehow be at long lost. What had become of their lives? How strange to feel so attached so quickly. Neither of them were used to this sort of thing. This wasn't like them. It made no sense to either of them. And yet… They were suddenly so important to one another, so epically irreplaceable, and that feeling was thick and palpable like a fresh sweet mystified nectar they couldn't help but taste upon the air.

In the driveway, after the parental storm, Karma clutched Amy with desperate hands and thoughts she'd never had. She had waited too long to come home. Seasons had passed. Emotions had shifted. A hole had been left. There was no way to go back. What she had done was interesting and very sad. She had battled her life all alone until now. She had waited until her Liam war was over. And she realized that now, clutched to Amy. She realized she had gone without by choice when she could've had help. Her mother had been right all along. As usual. About everything.

Karma held onto Amy's frame as if letting go could kill her.

"Thanks for coming here," Karma whispered. Something about Amy made her feel both anxious and safe all at once.

"I'm glad I came," Amy assured, holding onto her girl and feeling how she needed to be present.

"I'm a shit girlfriend," Karma said. "I was supposed to feed you." She took her palm to Amy's cheek and felt her soft skin. Amy took her hand and pulled it to her lips so that she could kiss it.

"Feed me then," Amy teased. The word girlfriend triggered all of Amy's expectations and led them to fly-low now, close to landing, since verification was not too far off. This was new but it did feel safe. She could wait forever to eat, really she could. Food was never hard to get or resist for her. She loved food but she didn't need it constantly. Plus, this was better, whatever this was.

Amy would give up food for a week if it meant Karma could feel some peace of mind again. There seemed to be an earthquake upon Karma's life lately. All of a sudden, everything in Karma's life was being shaken and rearranged. Amy felt her part in that. Karma could go through this alone but why would Amy allow her to? That wasn't something that even crossed her mind. They couldn't go back and become strangers and right now Amy knew she wanted to be with her more than she wanted anything in her world.

"Was that okay?" Karma asked. Time was passing slow in the driveway where cars rarely moved and voices were rarely heard. Karma needed to recover. She kept nuzzling her head into Amy's neck and then pulling her face away so that she could look at Amy and see her out in the daylight. When Amy's lips came too close and her eyes stared in that exact right way Karma would sigh and hide her eyes in Amy's shoulder and neck again, an unfamiliar feeling of happiness just filling her up inside.

This was love...

"What?" Amy asked, wondering.

"I mean… Is it okay if I call you my girlfriend?"

Amy smirked and then that smirk grew into a smile. "You already know I want you to," Amy said.

"And how can I possibly know that?" Karma asked, moving her head away again, the better to marvel at Amy in the heat of the sun and tease the beautiful woman who had become this sudden precious gift on her life.

"I'm not exactly playing hard to get," Amy teased with a small laugh.

Karma leaned in close, staring a bit down from eye-level, at Amy's lips. "Mmmhmmm, right," Karma sighed. She pulled Amy in by her shirt and kissed her in her drive-way, feeling as emotions had built up and now they were being tugged at and taunted by lips and softness and a not-so-careful need. There was no place in the world she would rather be. No feeling she'd rather feel. No person she'd rather taste. When Amy kissed her now it was set in Karma's mind. She'd hitched her wagon. "If I had my way, we'd still be in bed," Karma teased, her eyes growing lazy from the tenderness and the want to be resting nestled up with Amy for a good long while without any other distractions to drag her away.

"If you had your way we'd never be here," Amy said.

"I know," Karma smiled. "And that's why I love you." She needed her.

And there was that word again, that word that sent Amy's mind reeling. _**Love.**_ Karma had said it while she was gazing up at Amy's eyes and holding her in her arms like she was the only person who could ever matter. Karma said it without qualm or preemption or fear. Karma said it.

"You've said that twice now," Amy noticed.

"Have I?" Karma asked. It had escaped it the first time. But if she said it she must've felt it. Karma didn't joke around about love. Love was dangerous and delightful all at once. Love could turn her into someone she wasn't. But with Amy, love was different. With Amy, Karma never felt more herself.

"Mmmhmm," Amy agreed, swallowing a tiny fear down her hopeful throat.

"Hmmm… I wonder what that means," Karma teased, she was rubbing her hands at different times around the skin of Amy's neck and looking up at her in such a way that she just wanted Amy to know how good she felt just now at her home where she hadn't been for at least two years.

Amy felt Karma's hands rubbing soft and warm on her skin. The touch exited her. She loved the way in which Karma touched and felt her. She loved everything but she hadn't said that yet and she wasn't sure why.

"Come on," Karma said. She'd noticed her special word had yet to be returned. She leaned up again and kissed Amy just for herself. She felt her finger-tips rest on Amy's chin as she tried to hold her love in one single kiss. "I wanna show you my room," she said, like a teenager all over again.

She took Amy's hand in hers and tried not to feel a slight sting.

If Amy wasn't in love she wasn't in love. Karma had time to figure that out but it did frighten her not to hear the word "love" given right back, especially after being told she herself had said it twice.

On the way to the door Amy's phone began to vibrate in her pocket.

"Oh shit," Amy said, "It's Lauren, I better answer."

"I'll be inside," Karma said, leaving the door open wide. In case Amy needed some privacy Karma took off to the kitchen to see if she could make something for Amy to eat real quick to tide her over until they'd both leave.

"Hey," Amy said.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!" Lauren yelled.

"Whoa, calm down," Amy fought.

"YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HOME ALL NIGHT OR DAY. IT'S ALMOST NIGHT AGAIN. WHERE ARE YOU. TELL ME NOW." Lauren was yelling but in that way that meant she was no-nonsense.

"I'm with Karma. We're at her house."

"What?!" Lauren hadn't been expecting that one. She wasn't sure what she expected but it was definitely NOT that.

"Karma Ashcroft?"

"Yes," Amy scoffed. "Have we even met another Karma?" Lauren was being annoying but it was all due to worry so Amy tried not to be EXTRA mean.

"Why are you with her? And why would anyone want to be with her if she was with Liam again?"

"Oh," Amy said, realizing the confusion. "No, we went to see her mom," Amy said.

"Karma never sees her mom," Lauren said flatly.

"Lauren, whatever, I'm fine okay. I'm with Karma. It's no big deal. We're just hanging out."

"Yeah, but why?!" Lauren still wasn't sure why it bothered her so much, this answer. Maybe it sounded like a lie? Maybe it just sounded weird? Something didn't sit right with her. Amy and Karma didn't have friends. And they weren't friends. _**Were they?**_ Lauren thought to herself.

"Fine, okay, I'll tell you but you can't tell anyone."

"Fine," Lauren said, waiting on the other end of the line with barely any patience left.

"Karma and I… We're- We're sort of dating."

"You're WHAT?!" Lauren didn't like it. She hated it. The last thing Amy needed was another affair with a boss.

"It's not like Reagan, okay. Karma even just told her mom I was her girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?! What like you're both 11 all of a sudden?!"

"HOW WOULD YOU SAY IT?!" Amy whined, more frustrated than angry. Here she was trying to be open and Lauren was JUMPING DOWN HER THROAT.

"What's gone on between you. When did this start? I don't want her hurting you."

Amy busted up laughing.

"Look, just… Don't worry okay? I'll tell you about it when I have time. Right now I'm at her house and we're both safe and there's no need to worry about me. That's all you need to know."

"I can't believe you kept this shit from me," Lauren spat gruffly.

"Just… Don't tell anyone."

"Okay…"

"Okay," Amy said. "I'm gonna hang up now."

"Okay. Bye." Lauren said, hanging up her phone first.

Inside, Karma had pulled a bowl of strawberries out of the fridge and put a few on a plate with some melted chocolate. She figured that would work.

"Hey you," Amy said, walking up behind Karma in her kitchen until her body was too close not to touch. She pulled Karma's hair back from her neck and lowered her lips down to delicated kiss her while her arms slid in on Karma's sides and she pulled her close to hold her from behind.

Karma felt her entire body wanting Amy in a very dirty way. She felt her eyes close and her stomach leap. She wanted Amy's lips to be everywhere and her fingertips too. She felt Amy's tongue tease at her pulse.

"I guess I can just eat you," Amy teased in a whisper.

The thought was intense. It was getting harder not to touch and they both were beginning to notice.

"Here," Karma said, holding a strawberry up and watching as Amy bit into it.

"Mmmm," Amy moaned. "That's delicious."

Karma turned and Amy closed the gap between their bodies again. "You're starving," Karma said, gaining back some of her strength and her usual poise. Karma picked another strawberry up and fed Amy again, watching as she tasted it.

"Thanks," Amy said once she had chewed it enough to swallow. Her lips were extra red now and Karma needed them.

"Don't thank me," Karma said, feeling overwhelmed. She pulled Amy down to kiss her, this time Amy tasted like strawberries and chocolate, much sweeter than candy. She felt Amy's lips smile as her hands came to hold her. "I like you in my kitchen," Karma said, tasting her some more and letting her hand slide onto the skin of Amy's back beneath her shirt. She felt as Amy got goosebumps from all the touching she hadn't been used to. "Come on," she said. She took Amy's hand and the plate full of strawberries. She wandered down her familiar hall and took the stairs up to her bedroom from long long ago.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

 **Bedroom Tales**

Turning the corner and following, Amy fell into Karma's room and felt strange.

The room was clean and simple but little things were Karma, too many little things. All added up it was lovely, like a time-capsule of sorts, it spoke of Karma's becoming.

An ancient looking acoustic guitar sat on a stand in a corner next to a piano with sheet music that had hand penciled-in composition and words right under with dashes and lines. It was Karma's handwriting. Amy recognized it from the restaurant the other day.

Another guitar hung up on the wall. This one looked newer, less important somehow but hand-crafted and nearly unplayed. From several feet away Amy could smell the fresh wood used to make it, she could tell it was expensive and it said Martin & Co. in gold lettering along the top of the head.

From behind her, Karma sighed and Amy turned to see her.

"How long has it been?" Amy asked, surveying her stance.

"Too long," Karma sighed and rolled her eyes at her own stupidity.

The room looked just as it had the last time she came back from college. Not much changed after that back here, though everything else in her life really changed in a drastic way.

"Every time I came home my mom would ask me what I'd written," Karma felt she could cry. Tears hung in her eyes but she didn't want to address them. She stared at the old posters on her wall and the framed pictures of her and Liam together back when they went to Hester and first started dating. In one of them she was wearing Liam's letterman jacket and he was hugging her from behind. She had her hand on his chin. They looked happy. She sighed, remembering. Things weren't always so bad. "Every time I'd written less," she said. Law took away all her music time. But this room, _**God this room...**_ It was a love-letter to music and Karma ached inside of it, it was her treasure chest somehow. Being inside it again felt like disappearing back inside her genie's lamp. Maybe her mom was her genie? She laughed at her thoughts. Amy saw and wondered what she was thinking. Karma was so at home in her element but also so tired from feeling things all day. Amy's eyes followed her in wonder.

Karma walked to the piano and set herself down on the bench. She took her hands up and began to play a sad song that Amy had never heard.

It was like flipping a switch.

This room had been Karma's sanctuary, her only safe space at one time. A lonely space but a safe space. While Karma played she remembered it all.

And she remembered why she left. She left it for him. She remembered all of the things she used to think and feel inside of this room.

Life after leaving? It was different. It was her life but it wasn't. She had choices but she felt differently with him. She let herself build-up the fantastic fallacy of the perfect life with him. It took too long to realize and now she was back where she started. She always had a home. She always had her own things. That was different now. Or it wasn't. It was confusing. She had returned to herself in a way. Her things were different. Her thoughts and feelings had changed. And there was no way to go back but that was okay right now, it was sad but okay.

Amy watched from Karma's bed. This girl was more than talented. Her fingers slid across the black and white keys with so much ease. It was like water dropping gently into a clear pond. To Amy it felt debilitating, watching her. She huffed out a breath and just listened, her heart racing. Karma arrested her in that space. Karma was different with a piano beneath her. It was like the other day in the car when Amy got her talking about music and Karma started to sing.

She had passion. More passion than Amy had ever seen.

Her tone was low and filled with soul. It was a blues song when her voice crooned out.

"It's been a long long tiiiiime, since I've coooome to your dooor," Karma sang. "There's a place that I've been, I can't taaaaake anymo- oooo- oooreee." "And you know I've been thinkin', 'bout how wrong I've been before. It's been a long long tiiiime, since I've coooome, to your doooor..."

Karma stopped in the middle of her song.

"Wow," Amy huffed. There was so much emotion, it just filled up the room. "I've never heard that song," Amy said. It dragged on out of her as if pulled from her soul.

"Of course you haven't," Karma laughed, her fingers tinkering. "I just made it up." She looked back down at the keys, not realizing at all what she might look like to someone who couldn't play. Karma tinkered with her fingerings and fiddled around with her new composition. If she was smart she'd write it down. But there was something rewarding in knowing that she could just make a song in an instant and have it be for only just once before allowing it float-on away into that nowhere space out there where all the other potential hits died out in the end.

Karma stopped in an instant, she realized she was being dismissive, and turned back around.

"You write songs," Amy smiled. "You sing. You play piano,.. It's like you're this whole other person." Amy wished she'd known all of it before. Karma had so much talent. It was intense. Lauren never said...

Karma got up and pulled the beat-up guitar out of the corner. "Here," she said, coming close to Amy and sitting down next to her on the bed. She turned inward so she could play Amy a song. Her fingers plucked a little before she spoke. "I know you know this one," Karma smiled. "Everyone always knows this one." It'd been so long since she'd performed anything that wasn't a practiced speech. Playing for Amy all of a sudden made her feel soft. She felt her palms grow sweaty and her throat get tight. Being away from her instruments gave her a sort of complex about her skill. Even then she always felt that she needed to be so much better if she was ever to succeed in song.

She didn't know much about Amy's tastes but they'd already talked together about American Idol and Karma remembered Amy making a joke about quitting the show when Katherine McPhee was kicked off so she got this idea in her head. She began to strum along, a long intro she used to play all alone. This song was very close to her heart. It was a song she learned when she was very young and never got tired of, not even now. By the time she opened her mouth to sing she'd already lost all nervousness. She was too nostalgic for the sound. Something about Judy Garland, back in that farm, in that black and white world.

Amy on the other hand was trying to act calm. But then Karma opened her mouth and Amy couldn't believe how beautiful Karma's voice was.

"Somewhere over the rainbow… Way up high.. There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby." Her fingers danced on vibrating strings as Amy watched. "Somewhere over the rainbow… Skies are blue… And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true…"

Amy had to try and stop herself from crying. She loved that song. Everyone did. _**But Karma's voice?**_ _**Oh… Karma's voice...**_

Katherine Mcphee had sung that song and Amy knew why Karma had said what she said before she had started to play. Karma knew Amy liked Katherine Mcphee but she didn't know how much Amy loved L. Frank Baum's entire made-up world of Oz and subsequently the Wizard of Oz film and subsequently Gregory Maguire's true-to-life reimagining of the polarized witches in Galinda and Elphaba. This song was… _**Coming from Karma?**_ It was suddenly Amy's favorite song again just like it used to be when she was a kid and she'd lay before the tv and just marvel at Dorothy Gale as her mom made her sandwiches somewhere off in the background secretly adoring her all the while and seeing herself in her in every way.

Sitting beside Karma while she sang, Amy felt goosebumps cover her skin, she wanted to tackle Karma and smother her with kisses and love. But she held back because the song was beautiful and she wanted to hear it. The song was about life and hope and dreams. It was everything. It was an everything song. Trying to act calm and keep from crying, Amy pulsed beside her friend and wondered how Karma could even go a second without singing with that addicting voice. If Amy had that voice she would never ever shut up.

When the song came to an end Amy knew it was coming and she turned inward to face her friend.

There was silence for a moment between them. Karma had just stopped like it was no big deal...

"I can't believe you're an actual person who exists," Amy said, feeling nothing but awe.

"Believe it," Karma said, not knowing at all what she should say. To Karma, Amy deserved so much more than an old song in an old room where all Karma's own memories haunted her and distracted her from the now.

Karma got up and put the guitar down by the bed. Amy grabbed Karma's wrist and tugged her back.

"Kiss me," she said. Karma was suddenly too much for her. She was too much for the world all of a sudden and Amy needed her to be hers right now, she needed it more than life. She felt her heart trying to leap from her chest and reside with her.

"K," Karma smiled nervously, letting herself be tugged down onto her high school bed in her high school room. She'd only ever kissed Liam there before but this was… It was better.

Amy fell back and pulled Karma down on top of her. She was suddenly so very desperate for Karma's lips and Karma's touch and Karma's taste. Hands flew to places, a fire was lit.

"Wow," Karma said, breaking from the kiss and realizing it. She looked down at Amy and saw how much she wanted her. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"For once," Amy huffed, searching Karma's eyes and wishing she could understand. Amy didn't do this to people, she didn't want them this much, they usually wanted her more.

Karma's lips curled up into a smile as she kissed her again. Feeling Amy's body beneath her was more than perfect. She felt her hands groping for Amy's face and her own body sinking into her and pressing into all of Amy's places.

"Uh," Amy moaned as Karma accidentally scooted up on her, dragging her body up.

"Sorry," Karma panted, desperate for air and other things.

"No," Amy said, pulling her up on her again and letting her mouth fall open a bit wider so she could kiss Karma harder and let herself have a bit of what she wanted.

Amy's hand was at Karma's waist and on her skin. She was holding her there and moving with her, wanting to feel. This time it was Karma who moaned. She hadn't intended for this. She hadn't intended on making love to Amy in her old room where she hadn't been in years. But no one intends on things like this. No one intends on new love or old heartache to connect. Karma was done fighting with the fates. She was done living a life for others when she wanted this now and only this, even here.

She sat up on Amy, straddling her and throwing her top off.

"What are you doing?" Amy asked nervously. Even though she had had sex before she felt suddenly scared again and she couldn't place that fear or why it had jumped up and bit her. All she knew was that she couldn't, not yet.

"Don't you want to?" Karma asked lovingly. She was looking down at her while she pushed Amy's shirt up with both of her hands. Amy took a deep breath in while Karma's hands smoothed up her torso and landed ontop of her bare breasts and squeezed.

"Uh-" Amy barely breathed out, her eyes opening wide in near shock. She felt how badly she wanted, below the spot where Karma was resting her body, Amy felt a flurry of activity and she was instantly wet but she was still scared. "I dunno," Amy said in a panic. "I dunno if I'm ready."

Karma hadn't been expecting that. And she could see in Amy's face that something was wrong and it terrified her.

She felt horrible all of a sudden.

"Oh God," she said, noticing a change in Amy's emotions and her face. That change was just so apparent. Two seconds before Amy was 100% begging. And now she was frightened and scared and not okay. Karma quickly moved herself off of her. Where Karma had been sitting she'd been putting pressure on Amy's secret space. And then Amy's face changed and she wasn't sure and Karma just realized that _**it just wasn't okay.**_ She realized all of a sudden and felt horrible. "I am so sorry," Karma said. This was the second time Karma tried to push Amy into sex with her. There was just something in the way Amy was kissing and touching her. She just really felt like Amy was ready.

"I'm sorry," Amy said, sitting up. She felt the phantom touch on her breasts where Karma's strong hands had just been. "I dunno why I'm scared," she said, her hair dangling over her face so Karma couldn't see.

Karma moved Amy's hair so that she could look at her.

"It's okay," Karma said. "I shouldn't have pushed."

"No, I started it, I pulled you on top of me," Amy was replaying it and wondering why that fear had come up and bit her.

"But that doesn't mean-"

"I'm so stupid," Amy said, realizing it and getting angry with herself. She got up without warning and walked right out of the room. She didn't want to be there anymore. She didn't deserve to be there. She felt like she had been playing with Karma or something. She wasn't acting like a normal person in her situation would act. She got up and left.

"Amy?" Karma grabbed her shirt and chased her. There was something wrong. And she didn't want to lose Amy. She didn't want Amy getting lost in her own head. "Amy?" Her hurried walk turned into a jog as she rounded the corner of the hall and stopped once she saw that Amy was just outside in the front yard between the door and the car and standing to face her.

"I'm scared," Amy said.

It was obvious though. That was obvious now.

Karma had forgotten but she couldn't forget again. She let herself get lost in her. She forgot that Amy was scared.

"You don't have to be," Karma said. There was distance between them but she didn't want to chase Amy away.

"I wish I wasn't," Amy said, feeling it in her bones. She'd never felt this way. Never gone this far.

"Come on," Karma said, "we should go."

It was the smartest thing to do. Karma didn't want her family coming back. And she didn't want Amy leaving without her and things just ending like this somehow and going away.

"Come on," she said, carefully tugging on Amy's hand as she walked calmly past her with nothing but love in her heart.

Amy felt the tug and it calmed her. When Karma dropped her hand Amy instantly missed it. They walked to their doors and got inside the car.

Karma started the thing up and backed them out and began again to drive.

It was so quiet in the car and Amy didn't know what to say.

"I shouldn't be pushing you," Karma said. "I didn't mean to." Suddenly their conversations seemed so much more important to her. Amy was always talking about not being used to being touched. And Karma had just grabbed her in there. There was nothing subtle about that. "God, I'm such an asshole," Karma scoffed.

"No," Amy fought, taking Karma's hand and squeezing it. "This wasn't you," Amy said. "I'm just, I'm not used to this being normal." Amy had one boyfriend in high school. Every time things started to get real with him Amy would back out and leave. She still wasn't sure if she loved him even now. There was something amatter with her. It was hard for her to accept love.

And then with Reagan Amy sort of just went for it. She was in a mood and Reagan made it easy for her by not asking or telling and just pushing her worked. Amy was sick of nothing happening. She had this pattern and she was more aware of it then. Every time she gets scared she runs from things. With Reagan she forced herself to stay. And then things just sort of ended right after they started and that hurt.

Karma was stewing in her chair. She couldn't help but feel sick with herself. "I want you sooooo much," she confessed, her eyes closing for a moment as she ruminated on that intense truth. Back in that room she was just ready to do it all.

Amy's mind froze. All of a sudden it was like Amy could see how much Karma wanted her and how honest she was being about that and how much that arrested her too. She watched Karma and felt calm.

"How do you do that?" Amy asked, mesmerized.

"Do what?" Karma asked, still bothered by her own greedy ways.

"Just now," Amy said. "Just now I was so stressed out and scared. All you had to do was say one thing and I felt good again."

"Huh-," Karma laughed awkwardly. "Really?"

"Yeah," Amy said, turning away from her and looking out at the other cars. She still had her hand in Karma's and she was still holding it tight.

"I always want you to feel good," Karma said, feeling defeated despite Amy's confession. She knew she fucked up somehow and she blamed herself and felt bad.

"Don't take me home," Amy said. She didn't want to be away from her, not for a single second.

"K," Karma said, relieved. At least Amy was staying.

"I know I freaked out… I know that was weird."

"It wasn't-" she lied.

"It was," Amy said. "I'm not normal. I'm not like everyone else seems to be. I get scared and I don't know why I get scared. It's like I can't control it."

"I don't want to hurt you," Karma said, raising her voice more than she intended to and feeling angry with herself.

"You didn't hurt me," Amy said, tugging at Karma's hand so that she'd look at her. "You didn't," she pushed.

Karma turned her head back to the road though and tried to understand what had just gone on. They were perfect. Everything was right…

"I don't want to make you feel like that," Karma said. "You make me feel safe. I want you to feel safe with me."

"I do," Amy said. "It just got intense really fast and I freaked."

Karma drove quietly. She didn't know what else to say or how else to put it. She was mad at herself, too mad. And the car had become quiet. That silence terrified her.


	26. Chapter 26

_*to the anon who just wants sex: HA-HA!*_

 _*if you haven't figured it out yet the original is angst and goodness and the alternate is sex and power-play*_

 **Chapter 26**

 **In Spite of all the Damage He Caused**

They'd come a long way together in just a matter of hours.

"I dunno why I feel so stressed out," Amy sighed. She was really upset with herself.

Beside her, Karma hurt from that. It was probably this day and everything from Karma's own life that was stressing Amy out. Amy didn't need to pile all Karma's shit ontop of her own. Karma knew that and she cursed herself secretly for not thinking most of the time.

But Amy was sure that Karma's life had not been the problem at all. Conveying that? That was a difficult thing because it meant explaining things and explaining meant thinking about the things she had willfully tried to forget.

"You don't have to be with me," Karma said, remembering. It wasn't a mean-spirited response but more of an apologetic one.

"What?" Amy's heart dropped in her chest. She felt it stutter to a hault. She felt the air leave her chest. And then her heart beat faster in the wake of those words. Where on Earth did that thought even come from? This had nothing to do with that. Of course she wanted to be with her. "I want to be with you." Amy said, more sure than she ever could be. Even surer about needing to say it out loud.

"I just mean, this was a lot really fast," Karma said, feeling a bit like a child again for the first time in years. "Sleeping over, hearing about the divorce, meeting my mom…"

"Hearing you sing," Amy smiled, looking over at her with tears in her eyes and feeling more than grateful. She didn't have regrets. That's not what the fear had been.

They'd slept all morning but still a lot had somehow gone on.

"And telling Lauren," Amy remembered. She let her head drop down and look at her hands. Her hands were shaking and she wondered when it was that she let go of Karma's hand. Did Karma know she was shaking?

"Lauren?" Karma asked, noticing Amy again. She was well aware of the loss of Amy's hand. It made her feel worse. The distance was negative. She hated it.

"Yeah, I… I told her about us."

"Yeah?" Karma asked, still over-the-moon that there actually was an _**US**_ to discuss.

"Yeah," Amy smiled, realizing again how happy Karma made her today by trusting in her and introducing her to her mom and actually telling her mom that she was her girlfriend. It hurt now though to think about because she knew she'd been weird. The last thing Amy wanted to be was some long-overdue rebound and perhaps that was half of her fear back there in Karma's room. Right now, she couldn't really say.

"That's good," Karma said, noticing Amy's hand again and taking it in her own. She felt Amy's body shaking by her side and wondered what she had done to worry her so very much. "You're shaking," she said. "You must be starving." It was an easy thing to pretend to blame it on so they both did.

"I am," Amy lied, the way she was now was exactly the way she had been on that first semi-date, with that client right after she'd kissed Karma on a random whim in the car and spent the day with her around, the time Karma was taking her back home. Amy squeezed Karma's hand hard and felt good about the fact that Karma was allowing them both to pretend they weren't worried or afraid.

They arrived at a small place Karma loved. Karma parked and walked over to Amy's door, taking her hand right away and staying close.

"This place is small," Karma said softly. "You'll like it." She'd taken heed from before. A lot of things seemed to really daunt Amy.

She asked for a booth in the corner and when the menus came Karma could tell Amy was still nervous so she started to talk about a case to get her mind off of things.

It didn't take long for Amy to forget altogether about how nervous she had become or how odd she had felt.

"I really like being with you," Amy said after a heavy sigh.

"I know," Karma smiled, looking down at her hands and tucking them under the table to keep herself from wanting to be intrusive and hold Amy's hands.

"I don't think that was about you," Amy said. She noticed how Karma was trying to be careful.

"What?" Karma asked. They'd been talking about an old case Karma worked where Liam and Shane had been trying to out lawyer each other in front of her. What Amy was talking about though, Karma couldn't quite say. All she knew was that it wasn't the case.

"In your room," Amy said, realizing right away that she needed to talk about it.

"Oh," Karma said, her voice dropping. She'd been trying to distract Amy from whatever it had been that scared her.

Amy didn't seem scared anymore though and she really wasn't.

"I haven't had a relationship in a long time," Amy said.

"What about Reagan-"

"That wasn't-" She cut Karma off. "It was close," Amy relented. "But it wasn't the same."

"The same?" Karma asked, trying not to be intrusive or rush knowledge.

"Yeah," Amy sighed. "In high school I think, well, for a while, I thought I was in love but…"

"We don't have to talk about this now," Karma said, pulling her hand back up onto the table and resting it softly over Amy's. She'd been trying to resist doing that for quite a while.

"I think I should," Amy swallowed. "That wasn't your fault and… I really like you."

"I'm not going anywhere," Karma pushed. There was no need for everything to seem so dire all of the time. They'd just gotten into this sort of deep relationship right off the bat and Karma wanted Amy to know that it didn't have to be like that. Sure it was comforting to know how deep their emotions ran but Karma didn't want to overwhelm Amy at all.

"I know," Amy said. "It's not that. I'm not scared about…" She stopped herself. "Getting close like that brings back weird memories. I don't usually. With him, I mean, I didn't want to be doing things."

"What?" Karma asked. She was suddenly scared about Amy's past. "He didn't force you or-"

"No. No," Amy stopped her. "He just. He wanted me all the time and I didn't realize it for a long time but I didn't want him that way, not physically."

"What did you want?" Karma asked nervously.

If Amy stopped her…

"I wasn't straight," Amy said simply, quieting most of Karma's fears. "I thought I was straight. I thought I wanted him. He was the only guy I really liked, ya know? The only guy I could see myself with," she laughed awkwardly. "Everything seemed fine until we'd get close like that."

"Amy…" Karma didn't know what to say.

"So it's hard," she said. "When you grabbed me in there it just sort of reminded me of him and I got scared. And he wasn't. He didn't… I mean..." Amy was trying to explain but it was hard. It wasn't like he had been forcing her hand or anything. She wanted to be a certain way and she wasn't that way and she tried to fit a mold that so many fit and she ended up hurting herself in the process and letting him try things that she should never had let him try.

"Shit," Karma sighed. A few moments ago she didn't think she could possibly feel worse but she knew now that she was wrong. "Amy… I am so -"

"Don't," Amy said, looking up at her quickly. "I told you okay, this isn't about you. I like when you touch me. I want you to touch me. I want you," she stressed and sighed nervously, looking away as she did because it was too much for her to admit. "That's not confusing," she finished. "I just… I haven't dealt with that stuff at all. I haven't had to. And I haven't talked about it either. Not to anyone. Not even Reagan."

The food came. _**Perfect timing…**_ Amy thought.

They could both feel their stomachs churning and that feeling had nothing to do with hunger. They were nervous now and having trouble communicating. They were both scared to speak.

When the waitress left they both picked up their utensils because of the quiet and they started to eat.

"I wish I knew you back then," Karma randomly said. She couldn't look up at her, she felt too much like an asshole for not treating her with extra care.

"I wish you did too," Amy said, smiling up at her and seeing her there. She put her utensils down and waited for Karma to see her. "I need you to know that wasn't your fault."

"Okay," Karma relented. She noted how serious Amy was. Amy was worried about it, she really was.

Karma's eyelids slowly blinked with the weight of a heavy sigh. She felt horrible for not being there long ago to help Amy with whatever that relationship was back in High School.

"I let him try when it didn't work. I thought for sure I was wrong. That it was me and I was just different. I thought I'd like it eventually. That I'd be normal. That I'd want him."

"He should've known," Karma was suddenly so very angry.

"How?" Amy asked.

"Amy…" Karma set her utensils down and pushed her food to the side. She wasn't even hungry she was just pretending to be because she needed Amy to feel better and she didn't know how. "If you saw your eyes back there-" She stopped herself. She was too upset to explain.

There was silence. Amy looked out at the restaurant and sighed.

"I tried so hard, to change," Amy said.

"Don't do that with me," Karma said. "Don't _**ever**_ try to do that with me."

"I don't think I can," Amy laughed, tears coming to her eyes. It was a relief to know that now.

"He shouldn't have pushed you," Karma said. She took her plate back and began to eat as if she was hungry.

From there the conversation waned and then changed. Amy brought up some movie she'd seen that sort of changed her life a little bit and one topic led to another until they were laughing again and remembering that it wasn't all heartache and sadness and a past-life of misery.

After the meal they got back in the car and Karma asked what Amy wanted to do.

"Take me home," Amy said.

Karma sighed and started to drive. The thought of leaving Amy was so overwhelmingly depressing and she hated it but she was trying to act okay about it all.

It wasn't until they were getting close to Amy's house that Amy realized Karma didn't know what she had meant.

"No. With you," she said, turning to Karma once she realized and squeezing her hand. "Take me home, _**with you.**_ "

They were quieter now, more careful. Karma's heart began to beat harder.

They'd had a very long day and it was nearly dark out by the time they got back to the hotel.

Riding the elevator up this time felt like safety to Amy. It was the opposite of the other day where she wasn't sure what it all meant. Being locked in a small room with Karma felt right.

They got inside and Karma, pulled Amy in and, lovingly kissed her. With all the emotions they were both feeling it felt good to not think for a second and they both felt the same. They were tender and needy. When Amy kissed back, with the same force, Karma whimpered. There was still too much that Karma felt she needed to apologize for.

"Mmm," Amy smiled, taking a hand to Karma's cheek and kissing her again. Vulnerable Karma was her favorite Karma. Amy just knew that Karma didn't show people this side of herself and that meant too much to her, it meant everything.

While Amy kissed her Karma felt herself let go again just a bit.

There was nothing they could do to change a thing about the past. Amy wanted to change things for Karma and Karma wanted to change things for Amy. Knowing what they now knew, to kiss was far from mild. The whole week had been a roller-coaster for the two of them and yesterday they had climbed all the way up to the top of a hill just to throw themselves down it at full speed. They were feeling that now as they tried to cling to each other and find solid ground or distract themselves from the ride of their lives.

Amy pulled herself from Karma and rest her forehead on Karma's to breathe. "I like kissing you," she huffed with closed eyes and a serene sort of smile.

"Don't stop then," Karma suggested.

Taking advice, Amy moved again to kiss her only this time she had so much force behind her it was just like back in that room on the bed.

Karma loved it but she was worried. Amy didn't have anything she needed to prove.

Karma felt her feet walking back. Amy was leading her toward the couch with a hand at her waist and a look of lust all over her.

When they got to the arm of the couch Amy pushed Karma back and Karma fell just as Amy had wanted. Amy followed, barely catching herself at Karma's sides.

Karma moved herself back and Amy crawled up to meet her lips again and press her body down into hers.

They kissed a long while, getting hotter and more intense. Every moment felt short but long. Every kiss ended too soon and they'd need another one right away.

Karma gasped for breath. She pushed herself up on the couch and pulled Amy up with her, forcing her to trap her. She was glad she was under her and not the other way around.

"I haven't done this in a while," Karma smiled, looking up at her. Amy was so gorgeous. Karma wasn't sure why Amy was even interested in her at all.

Amy shook her hair to the side and said, "Good," before leaning down into her again and kissing at Karma's neck, licking her there and feeling Karma shake just under her.

Karma moaned and held at Amy's head.

Amy touched a hand to the other side of Karma's neck as she played with her tongue above Karma's pulse point and felt as Karma squirmed.

"Oh, fuck," Karma said, grabbing at both sides of Amy's head with both of her hands. She felt like heaven right there. Karma's whole body was affected by such a small little touch.

Then Amy's hand slid up Karma's body at first absent-minded but then Amy knew what she wanted to do. She passed Karma's hip with her roaming hand, all the while licking and kissing at that one spot on Karma's neck that drove Karma insane. Then her hand passed Karma's stomach and got closer than Karma expected. Less than a second later Amy's hand was cupping Karma's breast and Amy squeezed it hard.

"Uhh-" Karma moaned, her pupils dilating. She moved her hand ontop of Amy's and squeezed it back. Amy's mouth moved up instantly until she was kissing Karma again and tasting how delicious she was all soft and turned on. It somehow meant everything that Amy would do that just now.

There'd be no denying that Karma wanted her and Amy smiled into her before losing herself and falling off of her onto the floor before laughing at herself and holding her head with both of her hands.


	27. Chapter 27

*OMG THAT FIC REC THO!*

*I CAN'T*

*i think a few people who are reading both this AND the alternate are confused still. this story and that story are two different stories completely. they do not run together at all. the characters are different in both worlds. i didn't realize until someone commented on "the diner" scene on that other fic. i didn't realize why some of you were SUPER confused. the diner scene was in this fic and the bar scene was in the other fic. So yeah, if you are reading the alternate IT'S NOT THE SAME STORY. IT IS AN ALTERNATE. THE CHARACTERS ARE PURPOSELY DIFFERENT. FOR ME. FOR FUN. SO THESE STORIES WILL NOT LINE-UP AT ALL. That's just a different take on this lawyer world and what they could be inside of it. This one is all sweetness and angst. That one is all play, and mainly more about teasing with sex.*

*so if y'all thought i just changed the characters drastically halfway through a fic that's not what happened. again, that's a different story. it has its own story page and everything. it is an alternate. it is a variant. aka: in place of this, instead of this.*

 **Chapter 27**

 _ **So, What About You...**_

"You are _**KILLING ME!**_ " Karma groaned. She brought her own hands up to cover her face. She really hadn't felt this much like a horny teen in a long long time.

Karma couldn't, for the life of her, remember a time when she wanted sex but couldn't have it or had to wait for it. The frustration was definitely intense.

"Sorry!" Amy laughed awkwardly, her voice nearly squeaking from embarrassment. "You just feel really good. I'm really not used to this." She took her hands down from her face and just laid there on the floor to try and recover and gather herself. The silence was lovely. And Karma's quickened breath on top of it all was simply music to Amy's ears. "What was it like with Liam?" Amy asked almost in awe of her.

"Whattaya mean?" Karma asked, turning onto her side and looking down at the woman on her floor.

"Sex," Amy asked. "Being his?"

"I dunno," Karma sighed, surprised by the question. "It was nice at first. I really wanted him, back then, and there wasn't much thinking. I would just go for it. Ya know?"

"Was that in High School?" Amy asked, thinking of that cute picture of them on Karma's wall, the one that looked like it came out of an ALL AMERICAN MAGAZINE or something like that.

"Yeah," Karma sighed, turning onto her back and trying to settle. She ran a hand through her hair. She didn't want to think about Liam anymore.

Amy's phone began to buzz in her pocket. She pulled it out and saw it was her mom.

"Crap," she muttered before picking it up and pressing the phone to her ear.

"Amy honey? Is that you?"

"Yea," Amy huffed.

"Are you alright? I haven't seen you in nearly two days." It was out of the ordinary which was sad for Amy to realize.

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine," Amy said.

"You haven't been kidnapped or murdered or-"

"I'm an adult, mom, remember?"

"No, no, you'll always be my baby, now, don't forget that."

"I won't," Amy laughed. Karma watched her and wondered what was going on. Amy seemed so sweet whenever she talked to the people she already knew.

"Can I ask who you're with?" Farrah knew it was wrong to be intrusive and pry but she also knew that her daughter came from her and there would always be cause to worry about something like that.

"I'm with Karma, mom. I met her mom today and we went out to eat." Amy looked over at Karma and gave her a smile.

"Oh, Karma? Really?" The surprise was in Farrah's voice.

"Mom," Amy sighed.

"Are you two… Is it… Is it like Reagan?"

"It's different, mom, but yes."

"Oh dear…" Farrah sighed.

"She's watching me talk," Amy said, taking Karma's hand and holding it while she watched her back.

Karma let her eyes drop as she sunk back into the couch and tried to calm down.

"Well, don't be a stranger," Farrah said. "You know I'll always worry about you. At least tell me where you are. Please," she added on desperately.

"I'm at Karma's mom. We're both fine."

"Okay." Farrah sighed. "And, GOOD." She tried to spin her reaction into a positive response.

"I'm gonna stay the night again," Amy'd already decided.

"Alright honey," Farrah said.

"Love you."

"Love you too," Farrah said back.

Amy hung up the phone and sighed. She put her phone onto the coffee table and laid back down on the ground.

Karma waited, wishing she could express herself but knowing she just couldn't right now. Amy's family was completely obsessed with her. It made Karma a little bit jealous, not that her own mom hadn't been that way before, things were just different now.

"Sorry," Amy said. "They worry."

"No, it's sweet," Karma sighed. She couldn't remember the last time her mother called. And her brother didn't care at all about her. And her dad was mostly sad about how distant they'd become, and how much she had changed and grown with time, so he gave her space.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm like, my Mother's burden or something."

"I highly doubt that," Karma smiled. She lowered her hand to dangle it near Amy. Amy took it in her own and squeezed.

"No, I'm serious," Amy said. "Think of the life she could've had if it wasn't for me."

"She loves you, Amy," Karma said. "Mother's always love their daughters."

"You sound like a commercial," Amy laughed.

"I know," Karma smiled lovingly. "But it's true."

Amy got quiet for a second. Karma wished she knew what she was thinking.

"It's hard feeling like I changed everything for her. Like, I know it wasn't my fault but still."

"She's a news anchor though, right?"

"Yeah," Amy said, sitting up and crossing her legs.

"Was that always her dream?"

"It was," Amy smiled to herself, thinking back on her childhood. "She used to have me pretend to be the cameraman. Just like my dad. I was so official." Amy laughed. "And she'd go on these auditions and she'd be so nervous."

"Look at her now," Karma smiled, happy tears biting at her eyes.

"Yeah," Amy sighed, a half-laugh.

"And what about you?" Karma sighed.

"Hmm?" Amy looked up from her in a daze.

"Was it always your dream to be a lawyer?"

"Not really," Amy said, rolling her eyes and shifting in her spot.

"Interesting," Karma said.

It was funny, that was the first time it hit Amy that neither of them wanted to be where they were in their careers.

"It's not the worst job," Amy said.

"How then?" Karma asked.

"Look at you," Amy teased. "Life just happens," She felt like pushing Karma just a little in play but she held herself back. Talking to her was refreshing somehow. Everything she said felt like a secret and she didn't know why.

"Hmm…" Karma pondered. "So what did you dream about when you were young?" Amy wondered when the last time was when someone had asked her that. If someone _**had**_ ever asked...

"Eh… It's strange." So strange she sorta blocked it out since high school.

"Come on," Karma pushed. "I sang for you." Reminding Amy this would certainly get her to talk. Karma was using her foolproof pouting tactics and Amy felt an instant tug at her heartstrings.

"Okay," Amy said. "I wanted to be a director. It was such a boy dream."

"How so?"

"You watch tv, it's always the boys that are into directing and carrying cameras around and filming things. Dawson Creek, One Tree Hill, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, hell, even Jesse from Pitch Perfect. They didn't even give _**that**_ role to a girl. The girl gets DJ," Amy teased. "I mean, look at MTV. They're only just now having a female character with a camera in her hands. Number 1? She's a lesbian. Number 2? She may very well end up a killer." Amy had recently marathoned all of the SCREAM tv show. She didn't care how old she was or how embarrassing it was to still admit to watching MTV. The show was entertaining and Amy would watch anything horror. It was just one of her things.

"Okay," Karma laughed. "That's because our media is shit." Karma wanted to make sure Amy knew that.

"Still," Amy laughed.

"Did you ever just go for it?" Karma wasn't thinking about tv. She was thinking about Amy, just Amy. It should be obvious by now that Amy could do anything she wanted. She became a lawyer. Look where she was working.

But Amy didn't look back on her dream fondly anymore. She sorta hated herself for it.

"In high school," Amy said cautiously. "Once."

Her face darkened a little.

"There was this whole scandal. I filmed the morning updates for first period but I wanted to break out and do something on my own. And I had a mentor sorta pushing me. This asshole teacher. He'd always flirt with me and stuff and for a while I really liked him. His approval was everything to me. You have no idea."

"What happened?" Karma asked. Something obviously happened. Amy was completely disillusioned. And Karma was no stranger to what it felt like to have a crush on a teacher.

"It just got dangerous I guess," Amy sighed.

"And that turned you off?"

"Yeah," she sighed again. "I don't know why we're even talking about this. I never think about this stuff."

Karma wished she knew more.

Amy wished she'd stayed silent.

"What was the scandal," Karma asked. She was well aware she was pushing it.

"This popular girl," Amy said, feeling as tears hit her. "She was attacked in the locker room by two guys. It was really bad. There were pictures all over. Someone was obviously trying to hurt her, defame her. The school wouldn't do anything because she wouldn't officially give names."

"Attacked?"

"You know…" Amy said.

A darkness fell over their space.

"Oh…" Karma said. There'd been things like that at her school too, attacks, even girls she knew. Being a member of a cheerleading squad comes with its own set of problems. Come to think of it, Karma had sort of blocked out a lot from back then too.

"I tried to figure it out. Tried to help her. It was stupid," Amy said. "In the end she got mad at me. I couldn't blame her either. She just wanted it to be over." Amy looked about to break. "I was this random girl pushing her to report these assholes and thinking I had any right to be talking or thinking about her life and her pain at all. I was an idiot. I didn't know..."

"Amy…"

"My dad's a war photographer," Amy said looking up. She seemed bitter now.

"What?" Karma didn't think that was an actual job.

"His life is everywhere but here. His life is bombs and killings and funerals and the next big thing."

"Amy…"

Amy sniffled. She was sitting up and holding her arms around her knees, trying to keep it together.

"I used to look for his pictures everywhere. Even those lame enquirer things in the lines at the supermarket with the alien babies. My mom just thought I was weird," Amy laughed and tears came. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this."

"You feel vulnerable," Karma said, crawling down off the couch and sitting next to her to make her feel safe. "I just told you all this weird stuff about my life."

"It's not just that though," Amy realized. "The only person I really talk to is Lauren and we don't talk about this."

"Is that good or bad?" Karma asked, feeling heavy and nervous.

"Good," Amy said, sniffling again and staring back at her with the weight of her undiscussed life on her shoulders.

"Good," Karma said. As fun as sex was, this was obviously much better. Amy needed someone and for the first time Karma felt that she really could be useful to her in some way.


	28. Chapter 28

_*to confused anon: Karma took Amy to visit her mom at her old house in her old neighborhood. Karma did gift her family a farm but the farm is in a different location (a rural location) and the Ashcroft's did not need to sell their house to keep their free farm so they kept their house since it is where they prefer to reside when they're not overly busy or having an event at the farm. Karma's brother, Zen, is doing a lot of the organizing on the farm and he mostly lives at the farm because he can. In the story I have it known that while Karma is at home with her Mom, her Dad and Zen are at the farm picking things and getting ready to bring crops to the local farmer's market where they earn nothing but profit and adoration from the local community for their award-winning goods.*_

 _*to everyone else: I know these are small details but someone asked so…_

 _Also, this chapter is short but I'm posting CH 29 right after I post this because it's also complete*_

 **Chapter 28**

 _ **Cozy**_

Shane called around 10:30. That was the longest he could wait. He had every mind to go find Karma and take her out for a dish session.

Karma sensed that as soon as her phone rang.

"So, you ready to work yet?" He asked.

"Depends," Karma straightened. Amy was making popcorn and they were about to start #2 in the Nightmare on Elm Street series.

Karma was overly interested in Amy's hidden passions and that led them to "favorite films" and then to horror films, and then, of course, to the confession that Karma had only ever seen the very first Nightmare on Elm Street.

Horror movies were hard for Karma. She used to watch the newer ones all the time when she had Liam but ever since he became distant she realized she couldn't watch them alone.

Social justice. A strange beast. To Amy it all seemed connected, her interest in helping others was directly connected to her obsession with TV and film.

Karma's interest in law was only ever a result of her interest in Liam. It was sad to admit but horribly true. If Amy had to describe that she'd relate Karma to Kerri Russell's Felicity. Felicity, the valedictorian, who followed her crush Ben out to the college of his choosing for no other reason than to be close to him. Amy's mom, Farrah, loved that show. Just like she loved Gilmore Girls. She and Amy used to watch things together all the time. All horror aside, Amy was a hopeless romantic.

"I think I might take a week off," Karma teased Shane while focusing her gaze on Amy Raudenfeld who was absentmindedly staring at the microwave and strumming her fingers on the underside of the kitchen counter.

"You do know we'll crumble right? You're the only one of us who has their shit together 100% of the time."

"Yeah well. Something's come up and I want to see how it plays out." Karma was staring at Amy's back from the couch. A week with her couldn't hurt. They'd only had a few days and they were already mending wounds and repairing broken bonds. "Besides," she sighed, turning her eyes away to concentrate a little harder on Shane's voice. "Don't you think it's time you two pulled your weight?"

"Umm.. I was hoping I'd never have to?" Shane teased, being down-right truthful in his own lack of motivation for his job.

"You have Lauren and Theo though and Chad and Gia and Petra and-"

"I know," he said, stopping her. He knew, she knew, having all those other people was not the same as having her. "Karma. You're the case-killer," he pushed. "Not me. Not Petra," he teased. Petra was indignant and more proud of herself than anyone else ever could be so it was fun for all of them to just mention her off hand and use her as a punchline because she lined herself up for that almost constantly.

"Oh Shane. Come on. If I can do it so can you, right?" Karma knew how bad Shane was at turning down a challenge. "Think of this as your turn to shine," she said. "Doesn't it embarrass you that I'm the one the clients and reporters look for now?"

"I know what you're trying to do Karma. It's not going to work," he teased even though he knew he was defeated.

"Where are you?" She asked. It was very loud on his side of things.

"Just that stupid bar near the courthouse. Liam has me buttering up one of his regulars."

"Hmm…"

"You can come down if you want. I'll buy!" He was eager to skip out. One day of just work was one day too many.

"Tempting," she lied.

"Are you with someone?"

"Maybe," Karma bluffed.

"I'll get it out of you eventually."

"I have to go Shane," Karma said. Amy was coming back.

"Karma, please?" He begged. "Just come in tomorrow morning, we can talk about it."

"We'll see," she said. She'd made promises to clients. As much as she needed a break she'd hate to let people down. That would always be her weakness; promises, promises, promises.

"Okay," Shane shrugged.

"Gooood luuuuck," Karma sang.

Amy came back with the popcorn.

"What was that?" She asked, plopping down next to her more-than friend.

"Shane already misses me."

"Cute," Amy teased.

"Not cute," Karma darkened. She took the popcorn from Amy and shoved a handful in her mouth. "He wants me to work."

"Oh," Amy realized. "Yeah. That's annoying."

"I've given too much to that firm."

"Let's quit," Amy smiled.

"Mmm, maybe," Karma stared over at her with intrigue. She really adored when Amy was being purposely cute. And that face was exceptional after all. It was hard not to stare.

"We can drive out to Dallas. I hear they're having auditions for American Idol."

"Oh really?" Karma smiled, her voice rising. That one came out of left-field. She knew Amy wasn't a big fan.

"I mean it, why not?"

The option was right there. Tuesday. Karma knew. The auditions were Tuesday.

"I dunno," Karma said, sobering up. "Maybe we should just see how tomorrow goes." She took Amy's hand and leaned into her so that Amy would be holding her. "Thanks for staying with me."

"Anytime," Amy said, her heart racing at how close Karma was and how much they'd already been through in one day.

The movie was ridiculous. Amy was embarrassed after only a few minutes. She should've picked something better but Karma was glad because it distracted her easily and got her mind somewhere else.

"Okay, this is pretty terrible, right?"

"It's fine," Karma said, hugging an arm around Amy's waist and holding her tight. She had endured so much worse with Liam, it was laughable. Plus, Karma didn't care what they were watching as long as they were together.

"Yeah, I can't do it," Amy said, stopping the film.

"What?" Karma asked.

"What do you like? What do you want to watch?"

"Amy, this is fine," Karma laughed.

"No, I'm serious."

"Okay," Karma shrugged, pushing off of her and fetching the control.

They'd bought the movie off of Karma's Amazon account but money wasn't an issue so switching it up wasn't even a thing.

"What do you think I like?" Karma asked.

"Oh boy," Amy sighed. "You?" she asked, the smile on her face stretching wide.

"Mmhmm," Karma challenged.

"I bet you like those embarrassing hetero rom-coms with the terrible scripts and the horrible acting."

"Hey!" Karma fought. "Say what you really think!" She teased.

Amy wasn't wrong though.

"What?" Amy said. "I like them too. Sometimes."

Karma wasn't sure if this was a lie or not.

"What's your favorite?" She asked.

"Truthfully?"

"Yeah," Karma pushed.

"I like The Holiday."

"The Holiday?" That was as dead-on as a person could get.

"Yeah, Cameron Diaz can't cry. Kate Winslet is this lonely sad person pining away after this jerk. They both have these lives they don't really love. It's perfect. What's not to like?"

"Okay," Karma smiled, staring over at her with this dreamy look.

"Stop," Amy pushed.

"Just didn't figure you for a rom-com fan."

"Kinda hard to be all for something that tricked me into thinking I was 100% straight."

"I guess," Karma sighed. She hadn't really thought about herself and what she was. Since Amy, she hadn't had time. All she knew was that it seemed right.

"What's your favorite?" Amy asked. She didn't like the eyes all on her.

"Mmm," Karma thought. "I can't choose. It's too hard."

"Come on?!" It wasn't fair. "You have to give me something."

"There's not a lot I don't like," Karma smiled. "I like horror movies and sappy movies and old movies, I like everything."

"You have to give me something though," Amy pushed.

"Okay…" Karma thought. "The Princess Bride. I love The Princess Bride."

It was cheating. Everyone loved The Princess Bride. There was nothing embarrassing about confessing this.

"It's very sweet," Amy smiled.

"What?" Amy was staring at her as if she hadn't given enough.

"Nothing," Amy said, turning her eyes back to the tv and waiting for the subject to change.

"No, you want to ask me something, I can tell."

"It's fine, really," Amy tried.

"Amy," Karma asked, pulling on her clothes.

"I just wish I knew everything about you. Is that weird?"

"No, it really isn't," Karma relaxed. She let her hand pull at Amy's side so that she could squeeze her in her arms.

"It's crazy. I know we've only known each other for a few days but all of a sudden I'm actually upset that I don't know you more."

"That's good," Karma sighed. She let her eyes close as she felt Amy's body in her arms.

"I dunno," Amy said, remembering herself. It was all pretty strange and new for her. She was finally beginning to understand what she'd been missing all those years ago in her longest relationship. What she missed was this feeling, this desperation, this want, this need.

"You okay?" Karma leaned back to survey her. She took a hand to Amy's hair and brushed it out of her face so that she could see right into her eyes.

Amy looked sad.

"Almost," she said, trying hard not to be overwhelmed.

"Well," Karma sighed, searching Amy's face and wishing she could help. There were suddenly no words. Karma tried to think of something but her thoughts were taken.

"Well?" Amy asked nervously. She couldn't help but notice the way Karma was staring.

Karma shook her head, realizing how lost she'd just been in Amy's gaze. "What should we watch," she smiled, nearly laughing at how dizzy she'd been just then with wonder. She had to collect herself, remember things, come back down to earth.

"The Holiday," Amy decided. It'd been a while.

"Okay," Karma sighed, happy to have something else to focus on. She pulled it up on Amazon and paid.

As soon as it started she cuddled up to Amy again. The music was so triumphant, Karma had definitely forgotten that much.

Karma got up and turned the lights off. When she cuddled back into Amy this time Amy rest her lips in Karma's hair.

"Thank you," Amy whispered once they were settled again in the dark.

"For what?" Karma asked. She was too comfortable to move. She could already feel her heavy eyes closing as sleep approached.

"Just everything," Amy sighed.

"Stop thinking," Karma laughed, squeezing her tight.

"Okay," Amy smiled. She breathed Karma in and held her tight as the movie played.

Not half-way through the beginning, Karma fell quietly to sleep. Amy kept holding her the whole time.


	29. Chapter 29

_*this chapter deals a little more with amy's past and her relationship with her family*_

 _*I can't remember if I named amy's boyfriend already, chose Ash like Ashton*_

 **Chapter 29**

 _ **Stormy Weather**_

After **The Holiday** , Amy started up **Twister**. Karma was asleep so it didn't much matter now what they watched. And Amy was feeling restless now. All the information from the day was swirling around in her mind now that she had time to digest it. She was thinking back on everything and trying to add it up. A lot had happened in one day. What concerned her the most though was the thing that had happened, or more like, hadn't happened, back in Karma's room at her Mom's house. That little incident was sort of eating her up now that she had time to look back on it and wonder why.

It was perfect. Everything about their day had been perfect. And they were alone again, finally alone. And Karma sang for her after telling her mom they were together. There was just so much about the day that seemed surreal. And then Amy reeeeally wanted to kiss her, she remembered that and felt it alight in her chest. _**And the kiss was…**_

It was perfect. Amy touched two fingers to her lips and closed her eyes to ruminate on how perfect it had felt.

Amy remembered it and wondered why she'd freaked.

As soon as Karma's shirt came off back there it was like a panic button got hit or something. And when she grabbed her? It was just like a flashback or something. Amy just felt a sort of familiar feeling she had forgotten about. A feeling she hadn't dealt with.

Amy tried not to think about it all but it was all she could think now with Karma sleeping still with her head right on her lap.

As soon as **The Holiday** ended there was silence. Amy needed something to get her mind off of what happened. Tornados would do the trick. Tornados and memorable quotes and cows and underdogs and other women, and Aunt Meg, can't forget Aunt Meg.

Soon as the intro began on her movie she felt better. She had this habit of watching certain films over and over and Twister was one of those films for her though not many people really knew.

As soon as it started up she felt a part of it. All those thoughts about her issues sort of disappeared because Twister was like a ritual to her, it could calm her and take her away. It was like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It just did that for her. It soothed her. Distracted her. Calmed her. And she needed all that.

Before the plot was even set in motion, Amy's phone buzzed in her pocket and she reached down to grab it. She only had relief for a small second.

"Amy?"

It was Lauren.

"Hi, yeah," Amy whispered. Karma's head was in her lap and Amy was stroking her side absentmindedly just like she'd been doing on and off. She tried to keep her voice low. The clock below the tv said 11:11pm.

Her current state with Karma was domestic bliss. The last thing Amy wished to do was wake her.

"Mom said you're staying with Karma tonight."

"I am," Amy confirmed.

"Okay…" There was an edge to Lauren's voice that meant she didn't think it was a good idea.

"What," Amy softly sighed. She kept her body from moving too. It was obvious to her that Lauren wasn't approving of things.

"You said you'd tell me about it when you have time. So talk." Amy could picture Lauren at home feeling all restless and worried.

"Okay," Amy sighed, relenting because she knew that no matter how it came off Lauren's call was strictly about concern more than anything else. "Where should I start?" Amy asked.

"Where is she right now?"

"She's in my lap," Amy said. The score to Twister was racing loud in the background and nearly drowning their words out and that was a good thing.

"What?!"

"She's sleeping," Amy smiled. "She's tired. She works too hard."

"Well, duh," Lauren said, agreeing for once. "Come on, tell me. How'd it all happen?"

"I don't even know," Amy realized. "It was just that first day after you left. She was so sad and I just wanted to make sure she was okay and now it feels like she's the one doing that for me and-"

"Amy…"

"What?" Amy asked, almost desperately.

"Be careful, okay? It's only been a few days."

"I know," Amy said, swallowing hard and sobering up. Lauren knew how hard Amy could fall. Up until last week Amy was broken from that one night stand with Reagan. Here she was, again, lost in someone else.

There were so many things that could be said about the two of them though. What about everything? What about all their secrets and the way they stared? What about the visit home and that kiss right before her panic and all that stuff with Liam and Shane and what about American Idol and Karma's dreams and Amy's past and on and on.

Amy thought it all and felt dizzy with indecision. She hated when things were uncertain.

"Well… Have you…"

"What?" Amy didn't know what Lauren was asking.

"Have you slept with her?"

"What?! No." Amy said, faster than she'd like to admit. "I mean, we could've but I didn't."

"Why not?" Lauren was far more keen than Amy imagined. She always listened and tried to place puzzle pieces together and understand the bigger picture. Farrah and Lauren talked about Amy's first love all the time. Lauren was the one who talked to Farrah about what it could mean. They both knew that Amy and Ashton had been sleeping together before the break but something was obvious in Amy's behavior toward him, there was something off there but it was nothing they could help or advise or chance because Amy never talked to them and that sucked. So neither Lauren or Farrah could even jump to a conclusion before Reagan happened. From the look of things, Amy practically just threw herself at Reagan, it was so different for her but Lauren knew that could just be Amy trying to force herself to come into her adulthood and her sexual life. Like maybe she was scared? Some people were just odd with sex and with love and with relationships. But Amy was so great with Lauren. Their friendship was so solid so it all sort of burned.

"Um… What do you mean?"

"Well, you had opportunities right? What happened."

"Oh," Amy said, feeling that panic again and wishing that Karma wasn't right there while they were talking about this. "It just wasn't right. But we slept together. Like sleep sleep and that was nice."

"Are you asexual?"

"What?"

"Do you even like the idea of sex? Is sex something you want?"

"Lauren…" These were very personal questions but Amy knew it'd been a long time coming. Beside herself, Amy let out an awkward laugh. Sobering up, she looked down on Karma and stared at her face, pulling her hair back and noticing where her head was. Something within her stirred. She felt that she wanted her. And not just in a super platonic I WANNA HUG THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FOREVER type of way. She wanted more. She did want sex. With her. "I'm really not." She said concretely. "I do.. I do want her, okay? Like… Want, want."

"Okay," Lauren sighed. She was still confused. She understood that some people liked to give things time. But usually those people were playing games or feeling out their partner or super sure that they didn't want to give it up for someone who was less than perfect…

"What?"

"I'm just trying to figure you out," Lauren said. On the other end of the line she was shaking her head and concentrating real hard on the voice that she missed. "It's like you always have a hard time with this stuff and I don't know what's happening with you and you won't tell me and it just makes me frustrated."

Amy tried to process what was said. How could Lauren know what was going on if she didn't even know herself?

"Sorry," Amy said. There wasn't anything else she could say. She had been keeping things inside.

"Don't be sorry," Lauren said. "I don't want you to talk to me if you're not comfortable." The sad truth came out.

"I'm not even comfortable with my own thoughts," Amy laughed. Tears sprung to her eyes. Lauren was suddenly too far away.

Karma stirred and realized that she had fallen to sleep.

"Yeah, who is?!" Lauren lightly laughed. It was obvious by her voice that she had gotten teary as well.

"I want to talk to you, I really do," Amy said, watching Karma all the while and seeing her rise with apologetic eyes and fluffy bed hair. "But Karma just woke up so I should probably go."

Karma stared at her with questioning worried eyes. She noticed that Amy seemed teary like before.

"K," Lauren said simply, wishing she could steal her away for just a little while. They rarely spent this much time apart and never without warning. "I love you."

"I love you too," Amy said, feeling it in her chest. Lauren rarely said those words and when she did Amy always felt them.

"Night Amy."

"Night," Amy sighed. She looked down at her phone with a heavy heart and pressed the button to hang up the call.

"You okay?" Karma asked, touching a hand to Amy's shoulder.

"I just… Can't stop thinking," Amy confessed, tears slowly falling. She used a shaky hand to wipe her tears away. She hated them there on her face all obvious like that.

She never talked about this stuff. Why did she never talk about this stuff?!

She felt so frustrated all of a sudden and she knew it was all her own damn fault.

She cried and couldn't stop it. It all made her shake.

"I dunno why I'm so upset right now," Amy confessed as the tears began to come faster. She was so frustrated with herself all of a sudden.

"Hey, come here," Karma said, pulling her into her while she kneeled up on the couch to take her into her arms. Why the hell had she dozed?! Karma was pissed at herself. "It's okay," Karma said softly, holding her tight. "I've got you," she said, feeling mad at herself for resting when Amy was obviously going through something emotionally that she couldn't see.

Amy let herself fall as Karma took her into her arms. Her arms rest on Karma's body as she let herself try and calm. There was no explaining why she kept things in. The more she thought about that the more upset she became.

But Karma held her.


	30. Chapter 30

*jacnessa: thank you :D you are lovely! also, i do sell books but i write under a different penname for reasons*

*There is no BILLY. Sorry for any confusion! Amy's ex from High School is named ASHTON.*

 **Chapter 30**

 **I Will Try...**

When Amy cried Karma felt lost in Amy's grief. Amy could be crying for any number of reasons but obviously there was something wrong and Karma couldn't do a thing to change that and that hurt her a lot.

"Come on, let's sleep," Karma urged.

Amy was crying so silently but they'd had a long day and Karma knew that sleep could help a wounded soul.

She moved and Amy followed. She stood and offered Amy her hand which Amy took.

Once they were in bed it felt normal.

It was like the night before. Words were no longer necessary. The only difference now was that Amy was the one wrapped up around Karma. She felt comfortable with her. Comfortable enough to be physical in this way she wasn't prone to.

All those thoughts about Ashton were sort of damaging. He never meant to hurt her. Amy knew that wasn't what he meant. But he did hurt her.

Mostly it hurt Amy because she didn't know what was wrong with her for so long. Now, it was becoming quite obvious that nothing was wrong with her at all, she just wasn't attracted to him and she thought that she was. All of that was crushingly sad to digest no matter how much time had passed.

At a loss for what to do, they'd both fallen asleep together in bed, wrapped up in each other's arms. When Karma woke the next day it was because of her first annoying alarm.

"Shit," she breathed, moving to the right under Amy's body to reach and stop the sound. As a precaution she turned off her extra alarm too. This was no way to wake after a night like that.

"I'm up," Amy said, sitting up all groggy and rubbing her face with closed eyes.

"Shhhh," Karma said, coming back to her and pulling her back down into her arms, rubbing her back and arms. It felt good to have someone to hold. It felt even better to have Amy.

"No really," Amy muttered. "We went to sleep early. I'll be fine."

"We don't have to go. I told Shane I probably wouldn't."

"You did?" Amy asked, waking up.

"Yeah."

"Awwww," Amy crooned sweetly, a smile coming to her.

Then she remembered last night and her convo with Lauren and how she'd cried and fallen asleep.

"Shit," she said, remembering it all.

"Hmm?" Karma asked.

"Sorry about…"

"Amy…" Karma had already warned her about apologizing. There was nothing to be sorry about. That was clear.

"Okay…" Amy settled, letting Karma hold her and feeling that difference, that thing she had lacked with Ash but found, somehow now, years later.

"What do you think about swinging by the office?" Karma asked.

"I'd be happy to work," Amy said. She already felt guilty about being paid for no reason. Not that she'd used any of the money anyway but still.

"I just think it'd be decent to meet with Shane."

"Okay," Amy agreed.

They didn't rush through getting ready. Instead, they took their time.

Karma pulled her tablet out of her side drawer and brought up an app she often uses when staying away from Liam at the hotel.

"What're you doing now?" Amy asked, watching as pages and pages of clothes were passed up at the swipe of Karma's finger.

"I'm getting you some clothes," Karma said.

"What?" Amy scoffed, looking.

"You're awfully obsessed with dressing me," Amy smiled, moving her lips into Karma's neck and feeling as Karma stiffened in her touch, loving her.

"Yeah well, you're cute," Karma teased. She found a few items and picked them out. Amy corrected her on one of her sizes but other than that she couldn't care less.

They showered separately. Amy spent an extra long time with her head under the hot hot water. Things were coming together somehow. It was weird how little she really needed to adjust. It was almost like she fit with Karma. Like it was meant to be. Karma wasn't like anyone else she'd ever spent time with.

When Amy got out of the shower Karma was in the bathroom silently fixing her hair.

"Oh," Amy said, not realizing. She was happy she hadn't been talking to herself or singing or doing anything strange.

"Sorry," Karma smiled, looking back at her through the mirror and only seeing a little of her form through the curtain. "Didn't think you'd mind."

"I don't," Amy said, her eyes dropping as she reached for the towel on the hook and pulled it quickly around her.

There was a brief moment where Amy was naked. Karma saw but out of respect she dropped her eyes and kept on curling her hair.

Amy looked up in time to see Karma avoiding her form and she smiled.

 _ **She's so sweet,**_ Amy thought. She made a mental note to tell Lauren about this.

A knock came at the door. Karma cleared her throat and put the curling iron down.

"I'll get it," she reassured. It was most likely Amy's clothes.

Amy stared at her face in the mirror and noticed how much she'd changed over the years. It wasn't anything drastic but it made her smile. She felt herself wearing thin sometimes but today she felt healthy and that had all to do with Karma.

The next minute Karma came in with a garment bag on a fancy hanger. She hung it up on the backside of the door.

"It should all be there," she said, leaving a shoe box on the toilet seat and removing herself from the room.

Amy closed the door and took the zipper down on the bag. Karma had picked out the perfect outfit for her, it was like she knew her already. It wasn't a dress. Tight black pants, a dressy green sleeveless top and an optional soft grey chunky cardigan. Amy put them all on an bunched the cardi up to her elbows loving the way it felt on her skin. In the box she found some very simple sleek black heels and she loved them.

Her hair was still wet but she didn't care. She stared at herself and noticed how the shirt brought out the green in her eyes and the light in her hair as she thumbed the necklace Karma had given her and thought about what it all meant. Right now she was Karma's girl.

"You ready?" Karma asked.

"Yeah," Amy lied.

"Here," Karma said, walking to her and pulling her in to look.

Amy watched as Karma used her fingers to feel her cardigan. She felt Karma's eyes hit her skin and then her shirt and travel down before coming back up.

"Lemme dry your hair," Karma said, leading Amy to sit and just doing it. Amy felt nervous somehow, in a good way though. Her heart was beating steadily and she could feel it but she tried to stay calm.

Every now and then she would catch Karma staring at her through the mirror. It was hard to keep herself from smiling, hard to calm.

Once they left they'd already realized how quiet they'd been together all morning. It was a nice change to all the talking they'd done. They both liked knowing that they could be silent with one another. There wasn't a stigma surrounding it or anything like that. It was pleasant somehow, a gift.

"Shane was begging me to at least stop by," Karma said. "This isn't like me to just not come in." Amy noticed she seemed nervous.

"I don't mind if we work today," Amy said. She'd been secretly hoping to work. She wanted to know more about the firm actually. But time with Karma was more than nice.

"No," Karma said. "Make sure I leave." Amy looked over at her and noticed how serious she was. "I'm really bad at staying away."

"Should we not go?" Amy asked, a bit confused.

"We should go," Karma said. "But make sure we leave."

"Okay," Amy said, sitting back and trying to understand her.

They drove along the familiar streets and Amy liked the feel of being taken. The past few days felt like a vacation. Amy didn't work much as is but she hadn't felt that vacation feel since High School. It was like she had summer again if only for two days. Her last few High School summers mostly consisted of dodging Ashton to hang out with Lauren. She remembered that now.

"What are you thinking?" Karma asked.

"High School… Summer…" Amy confessed without thought.

"Ahhh, those were the days," Karma smiled. Her summers were filled with Liam and road trips. Sex was brand new to her then and she loved learning about all of that. The times when she was alone with just him, those were her favorite.

"Guess so," Amy concurred. She'd been leaning on her hand and trying not to be too thinky. To help with that she sat up and pulled out her phone. She had a mixed text from Lauren.

Lauren: _**Are you ever going to have to work?**_

She was probably depressed and worried. Lauren cared about her an awful lot.

"Anything good?" Karma asked, looking over at her.

"Just Lauren being nosey," Amy smiled. "It's good we're going in. I need to see her today."

"Do you want to work?" The thought hadn't crossed her mind much. She was technically Amy's boss and when she said she didn't have to work she took that as giving her days off. It never really crossed her mind that Amy would want to work.

"I don't have to," Amy said, seeming bashful.

She really wanted to see Lauren though. She wanted to put Lauren's mind to rest.

"I don't usually stay out all night," Amy said. "Lauren's not used to this side of me."

"What side?" Karma smiled, staring over at her openly.

"The side that rebels," Amy teased, raising her eyebrows with a know-it-all glace.

"Well, we'll make sure to get you alone with her then," Karma appeased. "Just don't let me work, okay? We need to get in and get out. If I start getting caught up in courtroom drama I'll never leave." She was sure of it. "You can stay if you want. Do you want to stay?"

"No," Amy said. She wanted to come and go just like Karma wanted.

"Okay," Karma noted. It was a good thing. "Sure you don't want to go home?"

"No," Amy said. "Really, it's fine." All she wanted to do was enjoy this vacation and feel more, she wanted to do that since it was so very new.

They swung onto the clean street and Karma made an illegal U-turn landing her perfectly in her VIP spot.

Up on the top floor Lauren, Shane, and Liam were all standing in Karma's office and staring down at the street while they talked. Truth of the matter was, they were all waiting for her.

The clients hadn't been too demanding but the firm wasn't usually run without Karma. Meetings had to be held through Shane and Lauren now and Liam was actually wooing clients for once which was a rare thing.

When they noticed Karma's car they perked up. Lauren hit Liam's arm several times and walked off to the elevator, throwing herself inside.

Shane followed but Liam didn't.

On the ground floor Karma and Amy waited for the doors to open but they were both feeling lovesick and wondering why they weren't touching.

"It'll be quick I promise," Karma said.

Then the doors open and they were met with Lauren. Two hands pulled at Amy's sweater and yanked her into the lift. Karma followed but she stepped out of their way.

"Oh good! You're alive!" Lauren teased sarcastically. She looked her sister up and down to make sure there was nothing wrong.

"Hi Lauren," Karma said from nearby.

"Hi Karma," Lauren said, not even offering her a glance.

Karma sighed and stared at Amy with a soft smile.

"I'm fine, okay."

"Alright," Lauren conceded. "I guess there's nothing wrong with you." She was being dramatic for sure.

"We just went to Karma's house, went out to eat, and then slept."

"Amy, you've been out for two straight nights and your mother is worried sick."

"She isn't," Amy urged, her eyes begging Lauren not to make it hard.

"We can go see your mom today," Karma said. "Does she like breakfast?"

"She has work," Amy shrugged.

"Go see her at work," Lauren pushed.

"Why? That's ridiculous," Amy laughed.

"You didn't see her last night," Lauren said. "She was just waiting up for you and literally watching the door."

"Yeah but I talked to her," Amy said.

"Still," Lauren pushed. "You should've called her first. That was really mean."

"I'm an adult," Amy reminded.

"An adult who is used to being at home with her mother every night since she was born."

"That's not fair," Amy said.

"No." Lauren bit. "It is."

"Fine," Amy shrugged. "I'll go see her."

"Good," Lauren said.

The elevator doors opened and the office was busy and looked to be running just fine.

As soon as Karma exited the lift though Petra noticed her and ran to steal her.

"Where have you been?" She asked, almost angry. "You left me with the idiot twins."

"I'm taking time off," Karma said. "And I'm not staying, I just came to grab something." Amy overheard but Lauren was leading her away because she needed to talk to her.

Lauren pulled her into her office and then slammed the door.

"Okay, spill. What's she like?"

"What do you mean? We just talked about this last night."

"Barely," Lauren pushed.

"Okay," Amy sighed. But then she began to think about Karma and all she felt was happiness inside. "You know how everyone tells you about love?" Amy asked.

"Yeah," Lauren nodded, looking at her closely and happy to have her back.

"They always say these crazy things like they get butterflies or their head swims or you know all that flowery bullshit," Amy pushed.

"Yes," Lauren was waiting for her sister to say something of substance. Amy had a habit of building things up but then getting pulled away before finishing her sentences.

"It's different," Amy smiled and looked away. It was weird to talk about. "Like, I feel all those things but there's more, ya know?"

"Oh," Lauren sighed. She pulled Amy over to her office chairs and had her sit next to her.

"I felt a little of this for Reagan but there's just already so much more with Karma and I don't know where that's coming from or why that is. Like.. I think about that first day and seeing her all mad at Liam.. I think about going out to that place where we drank too much. I think about sleeping over that first night and how she pretty much asked me to have sex with her but I wouldn't."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Amy sighed, noticing Lauren for the very first time in the morning. "And that's what I mean. There just already seems to be so much that has happened between us and so much of it has just felt normal or more… right, I guess. Does that make any sense?"

"Kind of," Lauren sighed. She was getting the Cliff's Notes version. Worse than that though, she was actually getting the twitter version. Just three or four sentences to explain 3 days that changed Amy's life for good. That could never be enough.

Amy realized she had been holding onto both of Lauren's arms as if scared to lose her. She looked down and let her arms slide away

"Okay, yeah, I need to know everything that's happened," Lauren said.

"Okay," Amy said. Absentmindedly she touched a hand to Lauren's cheek and saw vulnerability and cherished the sight of it there.

Lauren took her hand down and held it, she had tears in her eyes and a huge smile on her face but she was trying to be happy about the fact that Amy had finally found that thing she'd been missing. The only thing that really stopped Lauren inside from being glad was that thought of how easy it would be to bruise her. That thought kept her up last night. But she wouldn't tell Amy that, no, no.

The hour went by nicely. Amy started where Lauren left her and pretty much told her everything she felt and thought from the time Lauren left that very first day up until now.

The whole story was way more than Lauren expected. From the very first moment when Amy told Lauren she helped Karma off with her shoes Lauren knew it wasn't going to be a normal Amy day or a normal Amy week or a normal Amy year. All the stuff with Reagan had been small until it was like BAM and they slept together.

Things with Karma had been gentle from day one. Lauren could see right away what Karma must see in Amy. She could see it because she worked with Karma and she knew exactly what Karma's life was like and how much it differed from what she had wanted. Amy was like a goddamn knight, swooping in out of nowhere and treating her with kindness and patience.

When Amy got to the part where Karma took her to the hotel that first night Lauren grew instantly nervous.

First off, she couldn't believe that Amy had just kissed Karma like that. That was such a bold thing for Amy to do. Amy wasn't bold like that. And every time Lauren thought about Amy's hook-up with Reagan, Lauren was sure that Reagan was the one controlling pretty much everything most of the time.

So when Amy kept on talking about that dinner she had with Karma and how off it was but then how drunk they both got, and when she started talking about the elevator, Lauren grew insanely nervous for what was to come.

Karma pressing her body up against Amy's at the top of the world? That wasn't something she was really expecting. Lauren didn't know really how these things were supposed to happen between two women but from the sound of it all it was pretty freaking hot. Lauren would never have even imagined Karma doing that to anyone, let alone her dear sweet and clueless sister Amy.

Lauren decided to ask as little as possible, she knew it was the best way to get the most from her in what was sure to be a short burst of time. Amy had prefaced everything by saying that they weren't staying to work today because she had promised Karma they wouldn't.

There was a lot that Lauren kept her mouth shut for. Just thinking about that hotel room and that situation made her throat itch, there was so much she could and wanted to say. Karma was so different alone and in that sort of single-lover capacity. It just wasn't something Lauren ever thought about before, bachelorette Karma and how she might be.

"Why did you say that?" Lauren asked.

They'd gotten to the part where Karma asked her to come close in the bath and Amy wouldn't let her.

"I dunno," Amy sighed.

"I mean, you said, you told me you knew you wanted her."

"I know," Amy fought. "But it wasn't. It wasn't right."

"You were scared," Lauren said, realizing.

"I've been scared," Amy confessed. They'd still only gone over one day and half a night but there it was.

"Amy…" Lauren found so many things to love about her. She loved her so much. The more she knew the more she worried. It was thinking about her this way though that really made Lauren feel vulnerable. If anyone wanted to hurt her, hurting Amy was the sure way to do it. They were so close now as sisters and Lauren was just beginning to notice that after avoiding those thoughts for so long.

"It's not something I can control," Amy countered. She knew what Lauren must be thinking. Most people didn't have these hesitations like she did. At first Amy was sure that the only reason she had pushed off the thought of sex was because of her fling with Reagan and how brief it was. Now though, Amy knew that it was more than that. It wasn't possible for her _**NOT**_ to know after all they'd been through. "If anything things are more normal with Karma than they've ever been with anyone else." Amy meant this in a relationship way but Lauren took it wrong.

"What?"

"I mean. Sex." Amy reminded. "We haven't done much but I feel comfortable with her. I never felt that with Ash."

"What? Amy, why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know," Amy said. "And I didn't know how, either. I couldn't have told you if I tried."

"Seems like you tried not to tell me," Lauren realized. She sat back in her chair and let it all sink in. Amy and Ashton had been together for a long time. They'd almost been married, that's how serious that had been. "If you never felt comfortable, why did you-"

"I didn't know," Amy sighed. "I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what I was feeling." Explaining this now felt so necessary to her. Lauren had always been that person who helped her to feel normal but Lauren didn't know about any of this because Amy felt stupid and this was just one of those things that people couldn't guess at.

"Oh, Amy…" Lauren felt her entire heart sink in her chest.

It was all starting to make sense.

A knock came on the door, it was Shane.

"Hey, Amy? Can I talk to you?"

Karma must've still been with Petra.

"Yeah, sure," Amy said. Shane came inside Lauren's office and sat down across from them. It wasn't lost on him that Lauren seemed a bit broken.

"You okay?" He asked, looking over at her. But she wasn't okay.

Amy looking over at her and took her hand again and held it.

"It wasn't your fault," Amy said.

But Lauren sure felt responsible. Amy had no other close friends. It was just her and Ashton. All of a sudden, it felt really _**really**_ wrong.

Amy noticed that Lauren was holding back tears. In strength she turned to Shane.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Okay, this is going to sound odd but. What did you do to her?" He asked.

Lauren scoffed and wiped a tear from her eye. It was just like Shane to be selfish enough to make it all about work.

"Back off," Lauren threatened.

"No, it's fine," Amy said, still holding her hand and this time smiling over at her. "I think Karma is having an epiphany about her life," she stated plainly staring across at the new friend who'd never treated her unkind before in his life.

"Okay," Shane sighed.

"All this stuff with Liam," Amy said. "She obviously needs some time off. Does she even get time off?"

"Well, it's her firm," Shane said.

"No. It's _**YOUR**_ firm," Amy teased defiantly. From day one she and Shane had acted more like friends than coworkers. Amy had started out with that unique, _**I could honestly give a fuck,**_ type of attitude and Shane had adored her for it.

"Yeah but Karma wins everything. I know you're new to the firm and there's a lot you don't know but she's sort of crucial."

"Okay, so, start treating her that way."

It was pretty badass. Lauren sat behind Amy and shot an impressed face over to Shane.

"Maybe you're right," Shane took it in.

Anyone who ever met Karma would know that she works too hard. Convincing Shane of that wasn't difficult in any way.

"Besides, how crappy would it be if clients started quitting because Karma quit or something like that. You and Liam are excellent lawyers. At least, Karma thinks so."

"Did Karma say something like that?" Shane was suddenly nervous.

"Like what?" Amy didn't realize what she had just done.

"Did she say she was quitting? Is she thinking of quitting? We almost folded the firm yesterday. Did she tell you about that?"

"Shane," Amy exhaled. He was too tense all of a sudden. "Nothing's changing she just needs to relax."

Shane grumbled.

"And I think that's normal," Amy added.

"Still," Shane eyed her suspiciously. He couldn't wait for Amy to leave. He needed to talk to Lauren about this. He'd get more real information out of that.

"I think you should go talk to her," Amy added. "She only came today to see you."

"And why did you come?" Lauren asked nervously.

"Why do you think?" Amy sighed. Lauren's hand had been inside of hers for minutes now, it was almost insulting that she would doubt.

They talked a little more but mostly Amy just explained how Karma sort of had a meltdown. She left out all the good stuff of course. But after she left the office she felt confident that she'd told them enough.

Finding Karma was hard after that. Shane needed to talk to her and Amy wanted that to happen.

Awkward enough Amy found herself hanging out by the large windows outside of Liam's office.

"Not too bad, huh?" He asked, after watching her without her knowing it for some time.

"What? Ah-no," Amy caught herself nervously. "Not too bad at all," she confessed.

Liam had gotten up from his desk and walked close to her.

"You're good for her, I can tell," he said, staring out at the town.

"How?" Amy asked, looking over at him.

"I know her," he said, looking down at her slow and seeing this person he instantly knew he could trust with his whole entire life somehow. Amy was magic like that.

"Oh, right," Amy sighed. She looked down at her hands and then dropped them to her sides to try and act more normal.

Liam was making her nervous all of a sudden. It was almost like she had questions for him. She felt like she should be cold to him or something. But it was obvious he knew he'd done wrong.

"I'm glad you're making her happy," he said truthfully.

"Hey, can we not?" Amy asked, looking up at him kind of desperate for him to NOT bring it up.

"Yeah," Liam said. "Sorry. I just. I'm happy," he said. "I knew I was hurting her."

"Okay," Amy sighed, ready to be done with it. "Why didn't you get a divorce then instead of…"

"I'm an idiot," Liam said. "Some part of me kept on thinking it could get better. And I did love her. I do. I always will but. I wasn't good to her. I hurt her. I was always hurting her." "Anyway," he said. "Thank you."

Amy hated it. He was confessing that he knew. She preferred he didn't know. She preferred him oblivious. And what was this bullshit?! Why was he thanking her?!

"Okay, Liam, look," Amy said turning to him and stopping herself from touching him. She suddenly felt oddly violent. "I don't want you to thank me, okay? I don't want for this to be something that alleviates your guilt, 'cause that's bullshit." She wasn't sure why it had rubbed her so wrong but it did. "I'm not here for you. This isn't about you. I don't even know why you're talking to me right now like we're friends when we're not."

"Wow," Liam smiled at the burn. He wasn't mad though. It was refreshing. This was the kind of thing he'd been expecting from Karma since she first found out he'd been cheating but that rarely came. Instead Karma was somewhat docile and just sort of broken until recently.

"Karma's not mad at you but I am," Amy said. It was simple. It was short.

She gave him a direct stare and then turned and walked away.

When she got close to the elevator she realized right away that she needed to be outside again, now.


End file.
